The first thing aspiring pop musicians do when they enter a record label is to have their heads sandwiched between two metals, where a machine shakes their heads 231.5987021 times per second. Their brains would become slushy red. Then, the company throws cockroaches into their ears.
That was the only normal explanation as to why music was so shit after 2010! My ears!! AHHHHHHH!!! I would rather have someone fuck my ears!
Copy and paste! Copy and paste! Copy your dick into this song would've made it sound better!!
"AHHHH!" I jumped up from a tap on the shoulder. He was a "he," and he was a stranger, and he was a savior. "THANK YOU!!! I was stuck in that brainwashing melody that literally was washing my brain into a blanched, gooey mess like semen!! I thought I almost couldn't appreciate colorful songs anymore…"
"...Uh..." The stranger looked up because I stood from the scare. "I was gonna ask something, but before that, how tall are you!?"
"The last time I checked, I was fourteen, and I was 181."
"Dude, I'm 181 now... I'm on the basketball team, and you're still taller than me. Wow!"
"Anyway, as a thank, you can come to my friend's house and fuk her."
"I have to refuse because I'm interested in someone else." He had a buzzcut and wore a basketball jersey in a CD store, meaning that he joined sports to lay hands on the seventeen long-haired girls cheering outside the court. "How do you know Susan!? I saw you hang out with her yesterday at PowerDragon Mall."
"Who's Susan?"
"Huh? Susan Qin."
"...Ey?"
"The girl with blue inner dye."
"Ah, Pollen!"
"Pollen?"
"Yeah! Her name's Pollen."
"Oh, wait... Why... Why does everyone call her Susan in school?" He looked down, touching his chin, pondering.
"I don't know. Maybe people in her school aren't normal? Well, Pollen's my bitch. What do you want?" I threw my coffee cup into the store's bin. It was time to ingest alcohol. "Huh? Wait, how old is Pollen? Why is she in school?"
"She's sixteen! I thought you were her friend!"
"You mean I'd been doing illegal things with a minor!? Nice~" I opened my thermos water bottle that stored warm Chinese yellow rice wine.
"Ille... Illegal?" This guy had been overreacting. He's annoying.
"Yeah? Don't feminine human children shake their booties, and masculine human children smoke ten packs of cigarettes on Tickle Tok?"
"What!? No, they don't!"
"You just haven't seen it. That platform lets those videos to pass the examination for public viewing. Once they've gained some profit, they'll take down the videos and say, 'no child porn allowed.'" I spent fifteen hours a day on social media, and I always watched those videos, so I was recommended on the main page frequently. "Pollen is almost an adult, so less fun."
"..." He stroked his chin. He was pondering. His expression was rigid. And I was sipping on my wine.
"I'll call you Dumb-Dumb."
"Huh? Dumdum?"
"Sure, Dumdum."
"Okay, but my name is…"
I grabbed an album from the alternative rock section, put on the store's public headphones, and played.
"My name...is Anders. Anyway, may I know your relation—"
"Do you know Radiohead?"
"...Uh, yes."
I raised my head from the physical album cover and squinted at him. Maybe this Dumdum wasn't dumb after all?
"Say a song that's not in Ok Computer."
"Uh, Creep."
"Go die alone in your unborn boyfriend's asshole."
"Well, I also know all the songs in The Bends, Kid A, et cetera."
"Do you like The King of Limbs?"
"Yes, actually! I know people say crap about that album, but Bloom is in my top ten favorite Radiohead songs!"
"…"
"Uh, yes?"
I hugged him and smeared my large udders on his face. I'm germophobic, so I wash myself twice a day. Thus, he shouldn't dislike my scent.
"Good boy. From now on, tell me if anyone in your school bullies you. I'll crush his or her hands with Pollen's dump truck."
"O... Okay!"
"Tell me, what more do you know about music?"
Aya Aya, we could remember musicians' names but not their music.
Girl hotties who make music look clean with huge busts and arses. A little masculinity will make the fangirls shout, "Ahhh sister I wanna be like you muah muah muah." However, their music is like their sloppy bodies that had fifty percent body fat. They only seem slender because they restrict their diets. They are only famous because the companies promote their appearances and media rather than their music.
Guy hotties who make music look clean with visible abs that were only outlined because they are thin. A little femininity will make the fangirls shout, "Ahhhh brother I wanna stick you in me muah muah muah." However, their music is like their three-inch penises. They can only sleep with many women or men because they are famous. They are only famous because the companies promote their appearances and media rather than their music.
"Ey? Why did you only say 'fangirls?'" Dumdum was so dumb. I've had enough.
"Of course, it's because fanboys are not so abnormally starstruck."
"That's quite stereoty—"
"You see, fanboys are normal. They follow their desires and barge into female celebrities' houses to rape. Or, they barge into male celebrities' houses to murder because men are competitive and full of jealousy."
Dumdum fell into ponder.
"That's normal, no? If that isn't normal, then I don't know what is."
"Uh, that…that's not true, right?" Dumdum trembled like a mouse that drank Palakala's vomit the last time he drank.
"Of course, it is, but chasing your desire is normal, no? Just don't be insincere about your desire."
"You... You're right. I can't stop chasing my dream just because of that."
"Little boy~"
"I want to be a rock star one day! But I don't want to be packaged by as company or stuff. I want to be a real musician!"
"Heh heh. Dumdum, you're kinda cute, ey?" I narrowed my large eyes with a very noticeable blush on my pale face. "Little boys who chase their desires are the cutest. Moreover, they're normal!"
"Aw, thank you."
"Dumdum, do you drink?"
"Um, I'm a minor."
"Minors can drink. The author can't post this novel on Chinese platforms anyway, and the US is lax in examining these. As long as there's no child pornography, we're good."
Pollen already drank in Chapter Three. Well, I didn't know she was underage.
"I can't say. I've never drunk alcohol, though."
"You need to. People don't believe in people with no stories nowadays."
"I'm only sixteen, though. What can I go through?"
"Nine-year-olds are smoking and fucking to compete who's more mature. You can start with that, too. Sixteen isn't late. Just keep fighting!" My words were so inspiring that moved myself
"I... I'll put that into consideration!"
"People look down on you if your mother isn't dead or your father isn't in jail. Oh, and make sure everyone knows what happened to your family. Say them out as blatant as possible, boast about it, and say shit like 'my pain is far above yours.' Make sure to discriminate those who have a happy family."
"That's...so bizarre. People competing who had worse lives."
"Mhm, and it's not just the boys who're competing for this."
Oh, and I highly recommend children read this light novel; the sooner the better. If they didn't, how could they call themselves mature?
"Now that I had the same experience, I know that it isn't as pleasing as it sounds." I finished the wine in my bottle. It was time to smoke. "As a consequence, I see the world clearly now, and it's hard to find myself being the only one who's normal."
"The same...experience?" Dumdum walked out of the shop with me.
"Mhm. When my dad was in jail, I raised my sister alone." I lit one cigarette and passed one to Dumdum.
"..." He took it but not my lighter and kept it in his fist.
"That's not normal, you see? If every kid wants to be mature, why do they wait? Why don't they kill their parents? That's more normal than smoking or strip dancing on social media, ey?"
Suddenly, I got knocked on the head.
"Don't teach people weird things, especially your crazy crap to minors." It was Palakala. He walked to Dumdum and reached out his palm, so Dumdum gave him a handshake. "I mean, give me that cigarette."
"Oh..." Dumdum's cigarette got confiscated.
"Every kid desires to grow up, Palakala. I'm just helping."
"No. At least this kid is growing just fine."
And then…
"Aw, sorry. Did my friend trouble you?"
A gentle voice came in my ear, almost making me come, too.
"Hm? It's you!"
I turned to the voice. I couldn't forget that gentle voice. And indeed, it was from the same person. I quickly threw my cigarette at Palakala and smoothened my tank top, clearing my throat with a gentle cough.
"Craycray, from the convenience store!" It was the HUNG who liked me, the guy who liked tap dancing!
My name is Craycray...
"The heck? Did Craycray just organize herself for a stranger?" Palakala side-eyed me as Dumdum waved at the hung.
...I blushed. I couldn't wait to see what would happen today.