Chapter 10 - The Interview

I would like to state for the record that I was right. I mean, I knew I was gonna be right because of meta-knowledge, but still, I was right, and that was what mattered. As to what I was right about? Everyone else being willing to donate their oil to Doll, of course. And also keep their mouths shut. Emily and Trevor were more confused than the rest, and everyone was concerned, but I now had a regularly scheduled session of oil-letting with the boys and girls every other week on Saturday mornings, and I was safe to use the freely donated oil while spending literal months on end devoting an entire industrial-grade matter printer to producing a meager 4 barrels of drone oil for emergencies. Still, things were looking up, Doll and Lizzy were doing fine, everyone had made a satanic blood pact to ritualistically offer our vitae to my favorite Russian badass, and I'd came up with an excuse on the fly to make sure that Uzi wouldn't offer her own oil and potentially trigger her own Solver ahead of schedule. And yes, before anyone asked, much like the gigachad he was, Thad was the first person after hearing the story to go "Alright, how much oil can I safely give?"

Anyways, the months kept ticking by, and everything was doing fine, Doll didn't have any other oil issues, Khan had seemed to finally back off from smothering Uzi with doors and public humiliation, I got that pen-light bootloop flasher done (directional, because flashing yourself would be very dumb), and had entirely finished Vault 1, designing, prototyping, and beginning to produce a variety of guns, ammunition, explosives, and other weapons to stock the armory with, as well as getting initial work done for Vault 2. We were starting to close on two whole years since I ended up on Copper 9, with Uzi's 9th Birthday around the corner, and it was really sinking in on a subconscious level that after some 25 months since my arrival, this really was my new reality. Weird how the human psyche worked like that, even without an actual biological brain to back it up anymore.

That Tuesday's class had started like any other school day, the usual attendance being taken, and then me mostly tuning out lessons as I dug onto the internet via my own OS, working on optimizing my various war crimes in preparation for killing a god. I'd gotten a notification on my news feed that Khan was doing an interview with Outpost 9 today, and I'd initially dismissed that as this being the moment where he got that "Certificate of Best Door" that we saw for a second in the Pilot when Uzi stole his Master Key at 3am in order to sneak out to try and kill a Murder Drone, an action that ultimately lead to her and her future boyfriend meeting by nearly killing each other and kicking off a chain of events that only ended with literal planetary-scale destruction and deicide. Looking back, I regret having dismissed that event so carelessly. I really should have known better.

It began as a slightly intensified whispering to the usual background noise of students in the class, who at one point or another would usually be either on a phone or using their own OS to browse social media or some crap. I heard Lizzy's phone vibrate a few times. It did that fairly often, with how often she used it, but still. But then it kept going off. Way more than usual. I actually closed my tabs, and leaned forwards to take a look over, and saw Lizzy's optics slowly hollow in real time as they darted back and forth to read the screen. I got more concerned when I saw Rebecca doing the same, Darren glancing over to her before she evidently DM'd him something and he froze completely still as his own optics hollowed. I heard Thad suck in a breath as he glanced at Uzi, who started to look around in confusion at the intensifying whispers, and then the group chat pinged.

Thad_the_Chad: [Has shared a video file] I am so, so, SO sorry for you Uzi.

With increasing trepidation, I took a look at the video file, which showed a clip from Khan's interview. Khan was seated at a desk in some nondescript room I couldn't recognize off the top of my head, and was laughing at something the interviewer had said. "So, Mr. Doorman," a man's voice asked him, "What's it like to run the WDF and make Murder Drone-Proof Doors while also trying to raise a kid?"

Khan's smile died down really quickly, and he looked pensive for a moment, before starting to speak. "I'm… really busy all the time, you know? Takes a lot of maintenance to keep such good doors in peak condition. But I still try to connect with my daughter, especially over doors, because they're so great! But… it's just… she doesn't seem to really understand how great doors are. I've tried for years now to connect with Uzi, with a whole bunch of different things about doors to show her how great they are, but she just shuts me down every time and even seems to hate doors, which, you know, I just can't understand. They're doors , for crying out loud! It's just… I feel like I don't understand my own kid, and can't figure out where I went wrong. She has friends, but they don't curb her rebellious habits, they just encourage them! She spends her time listening to Nightcore, watching Anime, and designing weapons ! Instead of being more stalwart, and vigilant! Like doors! Doors are easy to understand! They listen to me! I have a great relationship with doors! But then Uzi doesn't want anything to do with her old man's perfectly sensible passions! It's just… doors are so important, so much easier to deal with, that sometimes, I feel like doors are my real daughter."

My processors blanked out for a second, and I did a full mental reboot. I replayed the scene after doing so just to make sure I actually saw and heard what I just did. The empirical evidence did not lie. The recording played for a bit longer while I sat there.

"Mr. Doorman? That… doesn't really make sense…"

"What do you mean, that doesn't make sense?" he exclaimed. "It makes perfect sense!"

I tuned out the rest of the utter bullshit that asshole was saying and shut the recording. My mind was flashing back to a similar scene from The Neglected Children of Outpost 3, by Dr_Fanatic. Except this time, it wasn't Lizzy overhearing an argument between Uzi and Khan and realizing he neglected her as bad as her own dad, and trying to mend things with Uzi afterwards, and the moment of the Interview being followed by her having the character development of risking her own popularity to defend Uzi. That growth has happened already. As it did for the others. I'd seen to it. But still, the uncanny parallel left me deeply uncomfortable on top of everything else I was feeling right now. And I was dealing with enough emotions that I'd overclocked on reflex.

It was one thing to see it as a visual gag on a poster in the background on a screen to a character who hadn't been real to me at the time. Seeing it happen live, in person, to someone I'd considered a friend for well over a year by this point, was something else entirely. I liked to keep myself collected. I liked to stay mostly calm. I did especially dumb shit when I was mad. But right now? What I'd just seen and heard was throwing that carefully crafted persona out the window, and revealing the human ghost in the shell underneath, who was stressed beyond all belief by being forced into the role of trying to prevent his own death, the deaths of all the people he's come to care about, and saving the universe in general. And that human was not staying calm right now.

There were whispers intensifying all around the room. Even Lizzy's dad had stopped speaking, and his visor flickered as he checked the internet himself to see what all the talk was about. I glanced over at Uzi, whose optics had hollowed to pixel thick rings, brimming with tears. Her mouth was moving, trembling, and the tears started to slide down her own display as her hands shook. Without any further warning, she burst to her feet and sprinted to the door, slamming the release switch and running out as soon as it opened, breath hitching as she fought down sobs.

Logically , I knew this wasn't my fault. It was a canon event, and even if I'd done nothing, it was gonna happen regardless. But, technically, my actions and their results had led to it happening in this specific manner, probably sooner than in canon to boot. And Uzi was humiliated, and emotionally devastated by what by most metrics, would be her own father publicly admitting he cares more about doors than his only child. And I knew that logically , Khan did care, but he was shit at showing it, and it took Armageddon happening for him to finally lock in. But it still felt like it was my fault this happened. My fault that my friend was being hurt so badly. So in addition to the hot cocktail of burning anger towards Khan, I felt a bitter mix of shame and guilt as well.

I felt responsible for this. And so I was fucking pissed . At Khan, for being a fucking idiot. At Nori, for pulling a Raven Branwen and causing shit to get this bad in the first place. At the Solver, for being the root cause of all this. But mostly at myself. For being such a spineless coward that I hadn't tried harder to stop this from happening in the first place. Even if I knew I was doing good by any metric, that I had no way to head this off in advance without taking massive risks for minimal practical payoff, that I was making progress that was bordering on Gary Stu levels… psychological hangups from when I was still a meat person told me that I could have, should have, done better.

I still shoved all that aside as I shot up from my own seat in tandem with Doll, an unspoken agreement passing between us as we started to chase after Uzi. I saw the teacher open his mouth in my peripheral vision, only to close it just as fast and pretend to not pay attention as we both ditched class to chase after our friend. We both sprinted out of the door, looking in opposite directions but already not seeing any sign of Uzi.

" Merda ," I spat out. "Split up?"

She looked at me, as if only now consciously realizing I was with her. She took maybe half a second, before she replied with a curt " Yeah. DM if one of us finds her first? "

"Yep," I said, and then we were both off to look for Uzi.

I cheated with liberal use of Overclock to do the physical action of looking around way faster than I could otherwise, but I was still limited by how fast my legs could run and how fast my head could turn. Time kept ticking by and I kept feeling worse knowing that each second that passed was another one where Uzi was dealing with all this alone, and I had to fight my own subconscious to focus on looking for her instead of berating myself for something beyond my control. Still, I froze mid-stride and nearly fell on my face when I got a DM ping from Lizzy to Doll and myself.

Babeatron-Queenthousand: Penny DM'd me on Spacebook. She said she was in the girl's room on the far side of the school when Uzi barreled in and locked herself in a stall and is now bawling her eyes out.

Isekai_Protagonist: OTW. Thanks Liz.

Кукла: I'll be right there. Thank you Liz.

Once again, overclocking was just straight up cheating at life, because I barrelled around a corner, and nearly collided with Doll coming around from the other side of that corner, only for me to use bullet-time to avoid slamming into her and crashing into a pile of drones on the floor. Instead, I managed to methodically plan out how to use my parkour training to twist, spin us both around, keep Doll on her feet, and tumble into a roll and come back up to a crouch myself, springing back to my own feet a moment later. "Sorry. You okay?" I asked.

She stared at me in abject shock for a moment, before she shook her head and said. "Yeah . Let's go. " We started running together, and just a minute later came up to the girl's room in question, where Penny was standing outside the door with a worried look on her face.

"What… what messed Uzi up so badly?"

" You remember her name? " Doll asked, honestly surprised, because really , Emily and Trevor had been the exceptions to the rule when it came to drones outside our friend group.

"Well, I felt kinda guilty about forgetting her name after she was so messed up by that Door Expo, so I tried to memorize it, and I also overheard that her birthday was coming up, so I was making her a dress to offer as an apology and a present," Penny explained, and I had to do a mental double-take, my opinion of the girl ticking up by several degrees. "But… what's got her so messed up? I felt awful just seeing it, and so I sent a message on Spacebook to Lizzy right away."

I shook my head, and took a step forward. "Go… go look up Khan's interview with Outpost 9 if you want the story," I said, not trusting myself not to lose my already tenuous temper if I tried recounting that. "But thanks for reaching out to Lizzy discreetly. We appreciate it." A beat passed as Doll slipped into the bathroom, and then I asked, "Is there… anyone else in there right now? Because, you know, girl's room, and… well, I'm a guy."

Penny stared at me dumbly for a moment, reminding me that for all my presence had been helping these people grow as people , they were still Worker Drones, and sometimes were a bit slower on awareness than was healthy. "Oh! Uh, no! You can go in!"

"Alright," I told her. "Thanks, Penny. And, when you finish that dress for Uzi, let me know. I'll tell you details for her birthday… whenever we sort this mess out and figure that out, so you'll know when and where to go for that."

"Thanks Joe!" she said, giving me a wave and I went into the girls room… huh, this was the first time I've done that in this life. Also, to be perfectly transparent to my 4th Wall audience, when I'd done it in my first life, I'd done it after school, when no one else was in there, solely so I could say I've done it. Just, you know, that morbid pre-puberty curiosity of "Well, you told me I can't go in there, so now I want to go in there more !" I wanted to do the forbidden thing but also not get caught in the process. At the time, the room was just a pink version of the boy's room to me, and I was confused by the excess of toilets, because Catholic schools are dumb and I didn't learn that cis-girls didn't have a penis and therefore couldn't use urinals until the 5th grade. Mind you, I learned the term transgender and what that meant in the fourth grade, but only found out that most girls had something besides a penis between their legs a year after that. Thank you for that, religious educational institutions.

Anyways, this bathroom was functionally identical to the boy's room save for the pink image of a smiling drone on the front door as opposed to a blue one. Which made sense, since drones didn't have genitals and only shat. As soon as I came in, I heard Uzi sobbing, and saw Doll standing outside one of the stalls, which was locked, and where the lamentations of Uzi were coming from. Doll was begging for her cousin to let her in, but I could already tell Uzi wasn't anywhere near the emotional state to even answer that, nevermind actually comply. So I just headed into the next stall over, used the toilet as a stepping stool ( so nice that all drones sat down when they went and I didn't have to worry about inconsiderate bastards leaving piss stains all over the toilet because they had the aim of a fucking Star Wars stormtrooper when it came to urinating) to spring up the wall between stalls, cringing slightly as the metal creaked from my weight before I vaulted it and plopped down next to Uzi, earning a startled squeak from the girl before I undid the latch on the door. Without turning around, before I opened it, I asked, "You are decent by the way, right? Just, you know, wanna make sure. I very much did not look regardless."

I heard a sniffle from behind me. "Y-yeah," Uzi managed to whisper out.

I swung the door open and stepped to the side as Doll made the stall even more cramped than it already was. She immediately passed me and I turned in time to see her wrap Uzi in a hug as her cousin froze for a moment, before responding in kind and wrapping her arms around the other purple-haired Solver Drone, before starting to sob again. I stood there for a few moments, taking in the scene and just generally feeling awful, and decided that words weren't going to be enough, and so I stepped forwards and wrapped my arms around the both of them. Uzi started sobbing harder.

"Why, why does he hate me?" Uzi managed to get out between her cries.

I had to overclock to formulate a proper response. "He… he doesn't hate you, Uzi. He's just a massive fucking idiot."

"B-but, why ? In… in a public interview ?"

" I'm going to stab him, " Doll said in a tone that was serious enough that I pulled back a bit to look her in the optics, noticing her right eyemote flicker, though I didn't catch the Solver this time. I took in just how pissed Doll was, and looked back to Uzi, seeing the raw hurt in her own optics, tears still streaming down her display, and despite the overclocks, despite my best efforts, and despite even my emotional repression programs, which I'd had running on a low intensity ever since I left the classroom, something finally fucking snapped.

I let go of the hug and stood up, optics narrowing to a grey-eyed glare. "Doll," I said, in a dead tone, a big enough break from my usual mannerisms that it made her put her own rage on pause as she looked at me.

" Joe ?" she asked, sounding concerned even as she kept holding onto a still-sobbing Uzi.

"Watch Uzi," I said, getting up and starting to leave.

" Where are you going? " Doll asked as I slipped out of her line of sight.

I stopped at the door and took a moment. My fists were clenched and shaking with rage. "I have some fucking words to tell Khan, right now."

I left before she could reply, stopping outside the door when I saw Penny still standing there, optics hollow. She'd evidently watched that part of the interview. It was a fucking struggle to manage my rage and not blow up on someone who didn't deserve it. "I… I can't," Penny whispered out. "I'm so sorry for Uzi."

I forced myself to talk in as calm a manner as I could manage, and Penny flinched at the anger that was still leaking into my tone, even if it wasn't directed at her. "You can go in and offer your sympathies. If they want you out after that, listen ."

"W-where are you going?"

"I am going to find Khan Doorman," I said with a growl, "And when I do, I can promise you that I am going to punch him in the fucking face ."

Penny didn't reply as I stalked off.

_________

I found Khan Doorman outside Door 3 chatting with several other members of the WDF. I was almost… disappointed with how easy finding the asshole was. I'd had a whole host of gadgets I'd manufactured and talents I'd been curating, fully prepared to have to use several of them in tandem to reach the guy as fast as my anger was demanding, but it was all a moot point when he was right the fuck there, no Murder Drone Proofed doors to separate us. After all, my time coding hasn't just been spent on the overclock, the blink animation toggle, the poker face GIF, the dysentery darts, and that other virus that I was still working on in the background. I was also learning a decent degree of hacking. Not nearly Uzi Doorman levels of hacking prowess, but enough that I could hack into my own hab unit if I ever needed to. So in a dim part in the back of my mind, behind all the anger, I was actually kinda upset but also relieved I wouldn't have to reveal that particular card in my hand when I finally found the target of my ire acting like he didn't just cause devastating emotional trauma to his only child. Even as pissed off as I was, some part of me had wanted to have an excuse to try hacking open Khan's precious doors to get to him just so I could style on him on top of everything else… Coming off as a hyper competent badass when I was actually just a filthy cheater with only a decent idea of what he was doing that was fucking terrified of what was coming was simultaneously hilarious and cool, okay? Let me use my unhealthy coping mechanisms for not just my anger but all my existential dread in general, bastardi !

"Oh!" Khan said, turning around as I walked up to him. "Shouldn't you be in school right now, youn--"

I'd made a promise. Something I very rarely do because I hate being beholden to keeping my word. But when I do make a promise, I keep it. So I cut Khan off. By winding my clenched, right fist up, falling back on various martial arts I've downloaded and practiced on in my free time, and sending it sailing straight into his fucking face , just like I said I would. There was a crunch as the material of his visor cracked from the impact, and Khan actually flipped ass-over-teakettle before landing on his back. He groaned on the floor for a moment while everyone else present stared in shock.

"You stupid, moronic, door-fucking bastard ," I seethed out. "Shut the fuck up ."

There were about a dozen other WDF drones present who'd been standing in shock, only to spring into action at my words. "Hey, you can't--" someone started saying as several people moved to restrain me.

I had absolutely none of it, reaching into my pocket and pulling out the pen-light I'd had for a couple months by now. I took a thousandth of a second in overclock to check that, of course , my luck had me pull it out facing the wrong way, and I quickly twisted it in my grip before turning on the closest drone to me and pressing the button atop it. There was a sudden flash accompanied by a FWSH going out in the direction I was facing, and a startled squawk from several drones that stuttered out into nothing a second later as they froze, visors displaying a reboot sequence as they all fell over. Given that they were made from industrial grade metals and plastics, the short fall had no chance of actually damaging them, so I just turned to the other direction and pressed the button again to bootloop all the other onlookers before they could react. A quick glance behind me, to verify there wasn't anyone else, and then I looked back in front of me at Khan pushing himself back up, before freezing and taking a look around at the rest of his subordinates. I put the pen back in my pocket. Experience from testing told me that I had a solid ten minutes at minimum before those folks started booting up, so I set an alarm for nine just in case, and then affixed the head of the WDF with my best glare. "Now where the fuck was I?"

"Y-you--"

"Shut the fuck up, Khan Doorman," I snapped out. Because Jesus fucking Christ, I've lost my cool today, was beyond fucking pissed, and was about half a second from snapping further and digging a trench through Khan's kneecaps . And yes, I was aware we technically didn't have those, but fuck off , 4th Wall, my point still stands. "Do you have…" I had to pause and rein myself in, "Do you have any iota of an idea just how much you've hurt Uzi?"

"What are you--"

" Smettila di parlare, pezzo di merda! " I cut him off. "JUST STOP! FUCKING! TALKING! YOU PIECE OF SHIT !!!" I screamed, fists clenched, and I took a few moments to breathe, because I was still dangerously close to really fucking losing my shit right now. "Let me… let me spell it out to you," I began in a low tone, "because you're that fucking dense, apparently. You just said, on a public interview , to multiple cities worth of drones, that you care about fucking doors more than your own child . Uzi is fucking bawling her optics out in the girls' room at school because she's convinced her own father hates her and only cares about doors !" I said, getting louder as I went. "Do you have any kind of clue as to the level of public humiliation you just put your child through? Do you have any idea just how much worse the bullying we already have to actively work to prevent, nevermind the constant whispered insults and belittlements in the hallways she already has to deal with, are going to get now?"

"U-Uzi's never told me about any bu--" I cut off his defense yet again.

"Have you actually talked to your own daughter any time at all in the past two years about anything that wasn't fucking doors ? Did you even know she's autistic? Did you know that Chad pushed her down the stairs at school over a dozen times before we had to blackmail him into stopping?!? Did you know that I carry around glue dissolvers at all times because I'm still paranoid that someone's going to try to glue her locker shut again ?!?" I shouted at him.

Khan, still holding his cracked visor with one hand, went to raise a finger to respond, opened his mouth, but then paused, blinking a few times. His optics started to hollow.

"Do you know anything about your kid beyond interests that don't match your own, that she picked up in an attempt to emulate the mother she barely remembers?" I asked him with a snarl. "Do you even know the names of any of her friends besides Doll? Do you even know my name?!?" I shouted at him. "Because I've been her friend for twenty-four fucking months at this point, and I'll eat my godsdamned hand if you actually know a single one of our names!"

Khan finally kept his fucking mouth shut.

"I have fucking amnesia because a Murder Drone gave me a fucking lombotomy and subsequent identity death , but I can say without a shadow of a doubt that you are the single worst parent I've met since I woke up as me! It pisses me the FUCK OFF that the only good things I can say about you as a parent is that you haven't physically or sexually abused your own child!" Khan twitched, as if going to reply to me, but I think I've traumatized the fucking idiot enough that he'd gone nonverbal. "At best , you've emotionally neglected her, and at worst , you've routinely, publicly humiliated her, outright emotionally abused her, and have made the bullying she already has to deal with worse! She's uncomfortable just being near you, and after this, I wouldn't be surprised if she'd actually be afraid of you, scared that her own father is going to hurt her more!"

Khan seemed to suddenly get a bout of confidence, and stood himself up. "If, if you think you're going to try and woo my daughter away fro--"

I cut him off again as I audibly slapped a hand onto my entrenching tool, Khan's optics locking onto the source of the sound. "If you finish that fucking sentence and suggest I'm doing this shit because I'm trying to fucking date your kid , I will dig a trench through your fucking knees , and that is a PROMISE , ASSHOLE!" I screamed. I clenched my fist around my weapon's handle hard enough that I could hear the ceramics of my fingers groan at the stress, and closed my optics, overclocking, and taking a few moments in bullet time to remind myself that I really shouldn't actually do that, but simultaneously resolving that if Khan was fucking dumb enough to finish that sentence, I absolutely would , consequences be damned. I opened my optics back up, and went back to glaring at Khan.

"Uzi is my friend , nothing more, and nothing less. I care because she's my friend, whose own father has made her cry half a dozen times since I've gotten to know her! All she has ever fucking wanted from you was for you to care about her, to tell her that she matters , to pay attention to her in a way that doesn't involve fucking doors , and for you to be proud of her wanting to emulate her mom and come up with her own way to fight back against the Murder Drones. Because NEWS FLASH, DUMBASS, THE GENOCIDE ROBOTS OUT THERE," I said, snapping my hand off my weapon and pointing a finger towards Door 3, bringing air into my internal cooling fans as I fought my tone back down, "only have to get lucky once to get in, and if we don't have anything besides those doors to fight back, we're all dead , Uzi included!"

"I… I…" Khan trailed off, and I had to remind myself that he was also autistic, and that I had to balance a fine line between venting all the stress that I'd been building for months, and actually driving my point into his dense, traumatized processors.

"Yeah," I said, trying to be a bit more calm, "Your doors kept the Murder Drones out since the last break-in. But they didn't help my parents. They didn't help Doll's parents. They didn't help the parents of over half my friends. And focusing on them so hard hasn't helped Uzi at any point between now and then. I can forgive working overtime to get Door 3 built. But I can't forgive all the times you've ignored her after that. And from what I've heard, you were just as bad before that, as well. So can you really say that throwing yourself into them to the point of hyperfixation was worth neglecting your own kid? Was it worth her thinking you hate her, and only tolerate her presence because she's your late wife's kid? Because really," I said, raising my voice one last time because I really wanted to hammer this point through the sheer density of Khan's processors, "you should be glad your wife is dead , because if she wasn't and heard what you said about her daughter, she'd scrap your pathetic chassis!!!"

"I… I… oh robo-god , Nori…" Khan's optics were hollowed again, and he just stared past me, fingers twitching, hands shaking, and I realized that I'd broken the prick. I'd driven the point through, and all of the sudden I just felt drained , the anger fizzling away because anything further was kicking him while he was down. I shook my head and sighed at the anti-climax. Fuck it , I thought, just wrap shit up and leave, I got more important things to do then yell at this dumbass . Like checking on Uzi again .

"Look at me, you idiot," I said, snapping my fingers, and he flinched and met my optics with his own. "The only reason I'm verbally ripping you a new waste-ejection port right now is because some-fucking-how , Uzi still cares about you, and would get more upset if I actually did anything worse than sock you in the face. I'm gonna go check in on her again now, because unlike you, I apparently care how she feels, and I left her sobbing in Doll's arms because I went over here to tell you how badly you've fucked up. I'm done with you. You made the mistake. You're the adult. You figure out how to fix the mess you made. Just know that if you do something like this to Uzi again, I'm not going to be the only person coming after you this time, because the rest of us care about each other just as much."

I turned around and started walking away, just feeling burnt out, but also… actually kinda satisfied, because revenge was awesome and that felt cathartic as fuck after all the downright retarded door-related bullshit. I didn't hear Khan moving behind me. Then something occurred to me, and I stopped. Might as well get that done too, while I was here. "By the way," I called back behind me, half turning to make sure Khan was paying attention, so I could add just a little insult to injury while also future-proofing something that would otherwise be a problem. Just because I was pissed didn't mean I couldn't get some Isekai work done while I was here. "Cover up the vents betwe en the front doors with the same stuff the doors themselves are made of. If the Murder Drones ever get past the Door 1, they can literally crawl through them to ignore the other two."

Khan flinched, twisting to look back at Door 3, before turning back to me, seeing me still standing there and staring at him. He flinched again, refusing to meet my gaze anymore, but he nodded, and I turned around and kept walking away. I just shook my head and put my hands in my pockets, leaving the man to his thoughts, disabling the 9-minute alarm I'd set as I rounded the corner and kept going.

___________

A quick check with Doll over the group chat told me that she and Uzi had gone back to the Doorman residence, and she was currently comforting her cousin in her room. I said I was on the way, but made a quick detour to my own residence first. I slipped in, did a quick check around the premises to make sure that anything that shouldn't be in the open was in the safe under the floor under the bed in the dead parent's room. It was, because I was paranoid, which I was thankful for. I removed the pen light and the spare oil stim I kept on me and put them in the safe, smoothing out the bed and doing my best to make sure that the entire room looked like I only went into it to keep it clean. There was a non-zero chance the WDF was actually going to try and arrest me for (legally speaking) committing battery on Khan, and even if I didn't actually harm anyone, legally speaking, bootlooping over a dozen members of the WDF technically also counted as an equal number of counts of assault. So obviously, I wouldn't want to have anything on me that could be considered contraband, and I really didn't want the WDF getting their hands on that pen-light. Given that I was seen by multiple witnesses with my entrenching tool, hiding it would probably make anyone going after me more likely to ransack my hab to search for it, so I decided to keep it on me. I could always fabricate another one if I had to.

Following that, I headed over to the Doorman hab, shooting Doll a message when I got there. A few moments later, she opened the door for me, giving me an apprehensive look. " What did you do ?" she asked me.

"Socked Khan in the face--"

" Good ," she said.

I stared at her for a moment. She stared back. Then we both started laughing at the fucking absurdity of the situation. We were in the dude's house , and I'd just punched him in the face and cursed him out and knocked a dozen other people unconscious. It actually was ridiculous when you thought about it. We both sobered up really quickly though.

" Lizzy's been sending us whatever work we've missed, though it was Kelsey's idea to do so, " Doll added. " And her dad doesn't seem too mad that we ran out."

"That's something at least. How's Uzi holding up?" I asked. Doll winced. "That bad?"

" She's not crying anymore, but I think that's because she metaphorically ran out of tears, " Doll said.

I sighed. "Lead the way," I said, and followed her and she brought us to Uzi's room. I've been there a few times now, but it was still interesting to look at. Her kickass computer over there, a bunch of posters on the wall, a workbench with some manner of what looked like an extremely haphazard microwave emitter half-built upon it, a conspiracy board already building up on the ceiling about the murder drones-- I blinked a few times as I noticed a paper with the words "Why are they weirdly hot?" scribbled on it in a corner, nearly hidden by a printed security photo showing V, and another one showing N. Huh, that shipping seed I planted might have been bearing more fruit than I thought it would , I thought. I don't think Doll noticed it, because I only did by cheating and using an overclock to look over the whole board in detail in less than half a second.

Uzi herself was seated on her bed, legs curled up and her arms wrapped about them as she stared blankly ahead. I took in the sight for a few moments as Doll sat down next to her and offered her a hug. From my own depressive episodes in my first life, I could tell that leaving Uzi to her thoughts was the last thing she needed now, and so I opened up a DM to Lizzy.

Isekai_Protagonist: Hey Lizzy.

Babeatron-Queenthousand: Joe? Is everything okay? Doll said you went after that asshole and you didn't reply to anything since then.

I overclocked, resisted the urge to facepalm, and checked that yes, I did , in fact, have over a dozen notifications from concerned friends. I sighed. I'd address them later.

Isekai_Protagonist: Yeah, I'm fine. Punched Khan in the face, and verbally tore him a new asshole. At Uzi's with her and Doll RN.

Babeatron-Queenthousand: Is Uzi okay?

Isekai_Protagonist: No, and that's what I wanted to talk about.

Isekai_Protagonist: I don't trust that asshat to take care of her RN. Doll's house is still a mess apparently (offer to help her clean is still open) and stupid cultural taboos inherited from humans mean that people will get the wrong idea if I have her at my house, because I'm a guy and there's no parental supervision.

Isekai_Protagonist: So will your dad mind if she stays with you for the next few days at least? If not, I'll ask Rebecca.

Babeatron-Queenthousand: She's good! She wants to clean it herself! Trust me, I've seen it, you don't deserve that.

So, she definitely knew about the corpses, beyond a shadow of a doubt, and was covering for Doll. Concerning, but also kinda endearing in a "I'm watching out for my bestie no matter what" kinda way.

Babeatron-Queenthousand: I have Doll over all the time. He won't mind me having Uzi over for a couple days.

Isekai_Protagonist: Cool. I'll get Uzi to pack, and we'll head over when school lets out.

Babeatron-Queenthousand: You can head over early. I gave Doll a spare key.

Isekai_Protagonist: You're the best, Liz.

Babeatron-Queenthousand: Obviously! I'm me!

Isekai_Protagonist: Lol.

"Alright," I said aloud. "Uzi, what do we need to pack?"

Uzi looked up at me, confused, but didn't manage to say anything. It was Doll who responded. " What ?"

"I don't trust Uzi with that stronzo right now. So I cleared things with Lizzy. Pack up whatever you need for a couple weeks. You'll room with her for now. We can have you stay with Rebecca if Lizzy's dad stops allowing it for whatever reason," I explained.

"But… why Lizzy?" Uzi mumbled.

"I'm reasonably sure the WDF might try to arrest me in the near future after what I just did, Khan finding you at my house would be a horrendous scenario, and Doll's house is apparently permanently a mess," I explained.

Uzi looked at me, mouth moving, but she was struggling again. Gods , I felt so fucking bad for this poor girl right now. I got a ping from a DM to me and Doll.

Darkxwolf16: What did you do?

Oh! Damn, that was clever, Uzi! Show your 'tism who's boss! "I… might have punched your dad in the face, used sci-fi nonsense to knock a bunch of people out, and then verbally tore him a new waste-ejection port over all the shit he's put you through, so… yeah, that's probably why I might get arrested." Her mouth hung open as she stared at me. "He fucking pissed me off , okay?" I said. "I don't think things through when I get properly mad."

Darkxwolf16: You punched my dad in the FACE? And KNOCKED A BUNCH OF PEOPLE OUT?!?

"How did you do that ?" Doll asked me.

"Trade secret," I said.

" WHAT TRADE ?!?" Doll asked me, incredulous.

I overclocked to hide my laughter.

"Also a trade secret," I said with a straight face.

Darkxwolf16: One of these days, I'm gonna find out all your secrets Joe.

"And I simultaneously dread and look forward to that day," I said, completely honest. Uzi glowered at me, but she wasn't thinking about her dad, for the moment at least. "Alright, what do we need to pack, though?"

I'll spare folks the details of the 30 minutes it took to get together a bunch of Uzi's stuff and spare clothes (she was not happy about having to leave her computer behind, but she was even less happy about the idea of having to stay at this point), but we accomplished it all in that half hour, and the only remaining delay after we were ready was the minute I took to write on a sticky note that I posted on Uzi's door, telling Khan that we don't trust him with his kid, so we're having her staying with a friend. Not because I cared what he thought right now, but because I don't want him to think Uzi ran away from home or something, because that was the last fucking mess we needed.

___________

(Doll)

When I walked over to Lizzy's hab the morning after the Interview to walk Lizzy and Uzi to school, only the latter had came out. Nothing Lizzy had done could get Uzi to get out of her sleeping bag that morning, and even when I came in she was still a mess that was barely responding to anything I said. However the hell Joe had coaxed her out of the emotional shell she'd fallen into to get her to come to Lizzy's in the first place, she'd retreated back into it overnight.

So, both of us worried, we'd taken a minute for me to sip some oil from one of the dozens of thermoses Joe had lent me (where did he get all of them?), and we both walked to school. Lizzy held my hand for part of the way there, because she said she was really worried about Uzi and that holding my hand made her feel better. I didn't mind. Lizzy had already done so much for me, this was the least I could do to repay her. Still don't know why she was blushing when I accepted, or why she was so quick to yank her hand away when she heard some other students coming around a corner, though. It probably wasn't important.

I was surprised Joe wasn't in when we got to class, though. He was usually here before us, unless he went out of his way to meet us on the way to school. He didn't come in when the bell rang, and he didn't come in when Lizzy's dad came in either. I started to get nervous, but waited as attendance was taken. Then the teacher got to Uzi, and paused his monotone roll-call of the class when she didn't respond, because he knew she was currently sleeping over in his own hab. He looked up slowly, saw the empty seat, and then looked over to Lizzy, who suddenly froze, snapping her phone shut and stuffing it into a pocket. Her dad's eyes narrowed ever so slightly.

"Elizabeth?"

Lizzy went more rigid than a steel girder. Her dad only called her that when he was actually upset.

"Y-yeah dad?" the blonde asked.

"Why isn't Uzi here today?" her father questioned.

"E-extreme emotional duress?" Lizzy said with a cracking voice.

The teacher leveled his gaze on his daughter, unimpressed. And Lizzy surprised Doll when she suddenly stared back at him, refusing to blink. It… it really touched Doll that Lizzy had come this far from someone who'd been bullying her cousin (and she still felt terrible for just watching as it happened) to the point of being willing to risk actually upsetting her own father for Uzi's sake. A few seconds passed in silence as the class awaited with baited breath. And then the impossible happened. Lizzy's father's gaze softened ever so slightly, and he sighed, but not with disappointment. "As long as she makes up any work she misses by the end of the week, I'll excuse it. But only this one time. Understood?"

Lizzy gaped like a robotic fish, before suddenly shaking her head. "Yeah dad! I'll make sure she does!" And then, after a beat, quietly added, "Thanks…"

"Don't mention it," he said, and then continued with the attendance.

When he got to the end, it was Kelsey who asked, "Um, sir, do you know why Joe isn't in today?"

"Oh?" he said, looking up from his papers to meet Kelsey's gaze. "He got arrested by the WDF this morning. He already emailed me, and I'll be sending him the work he missed. Very responsible, that kid."

Doll's head shot up as she snapped her gaze to the teacher. " WHAT?!?" her shout was one that was echoed by all the rest of her friends.

__________

(Joseph)

Honestly, kinda disappointed in the WDF that it took them until the next morning to bang on my hab's door to come and arrest me. Like, seriously? That was some shit response time. And not even like, early morning, mind you. I definitely appreciated the courtesy, don't get me wrong, but these dinguses actually only showed up a good 10 minutes before I was going to go to school that day. So I took one last quick check that yes , I'd hidden everything that needed to be hidden, shot a quick email to Lizzy's dad that I was being arrested for punching Khan in the face and couldn't make it to class today, so I'd appreciate it if he could send me whatever work I was going to miss (dude, even his email address was literally MrTeacherMan -- which one, the universe was definitely conspiring to make sure I never found out his name at this point, and two, Johnny Test reference, much?) and then I headed over to open my door. Of course, I took a few moments in bullet time to internally have a laugh that their override codes didn't work after I'd upgraded my own front door. Isekai Protagonist 2, WDF 0.

The door slid open, "Can I help you?" I asked the half dozen members of the WDF that were waiting outside my hab. Interestingly enough, Khan wasn't with them.

"You're under arrest," said the woman at the forefront.

"On what charges?" I asked. I was willing to comply, of course, but I still wanted to test if worker drone incompetence was so bad that I could plausibly bullshit my way out of this.

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuh," the woman in front of me trailed off.

"Multiple counts of assault and a count of battery," a guy behind her cut in.

"Yeah, that!" the woman said. Damn, the dude must have worked at a law firm or something before the core collapse. Just my luck.

Outside of my thoughts, I shrugged. "Alright then, let's go," I said.

One of the guys further back blurted out. "You're just coming with us?"

I raised an eye-mote "Yeeeeeeeeeeees?" I said.

"What about that thing you used to knock a bunch of people out?!?" the lead woman sputtered.

"What thing?" I said, my innocent tone and posture the picture of plausible deniability.

"You little liar!" the ex-lawyer bot spat out. "Search his pockets!"

"I am only agreeing under duress!" I protested, as they started patting me down and searching my many pockets. Joke's on them, I only had a couple tools like wrenches and screwdrivers in there. Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft . And that whoopie cushion I'd specifically pocketed for this exact scenario that lawyer guy just grabbed and squeezed. I started chuckling.

Legal guy was pissed, all right, because he snatched my entrenching tool from me, which was possibly the only thing the guy could do to me right now that would be more than the most minor inconvenience. "Search his hab!" he barked.

"I did not consent to this, and you do not have a warrant!" I shouted, but didn't try to stop them. As predicted, they found jack shit, and left the whole place a mess. Dumbasses didn't even move the beds, nevermind tried to check for false floor or wall panels. "Man, I'm gonna have to clean that all up later!" I whined.

"Get walking," the woman in charge of the group prompted, and I rolled my optics as I started following them. Man, I could already tell this was gonna be an annoying few hours these people were gonna waste.

___________

As it would turn out, the WDF didn't actually have a jail to put me in. So, much like the child I was pretending to be, I'd been caught doing something naughty, and so I was literally sat on a stool in the corner in an office near Door 3. Jokes on them, I had an entire library of music from memories of my first life and music from this life that I could vibe to. Hell, I could literally run the original DOOM on my OS! Still, I could be doing literally anything else right now, but instead I've been put in time-out by Khan's jackbooted fascists! Man, I might be getting too into the Anarcho-Syndicalist LARP if I thought that unironically. Hmmmmmmmm… nah, they're an unelected military junta, even if they're the least professional military I've seen outside of videogames .

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooh yeah!

I sighed, and kept listening to Psychosocial by Slipknot while I kept waiting, immersing myself in the guitar and lyrics while I waited.

I did my time! And I want out!

So effusive! Fade, it doesn't cut!

The soul is not so vibrant!

The reckoning! The sickening!

Packaging subversion!

Pseudo-Sacrosanct Perversion!

Gods, this was fucking boring. Did these idiots really think I'd feel guilty for socking Khan in the face and harmlessly knocking a bunch of onlookers out if they made me sit in the corner? I grew up in NYC. I knew the "resting bitch face" before I was ten! I'd long since mastered the art of "not giving a fuck!" They were wasting everyone's time, here! I wasn't gonna feel guilty for what I did at all!

Go drill your deserts!

Go dig your graves!

Then fill your mouth with all the money you will save!

Sinking in, getting smaller again!

I'm done, it has begun!

I'm not the only one!

"And the rain will kill us all," I sang aloud to myself, struggling not to laugh at the irony of a song raging against capitalism and corporatism while I was being an Anarcho-Syndicalist arrested by the powers that be, "Throw ourselves against the wall! But no one else can see! The preservation of the martyr in me!"

Psychosocial!

Psychosocial!

Psychosocial!

Psyc--

The door opened up, and I sighed as I stopped the music. "And so the iron fist of authority attempts to crush the freedom of a spiritied youth yet again," I drawled, determined to be as fucking annoying as possible while not actually giving away anything incriminating.

"Shut up, kid," lawyer-bot, who's name I refused to memorize on principle at this point, spat out as he walked in. "Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in?"

"Seven counts of assault and one count of battery?" I shot back.

"You think this is funny?!?"

"No, but your reactions are!" I said with a shit-eating grin.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Another voice called out, and I looked to see another guy behind lawyer raising his hands in a placating gesture. "We can all be friends here."

I looked from one of them, meeting neon green optics, and then over to the other, meeting the white glare of the legal dumbass. "Are we really going to do a good-cop, bad-cop, routine?"

The would-be good-cop slumped. "Come on, kid! You gotta give us something!"

"I do not," I remarked, "In fact, I could just say nothing, which I'm sure the legal eagle over there," I said, gesturing towards the lawyer-bot, "would just love if I exercised my right to remain silent more."

"You are in some deep shit , right now, kid--" I cut the asshole off.

"Tell me something I don't know!" I crossed my legs and rolled my optics. "Look, if you want me to regret what I did, that ain't happening. Khan publicly humiliated one of my friends, his own fucking kid , and it's not the first time he's done that shit either. He's lucky I only punched him in the face yesterday."

The door to the room creaked open again, and another worker drone walked in. She was wearing a white, fur lined-jacket that reached to her knees, forest green optics taking in the room, above which was a short, brown wig of hair that stopped at her shoulders, with a gray hardhat with a stripe down the middle that matched said optics atop her head. "Taylor?" the wannabe good-cop said, naming her.

"David," Taylor replied, naming him back. "Is this Joseph?"

" Buongiorno! " I said with a wave, ignoring the would-be bad-cop and thereby ticking him off more.

"Yeah, that's definitely him," the woman whispered to himself.

"My reputation precedes me?" I asked, eye-mote raised.

"You're exactly like Trevor told me," she said.

"Ooooooooh!" I said, realization hitting me. "You're his mom! You did a great job raising him, by the way!"

She rolled her optics. "Thanks," she said, before turning to address the lawyer-bot. "I pulled a copy of the security footage from yesterday. Six of the counts of assault you're trying to slap him with are only viable by the legal definition of it. I don't know how he did it, but he knocked out our coworkers while doing literally no harm to them in the process. And besides a single punch he shouldn't have thrown, he didn't actually harm anyone, and that punch can easily be rationalized as an orphaned kid being really upset at someone's parent humiliating their friend in a truly horrific manner. And honestly, after that interview, I can't find it in myself to blame the kid. Khan stepped way out of line with that, and we should all be ashamed that a kid was the one to call us out on it." She leveled a deadpan at the lawyer. "You're just pissed that the same kid also showed you all up and did so effortlessly."

" Grazie !" I said, sitting back and throwing my arms wide, totally playing up being the aggravated kid who overreacted that they thought I was.

"What about the shovel he threatened to attack Khan with?" the lawyer asked.

"That is an entrenching tool !" I corrected, "and I have not threatened to hurt anyone with it. I merely stated that I would dig a trench through Khan's knees if he finished a sentence I cut off."

"That is… blatantly a threat," David argued.

"Aren't you supposed to be the good-cop?" I asked him.

Taylor failed to suppress a snicker before she coughed and then cleared her throat (which was a pointless action for us robots, but whatever). "Well, we've confiscated it, so that's a moot point."

Damn , I thought. I'm gonna have to print another one now. That's… slightly inconvenient. Curse you , slight inconvenience! I mentally raised a fist to the heavens and shook it in petty rage.

"What about the flash thing he knocked a bunch of people out with!" the bad-cop said.

"What flash thing?" I asked, repeating the exact same posture and tone of when I was asked that question this morning. "You searched me and my house, and there wasn't any flash thing that you were talking about."

"Stop playing coy!" the lawyer spat out, "We know you hid it somewhere!"

I stared at him with a complete deadpan, activating my blink toggle to cheat, and giving him a smug grin that pissed him off even more when he blinked first. Gods, I am such an asshole, and I love it!

The door creaked open again, and we all turned to look at the newest arrival. I actually felt some surprise (mixed with annoyance) as Khan Doorman walked into the room. His visor was fixed. He took one look at the glare I leveled at him, flinched, closed his optics, took a breath, and then opened them again. "Let him go," he said in a tired voice.

"Huh?" I said, actually thrown for a loop.

"Sir?" Taylor asked.

"You can't be serious!" the asshole protested.

Khan leveled a deadpan at the dude. The head of the WDF looked fucking exhausted. "I didn't get any charge time last night from the guilt that my kid is currently rooming with a friend because I made her feel unsafe under my own roof," he said in a dull tone. "I deserved that punch. And I failed as a father. It… it shouldn't have gotten this bad , that this is what it took for me to realize that, that I don't even know if I can fix the bridges I burnt. So let the kid go, because I don't need to make Uzi more miserable than she already is."

I just stared in abject surprise, because I definitely wasn't expecting "Literally beating some sense into Khan Doorman" to be on my "What the Fuck Even is my Life?" Bingo Card. Like… I actually knocked some sense into the dude with that punch? I was honestly just venting, and had not expected that to actually work. But holy shit, man, if it did actually work, I'd take it. Dude had a long fucking way to go make up for everything if he was being genuine, but still, he had to start somewhere.

"What about the flash that he used to knock people out!" the lawyer-bot protested.

Khan looked at him. "Did you find it?"

"No," David answered before the other guy could.

Khan looked at me. "Do you have it?"

"I do not have a device capable of instantaneously knocking drones out," on me remained unsaid.

Khan narrowed his gaze slightly. "If you hypothetically did, would you use it on other drones?"

"On Worker Drones?" I answered. "If I hypothetically had such a device, I would only use it in self-defence or on someone stopping me from yelling at a terrible parent." Khan winced, but gave a nod.

"Drop it," he told the lawyer bot, who made some kind of wheeze of protest, but kept his mouth shut and glared at me, before his optics widened, and he grinned.

"But what about his truancy, or his lack of parental controls?" he replied, smug.

"Technically," I said, "That's down to the folks in medical not turning it back on when they put my noggin back together, and I've already done enough research on coding to disable it again if you do turn them back on, so fuck you for being that petty," I paused, and fed upon the rage the legal asshole was directing toward me. "And as for the truancy, I already made up the work I missed yesterday, and the truancy today is your fault , so don't even try that angle, and on top of that , I emailed my teacher about the imminent absence before you arrested me, and made up the work he sent me while you had me here, so you can take that accusation and vaffanculo! "

Khan sighed. "While I wouldn't put it that way, he's technically right, so just let the damn kid go."

The lawyer-bot could only cope and seethe while David awkwardly patted his shoulder as I walked out of the room with Khan and Taylor a minute later. We walked until Door 3 was almost out of sight, and then Khan stopped. He took a moment to collect himself. "I… I know it isn't worth anything… but tell Uzi I'm sorry, please ."

I gave him a look , and made a show of thinking about it (I made my mind up after the first second thanks to overclocking), and then said. "I'll pass it on to her, but only because you didn't have to let me go. Thanks, for that, I guess."

Khan gave a tired nod, and shuffled off without another word. And so I was left with Taylor.

"Trevor was the one who asked me to try and bail you out of this mess by the way," she said.

"I will make sure to get him the best damn birthday present I can think of," I replied, without missing a beat.

She rolled her optics. "He says good things about you, and he's been more happy since he's become friends with your group. Keep doing good by him," she said, the veil of a threat sitting beneath her friendly tone.

I gave her a salute, "Will do maam!"

She shook her head. "Get going then, and please try not to attack any more of my coworkers or superiors."

"I will make no promises," I told her, shooting a grin that rewarded me with a deadpan as I strolled off, a free man. Fuck you authority! This revolutionary cannot be contained! Not even Tanya will stop me now!

__________

You can bet your asses I fabricated a new entrenching tool the second I got to the matter printers in Vault 1 that night, and had the new one proudly on my hip as I walked into school the next day. I decided to be overly dramatic and make my entrance literally seconds before the bell rang that morning. I saw a bunch of familiar faces perk up at my entrance (the urge to play Back in Black as I walked in had been so hard to resist), but I ignored them for a moment as I fished out a thumb drive, double checked it was the right one, and then tossed it to Lizzy's dad. "The work and homework I needed to make up, sir."

He looked at me, actually impressed, and gave me a nod. "Have a seat, Joseph." I complied, shit-eating grin on my face as I walked over and sat my shiny metal ass down at my desk, and then opened up the group chat.

Isekai_Protagonist: Trevor, you are the fucking GOAT, my man! Your mom came in clutch!

Horror_Movie_Survivor: GOAT?

Darkxwolf16: Greatest Of All Time. Another early 2000s slang thing that Joe likes to use.

Darkxwolf16: Still, glad you're okay. Thanks for looking out for me.

Horror_Movie_Survivor: Oh! Thanks, dude!

Кукла: Are you okay Joe?

Babeatron-Queenthousand: You like, literally got arrested!

Isekai_Protagonist: One, they didn't even have handcuffs. Two, they didn't have a jail either, they literally made me sit in the corner in an office. I'm more annoyed by the mess they left when they searched my house and that they confiscated my entrenching tool than anything else.

DarrenToDream: Bruh, they actually made you sit in the corner?

TotesBestGirl: LMAO!

Isekai_Protagonist: Yeah yeah, laugh it up. You're just jealous I punched Khan in the face and got away with it.

Thad_the_Chad: That was dumb.

Thad_the_Chad: But I legit can't get mad at you for that one.

TheLastCrusade: Did you ACTUALLY crack his visor?

Isekai_Protagonist: Oh, I TOTALLY did. He got it fixed by the next day, but absolutely cracked it.

Isekai_Protagonist: BTW, Kelsey, thanks for getting Liz to pass on the stuff we missed.

KayKay: No problem!

Кукла: How did you get your entrenching tool back by the way?

Outwardly, I smiled that Doll finally got it right.

Isekai_Protagonist: Oh no, they still have it. I got a new one.

Babeatron-Queenthousand: What?

Кукла: From where?

TotesBestGirl: Overnight?

DarrenToDream: Awesome!

Thad_the_Chad: Dude what the hell?

Darkxwolf16: How?!?

Isekai_Protagonist: I made it.

KayKay: You MADE it?

Darkxwolf16: HOW?!?

Isekai_Protagonist: Using SCIENCE! And ENGINEERING!

Darkxwolf16: WHAT SCIENCE?!?

Isekai_Protagonist: The COOL kind of science!

Darkxwolf16: I swear to robo-god Joe!

Alrighty, enough teasing Uzi with Isekai hints (betting pool on her finding out before or after her 9th birthday was open, my 4th wall audience), time to change the subject.

Isekai_Protagonist: BTW, Uzi. I know it ain't worth jack shit.

Isekai_Protagonist: But your dad did basically pardon me yesterday, and he said he's sorry, so I'm passing that on.

In the real world, Uzi snapped her gaze onto me so fast I was slightly worried she strained a neck servo.

Darkxwolf16: I'm sorry, WHAT?!?

Babeatron-Queenthousand: Are you fucking serious?

Кукла: You're kidding me!

TotesBestGirl: Oh he does NOT get to just say sorry and think it's okay!

TheLastCrusade: He does NOT get to absolve himself of his sins that easily!

Isekai_Protagonist: I am aware that his apology is worth less than shit, but he still gave it, and admitted to being a failure of a father. For all intents and purposes, he did pardon me, and so I felt obligated to pass that message on. Having done so, my obligation is fulfilled. Please do not shoot the messenger, ie, me, for delivering a message you did not like.

Uzi just stared at me blankly, abject disbelief apparent on her optics.

Darkxwolf16: He said he's sorry.

There was no question mark. She'd made a statement, as if trying to assert that what she'd messaged was, in fact, reality. And then her blank stare sharpened into a glare.

Darkxwolf16: HE SAID HE'S FUCKING SORRY?!?

Darkxwolf16: NOW IS WHEN HE GETS A FUCKING CLUE?!?

Darkxwolf16: HE DOESN'T GET TO SAY SORRY AND PRETEND THAT MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER!!! NOT AFTER WHAT HE DID!!!

Isekai_Protagonist: I will reiterate: I am just the messenger.

Uzi's glare softened a bit, and then tears started brimming on her optics. I overclocked, concerned, just in time to catch Uzi overclocking, her visor flickering, the message [Edge Levels Critically Low] visible for 6 whole frames as the percentage beneath them shot up so fast it was a blur even to me, before they flickered to [Edge Levels Restored] for another 8 frames. Thank the gods that I was already overclocked, because otherwise I would not have been able to hide my laughter at that throwback (or would it be throw- forwards ?) to the Pilot. She faced back forwards, still scowling, though no longer furious.

Darkxwolf16: Right. Not YOUR fault. Sorry Joe.

Isekai_Protagonist: Don't sweat it.

Thad_the_Chad: Was he… actually serious though?

Isekai_Protagonist: He LOOKED guilty as fuck.

Isekai_Protagonist: But actions speak louder than words, and he's burnt his bridges too far to fix them with the latter at this point.

Horror_Movie_Survivor: Yeah, he's gonna have to do some serious stuff to even TRY to make up for that interview.

DarrenToDream: I'll believe it when I see it, and I haven't seen jack from the dude yet.

Кукла: He has a LOT to make up for.

KayKay: Are you okay, Uzi?

The chat went quiet as all optics went to our resident anime protagonist. The moment made me glad that Kelsey had approached us all that time back. Leave it to her to focus on Uzi instead of being pissed at Khan.

KayKay: Uzi?

Darkxwolf16: No.

Darkxwolf16: I'm not okay.

Darkxwolf16: I don't think I'm gonna be okay for a while. I'm MAD, too. And I don't think that's gonna stop for a while either.

Кукла: Uzi!

Кукла: I still love you, cuz.

Babeatron-Queenthousand: We still care.

Thad_the_Chad: I got your back, Uzi.

Isekai_Protagonist: We ALL do.

TotesBestGirl: I already set up space in my hab if Lizzy's dad goes psycho and you need a place to crash!

DarrenToDream: You can totally borrow the guest room at my hab too if you need it. Becca won't mind.

TotesBestGirl: I won't!

KayKay: We're all watching out for you. We'll all help you when you need it.

Horror_Movie_Survivor: Ain't nobody gonna mess with my friends!

TheLastCrusade: I'll pray for your sake.

Uzi buried her head in her arms to hide her face, but we could still hear faint sniffles. But I was like 99.99% (quantum uncertainty accounted for the remainder) sure they were happy tears that Uzi was crying.

Darkxwolf16: Thanks guys.

Darkxwolf16: I… I REALLY appreciate that you all care so much about me.

Darkxwolf16: You all… you're all the best things that ever happened to me.

Darkxwolf16: Thank you all. So much.

Everyone offered her a round of affirmations, and the day began to continue from there. It was… really rough for Uzi right now, without a shadow of a doubt, but maybe, just maybe , I'd managed to set things on a path to improvement. Though only time would tell. Regardless, I'd made sure that not just Uzi, but Doll, Lizzy, hell, all of these kids (much as it pained me to admit it, even Thad , because he still had some of that ingrained Worker Drone incompetence in canon) had eachother as emotional anchors and supports, and that they could all be a social backbone for one another. I'd seen to it that these kids… my friends , would have bonds that would last them a lifetime. So now it was my job to make sure those lives got to last . And, well, I was already planning to kill a god to make it happen, so I was really about as dedicated to that goal as I could be. I sat back and smiled to myself. Maybe it was just my own stupidity, maybe it was lingering catharsis, maybe it was genuine, but for the first time in a long time I felt confident that I could actually pull everything off and get that happy ending for everyone that I so desperately wanted.

___________

Alright folks on the other side of the 4th wall, it's been a couple months since the last major events that would have made it into a chapter or episode or whatever, so it's time to update everyone on the side plot of my lair construction and war crimes production! I've started construction of an automatic drone maintenance station, which was basically a metal framework designed to hold a drone in place while a bunch of mechanical arms that had various tools attached to them could affect repairs on a drone, or replace parts entirely. Because there would be a lot of upgrades I was planning for myself when I got that teenage frame that I wouldn't be able to self-administer. Granted, the station I'd actually use for said upgrades would probably be built in Vault 2 when I was done, for the extra security if nothing else, but having an additional one on hand for either other drones or for emergencies was a good idea.

And oh boy , did I have a lot of fucking upgrades planned for future me. Literally at the top of my list was EMP hardening, to make sure that any EMPs could fuck right the hell off if someone (Serial Designation J, because I remember that shit from the Pilot and also when Alice used it in Cabin Fever later on) tried to shut me off like that. Next up would be rad-hardening, because even robots were vulnerable to radiation. After that was a polarized visor to slightly dim oncoming light so I'd have de facto immunity to sentinel flashes. Then I planned to build an external frame from CrCoNi, doing my best to make it seem outwardly similar to a standard teenage frame, so I could be built from high-entropic alloys for that increased durability. Hell, if I made it look close enough, I could just build an entirely custom body from the ground up, and use the maintenance station to transfer my hardware to it. In addition to the stronger materials, I could add better servos and motors, so that I could have vastly increased strength and speed, I could set them up so that I could overclock the hardware as well for what was essentially robo-adrenaline on demand (though overstressing things could cause actual damage, so that'd need to be used in moderation), an internal gyroscope for balance, even in zero-gravity, and a super-armored black-box to put in my torso to store all my data within instead of in my head, to make me harder to kill. Worker Drone necks were thin , and there was a fuckton of sharp things or lasers in the future that could easily decapitate me. If a biological cockroach can survive for up to a week without its head, I was gonna figure out a way to survive a possible decapitation myself , damnit! Oh! And also toggleable magnetic feet, so I could stick to metal walls and shit. Look out, Eldritch Horrors! Your no-so-friendly neighborhood Spider-Joe was coming for your asses!

On a more internal-oriented list of upgrades I had planned, I could throw in the full suite of visual options I'd already coded, the aim assist I'd been working on, combat software like the targeting reticles I had synced to my guns, an internal radar and sonar, both with passive and active variants I could swap between with a simple thought as needed, and maybe even a Halo-style motion tracker on top of that. Fuck anything that wanted to sneak up on me. I'd been doing research as well. Anyone familiar with quantum entanglement from Mass Effect, and how using it gives you a point-to-point unhackable (provided there wasn't anyone hacking either end of it), uninterruptible and unjammable comms line? Well, quantum communications were a thing in the 3000s too! I'd add a small internal quantum comms relay inside myself so that I could connect to Outpost 3 from anywhere as long as I was in range. I could build short range, small quantum comm relays to extend that range across the surface as I went. It was also the kind of thing I could use to wirelessly transfer myself in case of an emergency, too! As for how I was gonna power all that? Remember when I talked about just how big or small you could scale cold fusion reactors? I could make a super small cold fusion cell, like, slightly smaller than the thermoses I fabricated to store oil for Doll, and use that shit to power myself , for up to three centuries without a recharge needed. Wouldn't be a good idea to do it, but it'd also let me skip sleep with no short-term negatives if I needed to pull an all-nighter for whatever reason, which would be immensely useful on the surface. Still, skipping sleep as a human had some messed up psychological effects, and I didn't trust JCJ to not have programmed in similar consequences to drones if they attempted the same, so I'd try to still maintain a decent sleep schedule most of the time. I'd slap some extra heat-shielding inside myself in case the cold fusion cell had issues so that I wouldn't accidentally melt my internals, and, to top it all off, while normally, the things were designed such that a meltdown would be harmless beyond the reactor itself melting into slag (hence the heat-shielding), I'd studied them enough that my pirated knowledge of nuclear physics and engineering let me figure out a way to alter the coding on how they worked, so that with a few simple commands from my OS, I could jury-rig the cold fusion cell into a micro-scale nuclear deadman's switch on demand. If a worst case scenario happens, just set that to go off, data-transfer myself out via the quantum relay, and send whatever asshole thought they managed to kill me straight to fucking hell! Man, I was fucking petty and unhinged!

Anyways, beyond the planned personal upgrades that I was already making designs and blueprints for, I'd also been using the mining and construction equipment I'd fabricated to work on Vault 2. I've had the space I was gonna put it in drilled out for a while by now, and was in the process of lining the exterior walls, floors, and ceilings with Khan grade materials. Goddamn, matter printers were total bullshit and I loved them . I was gonna slap together another backup reactor in Vault 2 when it was fully done, and then I was gonna start decking out the secret secret lair for my Isekai inner circle. I'd also used a seismic scanner to plot out exactly where to drill a secret exit tunnel to, with my destination planned for an apartment building basement I'd found via old city plans I'd downloaded off the internet archives. Still, wasn't actually gonna drill that tunnel just yet. That could come once Vault 2 was properly protected and I had a stockpile of Khan grade stuff to make at least two airlocks for that tunnel, as well as lining its exterior with them as well. I wanted that shit to be functionally indestructible to anything short of a damn Solver host, that was for sure.

Beyond Vault 2, I'd also used the seismic scanner I'd fabricated to plan the tunnel to also plan out a space to eventually drill for Vault 3 - a secret secret secret lair for my own personal Isekai plotting. Because until I was sure I could get our resident Solver drones to be possession proof, there was Isekai stuff I wouldn't risk saying because I didn't know if the Solver could read memories while using one of my friends as a godsdamned puppet. Also, I wanted to set up an Isekai Conspiracy Board, because that's really funny. And while I'm at it for Vault 3, I may as well also set aside a space for a Vault 4 in case I need a spare secret secret secret lair. You could never have enough secret lairs, after all!

In addition to all of that, these past months had also featured time designing weapons! Over at the firing range tonight, I was running some final tests on my (hopefully) final design for a modified Desert Eagle, with the normal .50 Action Express rounds replaced with DU variants, and the gun itself modified to accomodate for the denser rounds while also increasing the velocity of the bullets. I got into my typical firing stance, set up my test recording for posterity to view, lined up the barrel and my targeting reticle on my HUD (gods, I literally turned using guns IRL into a fucking videogame and it was fucking hilarious ) on my target drone dummy, and started firing. The kick was way more managable than the shotguns, but still present, and while not as spectacularly violent as the shotguns, those rounds penetrated and did great fucking damage all the same. Empty the magazine, reload, swap to another target farther out, and repeat. Inspecting the weapon afterwards, everything was in order, and I grinned to myself. I could start mass-production of these Deagles for sure.

Moving on from more conventional firearms, I was also cracking away at less conventional ones. First on the itinerary were my initial plans for the creation of an actual railgun to use as an anti-everything rifle. Basically, for non-weapons nerds, a railgun used two magnetic rails to accelerate a piece of metal at really fast speeds. So a regular gun, but using magnetic rails in the barrel instead of chemical propulsion on the bullets, and shooting metal darts or rods instead of bullets. But my current plans had the bits of metal I was accelerating going hypersonic. Hence it being anti-everything, because I was accelerating whatever I was shooting to the speed of "Mach-Fuck-You." Great as a sniper rifle, but also great at point blank range because of how ridiculously fast I planned to have its projectiles go. Just need to figure out the best metal to use for shooting. Maybe osmium?

Next to the railgun ideas, was something I'd been eager to try and build IRL for a while now. And now that the Deagle testing was done, I held it in my hands. My first, fully functional, prototype of a replica of a genuine Warhammer 40k bolt pistol. Oh fuck yes, I thought. If I still had a penis, I'd absolutely have a literal murder boner right now! So it's probably for the best that I don't. Moving on from my increasingly violent fantasies, the bolt pistol looked like one of those blocky bastards straight outta 40k, and just like canon 40k, it fired prototype .75 caliber mass reactive micro rockets. For how it worked ? I shamelessly ripped off the wiki: bolt rounds are self-propelled; each one having its own integrated solid fuel propellant that made the things the micro-rockets they were (in)famous for being. Normally, this propellant would warp the barrel of a bolter due to gas pressure, but Games Workshop actually had a conventional science method to work around that. Bolt rounds, when fired, would first use a conventional charge, getting the round to leave the barrel at a respectable velocity already , but it was also enough to ignite the rocket propellant, which was itself fused in such a manner that it would ignite right as the bolt leaves the barrel, bypassing the pressure issue, and speeding up the round not just more than it was already going, but also under its own power.

The most annoying part of the rounds was actually designing the mass reactive fuses for them. Bitch and a half, let me tell you, because they weren't actually mass reactive, they were just delayed by less than a second, such that a round would strike, set the fuse off, and the fuse would last just long enough for the round itself to penetrate. It took a lot of tweaking and testing on some really durable targets to get the timing down for that. Too soon, and the rounds were essentially just explosive. Which while not bad , per se, had a result where they weren't bolt rounds , which defeated the whole purpose of using them. Too late, and the rounds would over penetrate, and then I was effectively wasting all the extra explosive stuff in them. I spent many a night working away at the timings on the fuse, but I did get what I was looking for in the end. As for the tips of the bolt rounds, to allow for that penetration? I didn't have diamantine in this universe, sadly. But right before I'd resigned myself to settling for DU tips, I remembered I had the next best thing to diamantine -- the same shit I lined the exterior of my lair with. The same shit that kept the Murder Drones out. Much as I hated the dude right now, Khan Doorman knew his way around some strong fucking alloys. Khan-grade tips on the bolt rounds would penetrate just about anything.

And so, with blatant glee that I did not bother repressing at all , I set up the next test, put up new drone target dummies, these made out of some of the most heavy-duty steel in existence, and set up the recording. I lined the bolt pistol up, having to overclock not just to capture this shit in slow motion, but also because that was the only way I could stop myself from bouncing in place like a fucking schoolkid. I set the aim on the target's head. I pulled the trigger.

The bolt pistol nearly flew out of my hands from the recoil, and I had to jerk myself to the side awkwardly to avoid striking my own face with the gun from the sheer kickback. Definitely gonna have to adjust for way more recoil than even the math I'd done suggested. And work on toning that down on subsequent prototypes in general. But before I'd had to move, I saw the round fly forwards, strike the target's head, penetrate into the visor, and then explode a second later in a manner I could only describe as rapturous . The head detonated in a burst of fire, metal, and oil, nothing above the shoulders left at all. I stood stock still for a moment, and then slowly glanced over to the bolt pistol prototype. I cut the recording. I began to giggle. I laughed harder. The laugh became manic. But it wasn't an evil laugh. This was the laugh of a science fiction nerd who just got to blow shit up with a science fiction weapon that he fucking designed and built himself. Oh, sweet mother of [NULL], I was gonna fuck something up with these, and it was going to be so fucking awesome I legit could not come up with an analogy for how fucking awesome it was gonna be!

I was legitimately sad when I put the bolt pistol down because I'd need to go back to the drawing board to reduce recoil, because as it was, even with a fully decked out teenage frame, the kickback on each trigger pull would be ridiculous , nevermind if I tried to make a normal, full-auto bolter later. My next project wasn't nearly as fucking amazing as a genuine bolt pistol, but still, pretty damned neat. That being, I'd finally designed and fabricated a hidden blade straight outta Assassin's Creed. Perfectly invisible within the sleeve of my coat, but synced to my systems such that with just a thought, the Carbon-Nanotube-Reinforced CrCoNi blade attached to the mechanisms wrapped about my forearm would shoot out and be ready to stab or slash at things. Wasn't gonna wear it around the Bunker for now, but I definitely wouldn't set foot outside without it.

The next project, because I still had more shit I'd built recently, was that UV light I'd thought of forever ago. Nothing special about it, because I'd just ripped the idea from Dying Light, but I had a stick with a super high luminosity UV light bulb on one side of it, for maximum UV blasting on whatever poor Solver-infected individual was in front of me. I'd already made about a hundred of the things, and kept one on me at all times as a final emergency defense in case Doll or Uzi ever lost their shit and I had no other means to save myself from a feral Solver rampage. But I now had myself my Holy Talismans to ward off the Sky Demons! Servants of Robot Cthulhu Satan beware, there was an Anarcho-Syndicalist Exorcist in your midst!

And lastly, but not least, the good old-fashioned grappling hook. Not the kind you throw, mind you, but the kind you could shoot from a gun to latch onto things and either pull yourself towards them, or pull them to you . Because what kinda completely unhinged Anarcho-Syndicalist Robot Batman would I be without a proper grappling hook I could shoot at stuff to zip all over the place?

Joseph was cooking, ladies and gentlemen, and my secret lair that I'd yet to come up with a proper name for was my godsdamned kitchen!

_____________

(?)

Bladed wings propelled me through the night skies of Copper 9. I was on patrol for stray Worker Drones on the surface of this desolate city like I always was. The boss had long since given up on beating out the numbers that the JNV trio the next sector over consistently managed to put out, despite apparently having an entire city of those toasters literally barricaded beneath them, but he still wanted us to keep hitting quota. Had to prove we were strong enough to keep up with standards, apparently. Not that I cared beyond making sure I didn't overheat and die. My ever-so-slightly fluffy shoulder-length mop of white hair was pressed down on by the air resistance of my flight, sensor suite scanning the ground below me for prey. The wind rippled against my black long-coat, with its brown fur-lined collar, and made me glad that I had it in addition to the black t-shirt I wore beneath it and the office slacks that covered my legs. I was never a fan of cold weather despite my body's overheating issues, and even if I could wear shorter clothes and it was warmer on this frozen hellhole, I still never really felt comfortable exposing my chassis. Not that either of my squadmates cared about my personal preferences. They didn't belittle them either, it's just that they literally didn't care either way.

A flash of movement below, and I sighted in on it. Six workers. From their dress, five males and a female, one of the males still in a child frame. I sighed. Leaving the kids alive with the corpses of the parents didn't sit right with me, but the boss was clear. There wasn't any sport in killing the kids, because they couldn't fight back. Not that they would fight back later. Most workers tended to fall back on the faulty programming the humans had left them with and begged and pleaded rather than actually fought back in the face of their demise. Regardless, the job was the job, and I didn't want to die.

I tucked my wings in, hunter's cross flashing to life on my facial optics, and dove down towards the group. One of them noticed a shadow on the moonlight at the last second, just starting to turn around, so I landed on them first. And I meant that literally, the impact of my boot caved their head in, killing him instantly. My hands retracted into the nano-fabricators in my arms, blades coming out of them a moment later, and with two flashes, there were two more decapitated workers. I flicked my tail at the bodies, precisely aimed droplets of nanite acid landing on the neck stumps and melting them shut to keep more oil from spilling. The last three were just starting to scream when I lunged forwards and impaled the last adult male with my right blade, retracting the left as I lifted them up, ripping the blade out and watching as their optics blinked out to be replaced by a red [FATAL ERROR]. I drank deeply from the spilling oil to slake my own thirst and keep the ever-burning furnace within me at bay. I dropped them after I had my fill, and turned to glance at the last two, the terrified female hugging the child to them.

I took a moment to wonder what to do. Boss didn't want me killing the kid, but I didn't think the kid would last long out here all on their lonesome. I let my fanged, oil-stained grin widen, dispassionately watching their optics hollow further at the sight. The female had a nice shirt and skirt, the former a nice beige shade and the latter a deep aquamarine. They went well with her dark blue optics. My gaze narrowed, though there was no outward change on my hunter's cross, the X that struck terror into their barely sapient processors still boring down on them. They were nice clothes. I'd hate to get oil on them. And… letting the mother live to care for the child would mean that the child had a better chance to survive and give the boss some kind of sport or whatever he wanted later. Plus, if they had one child, they could have more, who could also grow up and potentially give the boss some kind of fight. Yeah, I could rationalize it that way. He'd buy it. And our third couldn't care less.

My facial optics flickered, hunter's cross replaced by three letters in a shade of yellow that they'd all come to fear. [RUN]. The woman screamed, and finally found control of her legs, grabbing the child in her arms and fleeing at the fastest speed she could manage. I didn't pursue them. We'd met quota for this month, and the corpses I'd already made and the oil within them wasn't going to move themselves to our corpse spire. Still wondered sometimes who the hell in corporate thought building a giant tower of the bodies of our victims was a good idea. I get putting them all in one place for collection later. And I suppose that a giant spire of their slain kin would demoralize the local populations. But it still seemed weird .

Ah well, nothing to it.

____________

I dropped the last corpse in the pile at the bottom of the spire for "bodies that still had oil that we'd drain and put on the spire later." Annoying to have to take a second trip for the last two bodies, but whatever. I glanced at the pile, noticing three workers that I hadn't put there, and glanced to the right to find our squad's other member, huddled in on himself in a corner of the spire, sipping some oil from a can he must have filled with one of his kills earlier. "Three kills tonight, P?" I decided to try and start a conversation.

Serial Designation P snapped his optics over to me in an instant, his facial eyes hollowing. He wore a corporate standard undershirt and the same style of slacks I did, but instead of a company standard coat, he wore an oil-stained hoodie he'd looted from a kill years back, because he just loved to hide himself inside the thing, where the smattering of short hair atop his head could disappear along with the majority of the rest of his head. Which made sense, since the guy was a nervous wreck as long as I'd known him, and our sensor headbands were strong enough to not be blinded by a mere hoodie. He was also terrified of black holes for some reason, that not even he knew why, and could barely have a conversation with either me or the boss without stuttering and/or shivering in fear. Which made the juxtaposition of how violent he was when he hunted workers that much more weird, though I supposed he was a literal killing machine like the rest of us, and had to take out all that fear on something . And if the workers didn't fight back, they were the best targets on hand.

"Y-y-yeah! Th-t-t-Three kills tonight," he stuttered his way through.

"Anything interesting happen?" I asked, desperate to start a conversation to distract myself from my thoughts and boredom.

"N-n-nnnnnope!" he said. "Just t-the normal stuff!"

I sighed, not knowing why I expected anything different. And then my thoughts were interrupted by the sound of EM propulsion from bladed wings carrying in the boss, the last member of our squad.

Serial Designation R was a male Disassembly Drone that was slightly taller than average, with a mass of spiky hair fanning out to the sides of his head and some haphazardly strewn bangs in front of his face. He was clad in a corporate standard suit and pants, minus the tie, and with the collar unbuttoned, black with yellow accents proudly displayed in a manner that was simultaneously professional yet uncaring of propriety. The guy was obsessed with strength and worthy foes, needing to prove to himself that he and his squad were strong enough to look after themselves, though I'd never figured out why he was like that. He was currently carrying four worker corpses all by himself, and he came to a thud of a landing that kicked up asbestos snow and he deposited the bodies and took a look around.

"One more kill than me tonight, S?" he asked, facial eye-mote raised. "Not bad!" He glance over to our third. "Keep up, P! Ain't gonna let you be weak !"

"Ssss-s-s-sure boss!" P squeaked out, shrinking into his hood more.

R rolled his optics, and I decided to cut in because I didn't want to deal with P being more of a mess than he usually was. "Would have been six, R, but the last one had a kid and I know your policy on that. Decided that letting them live would give the kid better odds of growing up, and she could always pop out more if she did it before."

R squinted at me, gaze narrowed, looking at me as if trying to inspect for lies. He found none, because technically, everything I said was the truth. "Nah, I can respect that. We're already over quota for the quarter anyways, an extra worker doesn't matter. Good call."

"Right," I said, sighing. "You gonna help me drain these, then?" I asked, motioning to the bodies we had next to us

"Yeah, yeah, let me submit the numbers to corporate real quick, and then I'll get to it."

He strolled off to our pod at the center of our corpse spire, and I got to work on grabbing a barrel to put the oil we were going to siphon into. Man, this job sucked.