I woke up to the rustling of the bed, opening my eyes slowly and feeling the ache in my lower back, pain in my hips. Soon enough, memories flooded me like whirlwinds. I had slept with Eric—not at all romantic, though I didn't really care. Even though my passionate side was silently protesting what had happened. I looked to the side and saw him sitting on the bed; I understood the gesture, but he pushed my hand away, and that hurt my heart. I couldn't sit up and ended up lying face down.
– Aren't you going to say anything? – The silence bothered me more than anything that had happened. I covered my body a little with the sheet, almost as a protective act.
– We shouldn't have done it. – The inspector's voice came with a certain urgency. It wasn't unexpected, so why did I feel so surprised? I felt like laughing at the situation; the laugh trying to come was one of desperation.
– But we did, you were drunk and gave in to your desires for me. It happened. – That remorseful tone started to annoy me. I tried to meet his gaze, but from behind, it was impossible. What did Eric want after all this? I saw the marks I had left; his back was covered in scratches, his arms the same. It was intense, wild, though it hadn't lasted long.
– You should've stopped me. – I was incredulous at his words. How could I do that if he looked like a wild animal in heat? The other was trying to throw a responsibility on me that wasn't mine.
– I don't have more strength than you, Félix. Even if I tried to fight, you're stronger. – I tried to sit up, but the best I could do was stay on all fours. I wasn't liking the way this conversation was going. I ended up kneeling without letting my rear touch anything because of the pain.
Félix suddenly stood up and stared at me, full of disbelief, seeing my body marked by his lust, by his desires—every part of me had his bites. My skin was pale, and when he saw the bloodstains on the sheets, he took two steps back. Eric wasn't prepared for the magnitude of his own desires, not when they were reflected so real on my body, not when everything had been fueled by drinks.
– Of course I attacked, you've been provoking me all these days, and even before that, you looked at me with desire. It's your fault. – Félix ran his hand through his hair, desperate to remove that burden from his shoulders. I stared at him, unable to believe what I'd heard. Actually, Félix said words that hurt me, because that's exactly how I'd been taught all those years: the blame would always be mine because of my body and the way I was. Did I provoke? Yes. But I didn't expect it to happen like this.
– You're right. – I finally got up, even though my leg wobbled. Eric tried to grab my waist, but as soon as I regained my strength, I pushed him away. – Leave me alone.
– Blauth, I... – Eric seemed to be thinking carefully about the words he'd chosen to justify everything that had happened between us. I understood that he didn't want to take responsibility for the reckless act, so in the end, I would take that responsibility for both of us, even if hurt.
– Get out. – I used the firmest tone I could muster at that moment, despite the circumstances. I think my look was cold enough to surprise him. The other just gathered his clothes and left. When I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror, I saw all the marks. – Idiot.
I cleaned my body as well as I could. I packed my clothes and belongings back into my bag. At that moment, the last thing I wanted was to stay in his house. I couldn't look at him without getting pissed off. Let him torment himself with guilt and remorse alone. I still had some trouble walking, but nothing too serious to stop me from leaving. Passing through the kitchen, Eric turned toward me, unable to believe I was leaving. Oh, he thought that after everything, I'd stay there, putting up with his personality.
– Where do you think you're going?! – He really looked incredulous.
– Anywhere but here. – I said simply, shrugging. That place, which once gave me protection, now felt suffocating. The knot in my throat tightened. When we were in love, what the other person stirred in me only made everything more painful.
– Blauth, I didn't express myself well, that's not what I meant. – Eric was apologizing? No, probably just trying to soften his own feelings of guilt and regret. I would only become negative sensations to the other in the end.
– It doesn't matter now. – I left without saying more, just heard his voice calling me. I totally ignored it and stepped into the carriage, actually not feeling any urge to go home. I made the coachman ride around London.
– Your body is so... alluring. – Gran Fort said, after having embraced me the night before. He played with my hair, looking with a certain admiration at my completely bare body.
– Why do you say that, sir? I don't understand. – I said innocently; to me, my body was normal, without any extraordinary feature. I hadn't realized what all this desire the other showed for me might mean. I played with his chest, touching it lightly with my fingertips.
– There's an aura around you that attracts predators, even if they say otherwise. If you try, you could seduce anyone. I'll teach you everything you need to know. – He licked my ear, causing shivers all over me. I curled up.
– I don't like that... – I said sulking. I didn't want others to come close only with malicious intentions. It would be uncomfortable to deal with people like that. How would I know if someone wanted me genuinely?
– But you were born for this, Nathan. It's natural, your nature is like a serpent's, seducing the most innocent man. But I don't want you just like that, I want you to love me, because I love you. – The lord of that mansion wrapped me in his strong arms, and I ended up returning the embrace. What I felt for the Lord was different from love; even so young, I was aware of it. I wished I could fall in love, but now I was afraid, because nothing guaranteed that the person I loved wouldn't want just my body.
To hell with passion. I thought to myself. I shouldn't have given in to Eric's advances, but if I resisted, what guarantee was there that it wouldn't be worse? Not regretting having accepted. Nathan. The voice of the greatest tempter still gave me chills. It was the first time he called me by my name. Besides, even though I knew I wasn't entirely to blame, it felt like those feelings weighed heavily on my shoulders. The knot in my throat stayed with that deep anguish; I just wanted to curse him.
When I got home, it was late afternoon, raining as always. There was nothing to do. I kept thinking about Eric, about his words that only confirmed my true nature. It was hard not to think that way. I was in love with Félix and now just wanted to forget him. The next day was the plan to execute. So I decided to sleep early.
The big day would be busy; the worst was having to face Félix and his bad mood. When I found him at the department, he didn't even look at me once. I was used to being avoided, but this time I didn't even try to look for him or think about it. I was fine with the distance.
– Blauth, we need to talk. – I heard that before we left for the brothel. I was in my best clothes; I just hoped there weren't any strays thrown in there. The cleaning took a lot of work. I adjusted my lapel while looking at him.
– After the mission. – I said colder than I wanted to show. Eric just nodded. That man needed that reality check. I didn't mind the night with Félix despite the pain. However, his words hurt more than any unprepared intimacy because I had such intense feelings. I got into the carriage, the more luxurious one.
– You look good in that suit. – Eric was complimenting me? Was that really happening? I looked surprised in his direction and couldn't help but blush. It was the first time he said something about my appearance; that touched me. I quickly looked away so he wouldn't see me blush. I didn't want to show I was giving in; he didn't deserve that.
– Thank you. – I said softly, still shy. Félix was also well-groomed; his shaved beard softened his expression and made him very attractive, but I still had pain, not enough to try any seduction.
We remained silent the rest of the way. The brothel looked like an amphitheater, many men and women entering, all elegant and beautiful, greeted by one of the most beautiful and elegant women I'd ever had the pleasure to see. We headed toward her; Eric spoke, and Dorotéia had indeed put our names on the list. We entered easily. There was a huge chandelier in the middle of the entrance ceiling; the place was huge, and many men were chatting and drinking. I started to get really nervous; the situation with the investigator made me forget who I might find there.
They offered various drinks; Eric avoided drinking, trauma? Maybe. I drank just enough to be social; the drinks were exotic.
– Let's circulate; if anything suspicious happens, come to me. – Félix knew the night would be long. He walked toward the beautiful, older, and attractive woman. I didn't hear what they said; I had a mission to accomplish.
Some men came to talk to me, annoying. There were many courtesans ready to attend their demands, but they preferred hitting on a guest. Though irritating, I took the chance to interact; however, either they didn't know anything about the drug or hid it. The second seemed more plausible since they avoided contact with me after that.
– Are you having fun? – Eric's voice came from behind. I was on the side balcony, looking at the garden, trying to catch some air. It was exhausting to deal with those people, especially when their interest was so obvious.
– Very much. – I said sarcastically, turning to face him, leaning on the railing, hoping my look didn't reveal all the desire I felt at that moment. His face was so handsome, serious, with harder features, still very charming to ignore.
– Let's talk now. – It wasn't a request. – Blauth, I'm sorry. Not for us having been together, but for my words and the way it happened. Honestly, I didn't want to do it with you in that state; I'd rather do it sober. – He sighed tiredly. – It wasn't your fault... It was my wild impulse.
As everything Eric had told me until then, it still stirred me, my heart felt like it would jump out of my chest.
– So... Do you want to do something now? I'm still feeling pain, you know. – I said playfully, looking at the taller man blushing as he approached me. He held my face and kissed me. It was like heat invaded me suddenly, and I couldn't breathe. His lips were like melting honey on mine. I kissed him intensely, holding him close as if I could keep that moment from ending. I forgot where I was; I just wanted him near. I savored his mouth on mine; at first, it was calm, as if tasting slowly what he wanted. Soon we were showing desire; the erotic kiss dominated my entire rationality, which seemed only a thin thread tied to the reality surrounding us. I just wanted him closer.
– Eric Félix. – The female voice woke us from the dream. I opened my eyes, my cheek burning deep red, breathless. Eric quickly turned, not much different from me, staring at Dorotéia, fixing his misaligned suit. – Lord Gran Fort will present himself to everyone.
– I'm coming. You stay here, Blauth. We'll continue... our conversation. – He said, walking toward the elegant woman who took his arm as an escort, disappearing behind thick curtains.
I was still nervous and had no time to think about the Lord. I brought my fingertips to my lips, feeling the warmth. That had been the best kiss of my life. Eric, conscious! I breathed deeply, smiling, until I felt someone near. I turned toward the person, still dazed with happiness.
– Sir, I heard you're interested in the pleasure remedy. Why don't you come with me to check it out? – That man was well dressed, wearing a mask. He was a staff member of the brothel; everyone had the same badge pinned to their lapel. – We offer it to our most loyal customers, but since tonight is special, my master said there'd be no problem making it available to the curious.
Master? This was my chance to get proof against Gran Fort. I felt a certain pride; Félix would have to recognize me when I exposed this scheme. The happiness of being somewhat reciprocated made me follow the man impulsively.
– Alright. – I followed him along the side, past some curtains. After a long hallway full of doors, scented strongly with sandalwood, I came upon a large room full of pillows. There was incense; the scent was sweet and very pleasant. Soft music, intoxicating. The smell grew stronger; my mind started to float, the sensation dulled all my senses. I tried to hold on, but my sense of distance became poor. My feet wobbled with every step until I let myself fall on the pillows. I didn't know why, but I felt like smiling. I was happy. Félix had finally admitted he desired me, wanted me. Possibly we would be together. The best part was that the investigator was sober and thinking clearly, asking for sincere forgiveness. I wanted him in my arms.
– Nathan... – I thought I heard my name. I looked toward whoever it was; the voice wasn't very familiar. I felt someone undress the top of my clothes, leaving me only with a white button-up shirt. They exposed my arm, I felt a prick; the needle pierced my vein. A few seconds of fear, but then any fear vanished, and a wonderful sensation took over me. The person touched my lips, wiping away the saliva there. So beautiful... It was the last thing I heard before entering a state of euphoria and bliss.