There was nothing.
No pain. No warmth. No breath in my lungs. No body beneath my awareness. Just absence.
I don't know how long I drifted in that void. Minutes? Hours? Years? Time didn't pass here. It didn't move or stretch or pull. It simply wasn't. I had no heartbeat, no breathing rhythm, no limbs to twitch or tension to hold. Just thought.
And even that started to blur after a while.
At first, I tried to remember where I was. I tried to anchor myself to something familiar. The last thing I could recall was light. Not just any light, but a kind of brilliance that pierced the world apart. Cold. Blue. Unnatural. Then there was Chris. I remember shouting for him. Pushing him through the door. Throwing my phone to the seal.
I remember the locket in my hand. The sudden silence.
And then... this.
I tried to clutch my hand on the locket I died with, only to notice its absence. With nothing else to hold onto, my mind circled back to the only thing it could still feel. Regret.
It came slowly at first. A nudge. Then a steady weight. And then it consumed everything.
I kept thinking about my life. Going over every single moment that brought me here. Not the science, not the reactor, not the tests or equations. No, I kept reliving everything I didn't do. Everything I traded for "later." All the little pieces of myself I chipped away for something bigger. Something I told myself was more important. I emptied my own desires and interests to work towards bettering the world. Helping everyone else. If I ever stopped moving forward in my career, I might have noticed the crushing loneliness, and the systematic stripping of everything that made me, me.
Back in college, I had hobbies. I used to spend nights marathoning anime, grinding through RPGs, reading fanfiction until sunrise because I couldn't sleep. I remember sitting in the dorm common room, laughing with friends and acquaintances over the dumbest things. Back when I still had people I could call friends. People I actually talked to.
But as I moved up, those things faded. One by one, they slipped through my fingers. I never noticed because I never looked down at my hands. I never recognized just what I was holding onto.
My final year at MIT, I started cutting sleep to chase publishing deadlines. I stopped gaming and other hobbies altogether. I told myself I'd earned a little fun once the research was done. Once the models were perfect. Once the simulation framework was stable. Once I graduated.
Then I graduated. And there was no break.
When I got the offer to work at Commonwealth Fusion Systems in Virginia, I took it without thinking twice. It was the opportunity of a lifetime. Director track. Advanced reactor access. Lead on the most promising clean energy project on the planet with more government funding than any other project in history.
So I packed my things, left Boston behind, and moved into a condo with no one waiting for me. I thought I would miss the noise. Wouldn't miss the snores of a roommate that annoyed me regularly. And I didn't. Not at first.
But it was only a matter of time before the silence caught up.
I met Chris six months into the project. He was one of the few people who didn't treat me like a walking calculator. We ate lunch together in the breakroom. He kept trying to drag me out to bars. Sometimes I said yes. Usually I said no. I wasn't good at small talk, but he didn't seem to care. That was rare. Maybe that's why I liked having him around.
Then there was Monica. We talked in group settings. I didn't flirt. I wasn't sure I even remembered how. But sometimes I caught her looking at me when she thought I wasn't paying attention. I always told myself I'd say something eventually. Some day when I had time. After the next test. After the patent finalized. After…
My mom would've told me to stop waiting.
She was always better at living than I was. She knew how to appreciate the present, live in the moment. She often tried to drag me into it, but I always resisted. My brain could never shut off. My incessant need to solve things and learn more, was a burden. And I realized that this burden cost me my life.
Mom didn't even care about degrees or patents. She just wanted me to be happy. She called every Sunday. Always asked if I was eating enough. If I was sleeping. If I'd met anyone. I used to lie and say everything was fine, even when it wasn't. I couldn't ever find the heart to tell her how empty I felt. Sometimes I denied it even to myself.
When the diagnosis came, I told myself I'd visit as soon as the prototype was stable. That I just needed one more week. One more test.
I was still working when the hospital called.
By the time I landed, she was already gone. Terminal stage brain cancer. If I had been there, I would have noticed the signs. It wouldn't have gotten to that point.
I didn't even make the funeral. A storm grounded my connecting flight. Just my luck. Another excuse. Another failure disguised as inevitability.
The doctors said she went peacefully. I hope they weren't lying.
Everyone told me she would've been proud. I wonder if that matters. I wonder if she would've forgiven me for not being there. I wonder if I could ever forgive myself. Did she even blame me? I don't think she would've, and that makes it so much worse somehow.
I should've done things differently.
I should've said yes to dinner. I should've told Monica I liked her laugh. I should've called my mom more. I should've skipped one damn briefing and just gone home. I should have taken more moments to myself. I should have been more selfish. I should have lived.
Instead, I died in a blast room with no one around to say goodbye. After saving the world from the energy crisis, they'll probably build me a statue and forget what my voice sounded like. I know that the blown reactor was a setback, but that only required one component switch, and with my patented design, my star would have soared. I'll never get to see it. And I don't think I care.
I gave everything I had to something bigger, for the betterment of humanity.
And somehow, I still feel like I left everything behind.
I don't know how long I sat in that empty dark, repeating these thoughts like some sort of punishment. Maybe this was hell. Maybe this was just what I deserved, wallowing in the depths of regret.
But then... something changed.
I noticed the darkness wasn't complete anymore. The black started to soften at the edges, replaced by faint silver light. Shapes emerged. Gentle, transparent clouds, drifting like mist on an unseen breeze. I could feel something beneath me, not solid, but not falling either.
When I looked down, I stopped breathing. Well, I would have if I wasn't a floating cosmic entity without lungs.
There was a nebula.
No, something more than a nebula. It stretched forever in every direction, a swirling tapestry of violet, crimson, and flickering sapphire. It pulsed with motion and color, a living storm of stars and light suspended below the cloud layer I stood on. I never remembered ever seeing something so beautiful.
The clouds themselves were glassy, ethereal. I could see straight through them into the cosmic chasm below. But I didn't feel fear. Only awe.
I wasn't falling. I wasn't floating. I was just... here.
Somewhere between the stars and the silence.
And for the first time since I could remember, I felt like I was finally just living in the moment. No thoughts. Only appreciating what was in front of me. I could imagine the expression I would have had would be absolute awe, mouth agape. I don't know how long I looked below me to admire the beauty before me.
I was quickly brought out of my reverie by a sudden, feminine voice.
"Hello Scotty."
I turned toward the voice, unsure what to expect.
What I saw nearly knocked the breath I didn't have straight out of me (I'm starting to think I'm channeling Brook or something. Just need a good 'Yohohoho!') I quickly focused back on the present.
She stood a few paces away, though "stood" was a loose term here. Her feet didn't quite touch the clouds, and her long, flowing gown shifted more like it was made of nebula gas than fabric. Every strand of her hair shimmered with starlight, and her figure… well, let's just say if the afterlife was trying to distract me, it was doing a damn good job.
She was curvy in all the right ways, and her presence radiated something far beyond human. Not just beauty. Ethereal beauty. The kind that made you feel seen and unworthy at the same time.
Her eyes met mine, vast and vibrant, swirling with the same colors as the nebula beneath us. I couldn't tell if they were made of stars or just reflected them.
"I see you're appreciating the view," she said with a soft, amused lilt. A giggle followed. It wasn't mocking, just lighthearted. Like she'd seen this reaction a thousand times before and still found it entertaining. I honestly couldn't tell if she was talking about the nebula below us or herself. But I was certainly appreciating both.
"Yeah," I managed, rubbing the back of my head. "The afterlife is a little different from what I was expecting."
She smiled, warm, and knowing. "You've been here a while, longer than most."
I didn't respond. What was I supposed to say? Sorry for brooding in the void?
"I've been watching," she continued, floating closer to just a few feet away, the glow of her form bending the air. "You clung to every mistake like a chain. You punished yourself far more than I would have, if you even deserved it. That kind of regret… it leaves a mark, an impression. But it also reveals something."
I narrowed my eyes slightly. "What's that?"
She looked at me, those nebula eyes narrowing with something close to tenderness. "You want to live again. Not just exist. Not just succeed. You want to live. You don't want to live only for the sake of humanity, but for yourself. Something you rarely did."
I swallowed. Or imagined I did. I looked back down at the nebula. My fists would be clutched in fists if I had any.
"You're being offered a second chance."
My head snapped back up to her. That caught me off guard. "Like... reincarnation?"
"Reincarnation," she nodded. "Or transmigration. It's your choice. You can return to the Earth you knew, begin anew, perhaps with better judgment. Or... you can go somewhere else. A fictional multiverse. One drawn from Earth's memories. Earth's stories."
The last words lit a spark in my chest I hadn't felt in years.
I thought of Kurama mode Naruto. Of Ichigo's true bankai. Of Luffy's smile as he shouted something ridiculous from the deck of the Going Merry. I thought of all the late nights I spent reading fanfiction, original characters interacting with these legendary figures, clicking chapter after chapter as rewritten and reimagined worlds unfolded on my screen. The excitement I used to feel. The insatiable hunger for more. Just one more chapter.
I somewhat flinched in surprise. That part of me wasn't gone.
It had just been buried under ambition and deadlines.
I grinned for the first time in a long time. A true grin that reached my eyes in joyous excitement.
"Fictional world. No question."
Her expression didn't change, but something about her shimmered brighter.
"I thought so," she said. "I will choose the universe that suits you best. It will challenge you. Tempt you. Offer you what you never gave yourself. I think you'll like it." Another giggle.
"Are you going to tell me where?" I asked.
She giggled again. "Well of course not. That would ruin the fun~."
An unfamiliar, yet nostalgic warmth bloomed in my chest. Anticipation. Like sitting at the character screen in a new game you'd waited years to play (looking at you Elder Scrolls 6).
And then, just like that, the cloudscape around us shifted.
Panels of glowing light formed in the air, rectangles, arcs, outlines. A semi-circle of visual prompts hovered around me. No sliders, no text fields. Just intuitive visual representation. Character creation.
"Your name will be set once you enter your new world," she explained. "But you may create your appearance freely."
I looked up to find my form already half-shaped, a projected image standing in front of me. It was me… but not quite. It was like a half finished mould of what I used to look like. I looked for those characteristic sliders, but found none. I though of a change, and the body changed. Imagination it is. Never been my strong suit.
Time passes as I make adjustments. A little taller. A little sharper. More defined, more confident. Like someone had taken every version of me that could have been and picked the best parts plus more.
I made the figure have somewhat short, straight black hair, with a fringe just heavy enough to shadow the top of my eyes. It looked good. Strong jawline, clear skin. My skin tone was light but even. No blemishes, no old acne scars. Just... clean.
I made the height 6'3", a little taller than my original self. My build was powerful, but not oversized. Not bodybuilder-tier, but certainly athletic. Defined shoulders, wide chest, lean waist. The kind of strength that said I train because I want to feel strong, not because I'm compensating for something. It reminded me of Toji from JJK, which, honestly, wasn't a bad baseline.
Thank god-, goddess my face wasn't going to look like Toji though. The face I crafted looked… good. Handsome, but believable. Not a supermodel, not flawless, just someone you might see in an anime and say, 'Damn. He's got that MC energy'. Surprisingly, it was only small adjustments from how I used to look. I actually felt a twinge of pride putting it together. It felt like me, the best me.
I wasn't sure if I'd end up younger, older, or just like this. The goddess wouldn't say, only that I was building what I would look like in my prime. But it didn't matter to me.
This was my starting point. Although, I wouldn't mind starting a bit younger so I can grow into it.
This time, I would live more for myself.
There wouldn't be another Monica situation. No more waiting for the right moment that never came. If I liked someone, I'd say it. If I wanted something, I'd reach for it. I wouldn't just be the guy sitting on the sideline of his own damn life anymore.
And, yeah, when it came time to design the... equipment, I may have indulged a bit. Just a little extra length. For confidence. Definitely confidence.
Hey, if I was going to be stuck in some fantasy universe with any kind of waifus, I wasn't about to not let myself be equipped to please them.
I winced at myself.
"God (or Goddess?), I'm pathetic," I muttered. And there I go again, thinking about others before myself. I sighed.
"Not at all," the goddess said with a smile I didn't quite trust. "I've seen far worse. You'd be surprised just how ridiculous some of these characters can be. I often have to, adjust, some things for realism." There was a momentary grimace on her face, but faded quickly, returning her attention back to me.
I gave my projected self one final once-over, then nodded. "Alright. I'm good."
"You did well," she said, her tone warmer now, almost proud. "Now, let's move on to your abilities."
The moment I gave the go-ahead, the goddess raised her hand.
"Now then," she said. "You will receive three abilities before your new life begins."
Three glowing digital display boxes blinked into existence in front of me, each one floating with a soft hum. They looked like they belonged in a sci-fi game menu, gently rotating, translucent, with empty panels waiting to be filled.
"One will be chosen by me," she continued, "one by you, and one shall be left to fate. Consider it… balance."
"Let me guess," I said, crossing my arms, or thought I did. It was hard to tell if any gesture I 'made' actually happened. "You're going first."
She smiled. "Of course."
Her hand moved through the air, fingertips brushing across the first box. Symbols and text rippled through the display in languages I recognized and others I didn't. After a moment, the data stabilized and the name of the ability flashed across the panel in glowing text:
[The Gamer System: Modified]
My eyebrows shot up.
She looked pleased with herself.
"The Gamer?" I asked. "Like… that Gamer?"
"In spirit," she said, voice lilting. "I've made some adjustments. You won't have access to every absurd exploit, and it won't protect you from everything. But yes, you will gain a system interface, a status screen, levels, skills, quests, and growth mechanics. It will help you visualize and enhance your progression in this new world."
I blinked. "You're kidding."
"You're familiar with the concept, yes?"
I laughed, actually laughed. "That's literally what I was going to pick."
"I know," she said with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "Which is why I picked it first."
I stared at her. "You peeked."
"I observed," she said with faux innocence. "There's a difference."
Of course there was. Also ironic considering that's one of the gamers main abilities.
I sighed and turned my attention to the second display. My turn.
This… this was difficult. Having my first obvious option taken, left me somewhat stumped on what to choose.
It was like being handed the ability to break the universe and being told, "Go ahead, but only one."
I summoned a mental list. Then another. Then a backup list to evaluate both. I eventually narrowed the powers I thought of down to a solid list.
Beelzebub, from That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime, was the first one that came to mind. Powerful. Multifaceted. The ultimate consumption-based evolution engine. But... it felt wrong. Even if I could retool it for energy absorption or transmutation, the original power was too tied to devouring enemies. That wasn't me. I didn't want to kill people to grow. Not that I was opposed to it should the need arise, but the amount I'd have to do for Beelzebub to pay off… no thanks.
Tossed.
Next was Raphael, also from Slime. An analytical super-AI that basically evolved into omniscience. The power to simulate outcomes, manage sub-skills, auto-optimize evolution paths.
I paused… and tossed it too.
It was too much like outsourcing my own intelligence. And frankly, I liked figuring things out. Solving problems, uncovering loopholes, theory-crafting systems from scratch. Raphael would make me better, sure, but it would also make me less me.
I kept going through the list.
Heavenly Restriction, like Toji Fushiguro's in Jujutsu Kaisen. No cursed energy, but a body so strong it didn't need it. So strong that is competed with the strongest, Gojo. I liked the raw physicality of it, the discipline. But I also wanted to explore the magic or energy systems of wherever I was going. Limiting myself right out of the gate didn't sit right.
Tossed.
Then there was being born a Saiyan.
Now we're talking.
Incredible growth potential. Zenkai boosts. Transformation potential. Adaptive combat. I could literally punch my way into godhood if I trained hard enough. Plus the tail was optional, right?
I flagged it.
Next: Zanpakutō. The manifestation of one's soul. Personalized abilities. Shikai, Bankai. It was power with flavor. Growth tied to introspection. The idea of learning to communicate with a part of myself... yeah. That one resonated. A lot. This is an aspect I never explored in my previous life. So focused on one's self to grow stronger… certainly a primary contender.
Flagged.
Shadow Monarch, from Solo Leveling, came next. I didn't even need to think too hard about that one. As cool as it was, I didn't want to be the king of the dead. The summons, the endless responsibilities, the dark aesthetic… too much like running a company again. I was here to live, not manage a shadow army. Not transcend beyond all of those I cared about. I didn't want to end up like Jinwoo.
Tossed.
Rinnegan, from Naruto. The potential was bonkers. Manipulate gravity, space-time, souls, chakra absorption… hell, I could technically create life. But... I didn't want my eyes to look like someone dropped a rock in a pond every time I activated them. Besides, that level of power brought way too much attention. The last thing I needed was to get mistaken for a final boss by the locals.
Tossed.
Finally, I landed on the Goro Goro no Mi. The Rumble-Rumble Fruit. Lightning. One of the most powerful logia-type Devil Fruits in One Piece. Near-invulnerability. Mobility. AoE devastation. Utility. Pure power and spectacle.
Flagged.
I stood in front of the three panels.
Saiyan. Zanpakutō. Rumble-Rumble Fruit.
All of them called to something different inside me. One was the long-haul growth route. One was introspective and expressive. One was pure, elemental dominance.
This... really isn't easy.