"There's nothing more frustrating than being unable to overcome a wall."
In the middle of a lecture, there sat a boy towards the back, lounging about and seeming attentive to the professor's word.
He stays in the back to enjoy being lowkey, unnoticed, and subtle. Not someone who likes to be proactive or enjoys attention, he prefers listening quietly from beginning to end.
Watching the time slowly tick forward, the boy casts down his phone on the desk and patiently waits for the professor to conclude the lesson.
While the professor concludes the lesson, the students all gather their materials and proceed to walk towards the exit, some going to their next class, some going to a nearby eatery, and some heading home.
I belong to the latter, going home. Truthfully speaking, I'm not someone who enjoys schools. From an early age, I never once enjoyed school. Not one bit.
Learning things has always been complicated for me, things that were easy for others to pick up, were tougher on me. Things that people enjoyed doing at school such as socializing, making friends, etc. Not for me.
Although I do admit, early education has brought me to the point where I can confidently say that I'm quite knowledgeable. Although being knowledgeable is quite vague, I'd like to think that I understand enough about the world and about people to position myself correctly in life.
Similar to video games where the place and time matter to proceed forward, I understand where I need to be and at what time to further myself.
But needless to say, my lack of ability to learn still holds me back in advanced education.
"If I could, I'd rather just figure out a way to make money than go to school."
I tell myself things like this and continue to contradict myself by pursuing school anyways, college is expensive and it's a path that I regret taking, and one I don't see an end to.
Driving my way back to my apartment, I park up and walk up the stairs. An apartment room up a flight of staircases was never something I wanted, life gave me no opportunities for anything good in life.
Unlocking the door, I enter my spacious room. Spacious because of lack of furniture and other things.
Living alone in my apartment, I don't see any reason for me to buy excess things. A singular couch, a TV paired with a TV stand. That's what my living room looks like.
A bed with a desk, that is my bedroom. A kitchen with a plate for myself, a cup for myself, and utensils for myself.
It's not a surprise, if a single person lives alone, it's not hard to imagine that they'll have less junk in comparison to a family, right?
Though I do notice the lack of hobbies I have, but I was thinking about picking up a hobby or two.
Strolling towards my room, I pick up some fresh clothes that happened to be in sight, and strip away my clothing as I head over to the bathroom.
"One good thing about living alone is the lack of worries of others."
Living freely in my own place is like a dream to me. No one to worry about, no one to bother me, and being really comfortable.
I feel that although it's like a dream to me, there are some downsides.
I'd have to constantly maintain myself, take care of myself, and control myself.
Only reason why I say these things is because, I'm lazy simply put. I put in effort to take care of myself out of obligation and fear of knowing no one can help me. Though I say this, I still got a whole family back at home, two parents still living and a bunch of siblings.
Maintaining myself is quite a chore since it's hard to get motivated and live the way I want. Cleaning dishes after I eat is easy, working out by myself in the apartment is a different story though.
Usually, I like to blast music but within the first day, I got a noise complaint and therefore I just do it in peace and quiet. Not that I don't have headphones but, they just repeatedly fall out during workouts, maybe I need to find a better fitted earphone?
Stepping out the shower, I appear drenched, letting my hair air dry by itself.
I make my way over to the living room and relax on the couch that is too big for a single person. Maybe a chair would've been a better choice?
I turn on the TV and allow it to play whatever random channel it has. Usually I try to find a cartoon channel but today, I'm feeling especially lazy. Sitting on the couch, I let my thoughts ponder.
It's not like I have nothing better to do, I could go to my desk, pull up my assignments for the week and do them. But, I like my time and I don't let forcing myself to do things.
The only exception is when things are forcing me to do it, like a deadline. Main reason why I hate school by the way, they force education upon you, it's never really up to you if you gradually accept what you're taught.
You're forced into a predicament where you either learn and do good, or you get kicked out.
Don't do your homework, you get penalized, don't do you assignments, you get point deductions, don't show up to school, you get school complaints, don't show up to class, you get point deductions as well.
Sometimes, I just want to take the easy route in life but the easy route never showed up.
"If society requires you to make money to live, why aren't I learning how to make money?"
I like to contradict myself often, mainly because I find it reassuring to know that there's a part of me that's rational.
If I were irrational, life would most likely have gone the wrong way, more ways than one.
It's difficult, I'm not really someone who enjoys the complicated things, I just like making things complicated and easily solving it.
It's a falsified genius act from my perspective, but a dumb move from others.
"Why complicate things when you can just simplify it from the beginning and then solve it?"
These thoughts are what complicates my life, sometimes I'm not even sure why I think this way.
Also, this isn't my first year, I'm on my way to my third year of college.