The cave echoed with the clattering of a spinning roulette wheel materializing mid-air. Qin Feng, sprawled on a rock like a lazy cat, hollered at the glowing hologram, "C'mon, System! Gimme something *cool* this time! No more 'Eternal Sock of Foot Warmth' nonsense!"
*Ding!*
A golden light exploded, showering the cave in glitter. The System's monotone voice announced: **[Congratulations, Host! You've unlocked: Invincible Sword Heart!]**
"Invincible…what now?" Qin Feng blinked as a surge of energy zapped through him. His robes billowed dramatically—despite the lack of wind—and his eyes glowed like a raccoon who'd just raided a caffeine stash.
Zi Yuan gasped, clutching her chest. "Why…why do I suddenly feel like a side character in his origin story?!"
The System helpfully explained: **[Invincible Sword Heart: Ultimate state for sword cultivators. No romance, maximum carnage! +1000% sword damage. Side effects may include chronic smugness and accidental bonsai trimming.]**
Qin Feng struck a pose, his sword humming like a karaoke machine on max volume. "Zi Yuan, behold! I've achieved *peak* swordsman cringe!"
---
Meanwhile, outside the cave, Lin San—heroic protagonist and walking disaster magnet—was busy being cornered by a mob of cultivators. "I'm telling you, the jade box was *empty*!" he yelled, parrying a sword strike with a ladle he'd "borrowed" from a noodle stall earlier.
"Empty?!" A cultivator in neon-green robes scoffed. "Next you'll say the Holy Grail's just a fancy cup!"
Lin San backflipped over a tree stump, his hair now suspiciously styled like a rom-com lead mid-confession. "Why won't anyone believe me?!"
---
Back in the cave, Qin Feng poked the "Sacred Bamboo Scroll" with a stick. The artifact—reputed to hold ancient wisdom—lay under a snoring Bunny King (a.k.a. Bai, the fluffball who'd claimed it as a napping slab). "Zi Yuan, are we *sure* this isn't just IKEA instructions for a bookshelf?"
Zi Yuan facepalmed. "That 'bookshelf' caused a bloodbath across three realms! Legends say only the 'Chosen One' can decipher its—"
*Crunch.* Bai sleep-munched a bamboo shoot, drooling on the scroll.
"…Or maybe it's just bunny bedding," Zi Yuan deadpanned.
---
*THUD!*
A battered Lin San crash-landed beside them, courtesy of the Xi Brothers—twin muscleheads with the collective IQ of a potato salad. Xi Da Lang cracked his knuckles, grinning like a shark at a goldfish convention. "Well, well! Two birds, one cave!"
Qin Feng side-eyed Lin San. "Teaming up?"
"Last time we 'teamed up,' I woke up in a llama farm," Lin San muttered, wiping blood off his cheek. "With a receipt for 'one lightly used protagonist' pinned to my shirt."
"*Allegedly*," Qin Feng singsong, unsheathing his sword. The blade shimmered with the energy of a thousand over-caffeinated glow sticks.
---
**Battle Time!**
Xi Er Lang lunged first, his axe whistling through the air like a disgruntled bald eagle. Lin San's sword flared—*Phoenix Feather Strike!*—a move so extra it came with its own theme music. The resulting shockwave sent squirrels fleeing and Xi Er Lang airborne, his final words: "MY PRECIOUS MANGO COLLECTIOOOOON—!"
Xi Da Lang roared, charging like a bull who'd chugged six energy drinks. Qin Feng, however, had other plans. With a flick of his wrist, he unleashed the *Dragon-Slaying Swordplay: Walmart Edition*—a chaotic flurry of strikes that somehow involved interpretive dance.
*SLICE!*
Xi Da Lang's pants disintegrated, revealing polka-dot boxers. "CURSE YOU, FASHION-TERRORIST SWORDSMAN!" he wailed, fleeing into the sunset.
---
**Post-Battle Shenanigans**
Lin San stared at Qin Feng, who was now autographing a tree trunk. "…Why do you fight like a raccoon on a sugar rush?"
"Artistic expression!" Qin Feng declared, tossing Bai a carrot. The bunny karate-chopped it mid-air, because *of course* it knew kung fu.
Zi Yuan sighed, holding up the drool-stained scroll. "We're risking our lives for a bunny's chew toy. This is *peak* cultivation life."
Suddenly, the scroll glowed! Mysterious symbols appeared—only to spell "Bai wuz here" in Comic Sans.
"…Or not," Zi Yuan muttered.
---
**Epilogue**
As the trio trudged away, Lin San side-eyed Qin Feng. "You *did* steal the jade box's contents, didn't you?"
"Who, *me*?" Qin Feng gasped, clutching his chest like a soap opera villain. "I'm innocent! Besides—" He whipped out a glowing orb labeled *Supreme Dragon Essence (Chocolate-Flavored)*. "—this? Just a cough drop!"
Lin San facepalmed. "You're worse than a telemarketer."
"Flattery won't get you discounts on my merch!" Qin Feng cackled, vanishing into the woods while humming *Baby Shark*.
Zi Yuan turned to Bai. "Remind me why we follow him?"
The bunny shrugged, burped, and hopped after its walking chaos generator.
---
**[System Notification: New Quest Unlocked!]**
**Objective: Survive the fanclub Qin Feng will inevitably start for himself.**
**Reward: 1 x Therapy Coupon (Non-Refundable).**