"PFFT—!"
Lin San nearly spat out his artisanal, small-batch kombucha—*ahem*, we mean "vintage 82-year-old spiritual blood"—as he glared at Qin Feng. This guy had mastered the art of weaponized laziness! They'd agreed to team up against the Ximen brothers, but here Qin Feng was, leaning against a tree like a TikTok influencer waiting for lighting approval, shouting "You got this, bro!" instead of helping.
*Cool-down time?* Lin San's eye twitched. *Try* ***lifetime*** *guilt trips!* Every time Qin Feng used his "super special awesome move," it cost him *ten years* off his lifespan. This dude wasn't just flexing—he was cosplaying a mayfly with commitment issues.
"ENOUGH!" roared Ximen Dalang (aka "Big Bro Ximen the Unhinged"), his rage meter maxing out like a Karen denied a Starbucks manager. His aura exploded, warping the air like a bad Wi-Fi connection. His fingers morphed into Wolverine-meets-KFC claws, slashing at Lin San with the grace of a rabid raccoon in a dumpster.
*Clang! Clang! CLANG!*
Lin San's sword parried the attacks, sparks flying like a Fourth of July grill party. But let's be real—this was a level 10 boss vs. a guy who'd just rage-quit his ult. Three seconds in, Lin San was bleeding more than a Netflix protagonist in season finale.
"QIN FENG, DO SOMETHING!" Lin San yelped, dodging a claw aimed at his spleen.
"Ah, but *you're* the protagonist here!" Qin Feng chirped, munching on spirit herbs like they were popcorn. "I'm just the emotionally unavailable sidekick!"
Ximen Dalang sneered. "Qin Feng? Pfft. Without his family's nepo-baby perks, he's just a walking TikTok filter. Even his brother's *bones* are more useful!"
Qin Feng gasped, clutching imaginary pearls. "Rude! And here I was gonna let you live to see next Tuesday." His robes billowed dramatically—no wind, just pure Main Character Energy™—as a sword materialized, glowing like a Disney princess's sparkle addiction.
The crowd of peanut gallery cultivators lost their minds.
"**Sword Intent**…at *eight*!?" screeched a bystander, dropping his overpriced matcha latte. "My grandpa's been meditating for 300 years and still thinks a katana is a type of sushi!"
But wait—there's more! Qin Feng's aura shifted again, radiating the kind of confidence usually reserved for Elon Musk memes. The air itself seemed to whisper: *Y'all about to get a Masterclass in humiliation.*
"**Invincible Sword Heart**…" someone whimpered, recognizing the shimmering aura. "The last person who had that died 10,000 years ago! He literally wrote the book on being extra!"
Lin San's jaw dropped. *This little chaos gremlin* outshone him, the "Century's Sword Prodigy"? He might as well rebrand as "Mediocre Dude With Stick."
The Ximen brothers exchanged a look screaming *"Abort! Abort!"* and bolted like toddlers fleeing a broccoli sighting.
"Leaving so soon?" Qin Feng tutted, his sword humming like a lightsaber at a rave. "Confucius say: 'If come for the king, best not miss.' Or was that Beyoncé? Anyway—**YOLO**!"
***SLASH!***
A blade of pure sass cut through the air, trailing glitter and existential dread. When the sparkles cleared, the Ximen siblings lay KO'd, their outfits now accessorized with red splatter patterns.
Qin Feng looted their pockets, raising an eyebrow at a manual titled *"Kama Sutra for Acrobatic Cultivators: 69 Positions to Ascend Your Dual Cultivation Game."* "For…*research*," he declared, stuffing it into his hemp tote labeled "Future Sword God's Groceries."
The crowd collectively swore off ever bullying him. Messing with a future Sword God? That's like challenging Keanu Reeves to a kindness duel—you *will* lose, and you'll cry about it in therapy.
As Qin Feng skipped away hand-in-hand with his baffled companion Zi Luan, Lin San muttered, "He's either a genius…or a *menace*."
**Meanwhile, at the Great Xia Empire's Palace:**
Emperor Xia, mid-drafting his Tinder profile ("SWM, 458, loves long walks on palace roofs and overthrowing dynasties"), was ambushed by panicking ministers.
"Your Majesty! Qin Feng's unlocked Sword Heart *and* Sword Intent! He's basically a walking cheat code!"
The emperor choked on his youth potion. "How?! That boy's more OP than a Marvel crossover!"
Advisors trembled. "If he rejoins the Qin family, they'll rule the world *and* the meme economy!"
"Fine!" Emperor Xia snapped. "Cancel his verified checkmark! Send the FBI—er, *Black Tortoise Assassins*! And someone get me more hair dye!"
Thus began the Great Bamboo-Hat Chase—a saga of absurdity, sword-based dad jokes, and one boy's quest to become the *most insufferably competent* legend in history…