I closed my eyes, but the memories kept bleeding through. The voice wouldn't stop.
"You shut everyone out. Even yourself."
I did.
After him, after everything, I built walls so high no one could reach me. My heart, once soft and fragile, hardened like stone. I refused to fall in love. I refused to trust.
Love was a trick. A weakness. A path to heartbreak.
I had been on that path before, and it destroyed me.
So I became the one who destroyed first.
I gave heartbreaks like they were nothing. I spoke sweet words only to take them back. I watched as people fell for me, knowing I would never fall for them. And when their eyes turned hollow, when their smiles faded into pain, I felt nothing.
Nothing.
"Liar," the voice whispered.
I clenched my fists.
"You hated him, didn't you? You hated everyone."
I did.
I hated him for breaking me. I hated my so-called friends for leaving me. I hated my family for never seeing me.
But most of all...
I hated myself.
Because even when my heart softened, even when someone's love started to reach me, I would shut my eyes. I would take every possible way to block it out.
I refused to feel.
"And now?" the voice taunted.
I sucked in a shaky breath.
Now, I was alone.
Surrounded by nothing but my own misery.
Drowning in the pain I had once tried so hard to run from.
The voice didn't stop. It kept digging into me, peeling back every layer I had buried deep, shoving memories into my face like shards of broken glass.
"You think you've won by shutting everyone out?" it asked, its tone sharp. "Then why do you still cry when no one is watching?"
I clenched my teeth.
"Why do you wake up in the middle of the night, heart racing, breath shaking?"
The images hit me like a storm.
I saw myself—back then, before all of this. Before I let the darkness swallow me. Before I built these walls. I was laughing. Smiling. Holding onto hands that I thought would never let go.
Then I saw what came after.
The fights.
The cold shoulders.
The nights I spent curled up alone, tears soaking my pillow.
The sound of footsteps walking away instead of toward me.
"You think you're strong," the voice continued, "but you're just a coward. Too afraid to feel, too afraid to lose—so you push people away first."
I shook my head. "Stop."
"And what did that leave you with?"
I pressed my hands against my ears. "Stop."
"Look at yourself!"
And then I did.
For the first time in years, I truly looked at myself.
A hollow person. A girl who had locked herself away, breaking hearts just so she wouldn't have to feel her own breaking.
I gasped for air as my chest tightened. It hurt. It hurt so much.
The voice wasn't done.
"You lost everyone."
The words slammed into me, and suddenly, I was screaming.
A broken, raw scream that tore through the silence of my lonely world. A scream filled with years of pain I had never let myself feel.
I clawed at my chest as if I could rip the pain out of me.
I wanted to.
I fell to the floor, trembling, sobbing so hard my body shook. My head pounded. My throat burned. My nails dug into my skin, but nothing—nothing—could stop the ache inside me.
"You did this to yourself," the voice whispered, softer now. "But it's not too late."
I shook my head violently. "No. It is."
"You still have a choice."
I let out a bitter laugh between my sobs. "A choice?" My voice cracked. "I have nothing left!"
The voice went silent for a moment. Then, it spoke again.
"Then build again."
I choked on another sob.
I didn't know how.
I had spent so long destroying.
How was I supposed to start over?