1
"Are you making new friends, hm?"
I looked to my right where the voice came from. Sakura looked back at me, the corners of her mouth curled slightly upward in a smile.
"I think so."
I tentatively reached out my hand, but no matter how much I reached, I just couldn't touch her.
"There's still more work to be done though, can't keep your hands to yourself huh?"
She gave a small laugh, but underneath there was a hint of sadness in that laugh.
"This is just a dream, isn't it?"
I looked down, even in my head Sakura was still just out of reach.
"So what if it is? I know if you work hard, you can make it a reality."
Sakura stood up and got in front of me.
"You've done so much already, but you need to keep going a little longer."
Her tone was more and more filled with that hint of sadness. I couldn't bear to look back up at her.
"What if this all ends up being for nothing? What if nothing really changes?"
I expected her to have a quick reply, but moments passed and there was simply silence. I looked up to see tears in her eyes.
"You Silly! It's okay."
As she spoke, a teardrop slowly ran down her cheek.
"No matter what, even if things don't work out, you would have done everything you could have."
As she spoke, the world around us began to fade to black, the dream was ending. Her words became softer and quieter, and as the dream came closer to it's end, I couldn't hear her final words.
"Sakura come back!"
I cried out, but it was too late.
"Who's Sakura? Did you mean Sakuta? He's just in the bathroom."
A voice called out from in front of me. Opening my eyes, I saw Mai standing close to the bed, a look of concern on her face.
"Are you a friend of Kaede? I wasn't aware she had a guy friend staying over."
Suddenly everything clicked in my now awake mind. I reached into my bag, and pulled out the three letters from the night before. Finding the one that I had written for Mai, I handed it over to her.
"This is probably all really strange, but this letter is for you. It should hopefully clear things up."
She took the letter, skeptical about the situation. Opening it, her eyes scanned back and forth, before finally settling back on me.
"So you met us but because of the syndrome?"
I nodded.
"Well you're either a very accomplished liar, or what is in this letter is true, and you don't look like someone who's good at lying."
She held out her hand.
"The other two letters, am I correct in assuming that one of them is for Sakuta as well?"
I nodded again, holding out his letter.
"You're handling everything very well, all things considered."
She raised an eyebrow after I spoke up.
"Well if you were an intruder, most of them wouldn't go to sleep inside someone's bedroom. Besides, you had this look of sadness on your face for a while before you woke up."
A sad smile came across her face.
"I couldn't bring myself to be angry or upset after seeing that."
Folding her letter, she placed it with Sakuta's.
"Plus I don't remember when did I decide to stay overnight at Sakuta's place and sleep in the living room with him, so I believe you. I'll go bring this over to him. There's some coffee in the kitchen if you'd like some."
I thanked her, and she headed towards the bathroom. Stretching out, I cleared out the last remnants of sleep in my body.
"I should have asked if she could contact Rio."
I thought to myself, heading towards the kitchen for the promised coffee. The aroma grew stronger as I got closer, and by the time I pulled down a coffee cup from the cupboard, I was craving it. The rich flavor of the coffee was yet another reminder of the perks that Mai had.
"I'll have to ask where she got it, maybe I'll be able to get some one day."
As I savored the coffee, the sound of footsteps grew louder until Mai and Sakuta came into the kitchen.
"Well good morning, this was a bit of a shocker."
Sakuta said, holding up his letter.
"I'm guessing there's more to the story here than what was written in our letters?"
I nodded.
"The third one is for Rio-san, I was hoping you guys could contact her."
Sakuta smiled widely at that.
"Oh don't worry, she's already on the way. Wasn't too pleased but she seemed less reluctant once I told her it was helping someone else."
Recalling how Rio behaved yesterday when she contacted Sakuta for help, I gave a small laugh.
Before long, Rio had arrived. While she read over her letter, the rest of us sat at the table drinking the rest of the coffee. When Rio finally spoke, my second cup of coffee was nearly empty.
"I get the gist of it. You've probably done this a few times now, but can you give us a rundown of everything so far?"
Mentally sighing, though I knew this was coming. I'd have to start taking notes myself if this continued. I started from the beginning, as I spoke I could see the wheels in Rios mind begin turning, working on a solution.
After wrapping up with the events of the previous night, I grabbed the coffee cup and finished it, not wanting to let it get too cool and wasting what was still left.
"So what are you planning to do today?"
Sakuta spoke up. I placed the cup down on the table, and placed my hands together.
"I can't talk or meet my other self, I can't rely on my parents' help either. I thought I might try and go to the hospital before she leaves."
The memory of her running away crying came back to mind as a spoke, but I squashed it as fast as I can.
"Are you sure you can handle that? What if that just ends up leading to what you saw?"
Rio asked, looking over her glasses at me. Could I handle that? No, but it didn't matter.
"Even if it goes badly, if she ends up safe and I end up back to normal then I'd be okay with it."
Rio nodded, and looked over to Sakuta.
"Can you go with him then? If things don't change then he'll still need a place to stay for the night, and I have some things I want to look into at the lab."
Sakuta looked over to Mai, and she nodded.
"I have to go to a shoot today, besides you're better at the field work anyway."
She gave him a smile before reaching out and messing with his hair.
"Do you know what time she's supposed to leave the hospital?"
Sakuta asked me, finally getting Mai to stop messing up his bed head. I looked over to the clock on the wall, trying to recall what time she had originally told me that she was finally home.
"I think around noon, all she said in the text before was that she was just getting home, nothing about when she left the hospital though."
Beside him, Mai stood up.
"I'm sorry to leave so soon, but I have to get ready for the shoot. I'll leave you three to it."
Kissing Sakuta on the cheek, she left the kitchen. Rio stood up as well.
"I'll talk to you guys later, hopefully I'll have some good news."
"I'll give you a call at the lab with how things go, say hi to Toranosuke for me too."
Sakuta spoke up as Rio headed towards the front door. She rolled her eyes, and gave a small wave before leaving. Now just the two of us, Sakuta looked over to me.
"When you're ready to head out, just let me know. We also need to hurry up a bit since Takaoka is pretty much far from here."
I still wanted to change and get cleaned up, so I nodded and headed towards the bathroom quickly.
Would this work? I knew that there was a risk that it could go sideways, but I was determined to stick with the plan. The thought of making Sakura cry hurt, and it was something I was going to avoid as best as I could. If I could just save her, then there would be plenty of time to explain everything.
I turned on the sink, and began brushing my teeth. I tried to think of what I was going to say once I saw her, mentally crossing out ideas as I went. There was no way I could tell her the whole truth right away.
She'd probably turn around and try to check me into a room at the hospital.
As I pondered, a knock on the doorframe alerted me to see Mai standing there.
"Good luck today, I'll be rooting for you."
She smiled and walked away into the van driven by her manager, heading for her shoot.
"Sakura would really like these people."
I thought to myself, finishing up in the bathroom. In the living room, Sakuta and Kaede were watching the TV together, a nature documentary playing this time.
Looking over to me, Sakuta nodded.
"Kaede, I'll be heading out for a bit. We'll be meeting Rio later if you need to reach me."
Kaede nodded, clearly engrossed in the documentary. Standing up, Sakuta grabbed his keys from the table in front of him.
"Shall we go?"
We boarded the train just in time. After reaching Takaoka, the walk to the hospital was pleasant, there weren't many people on the sidewalks so we made decent time.
Along the way, Sakuta told me all his stories of his experiences with the syndrome throughout the train journey and walk. As he finished up a story involving Mai and her sister, I could see the entrance to the hospital. Once inside, Sakuta grabbed a seat while I waited in line to get a visitor badge.
Ahead of me in line, I noticed someone that looked familiar. It wasn't until she looked around that I could see that it was Kyoko. I wasn't sure if she'd notice me, but she looked back for a moment before turning back around. She moved towards me, already an upset look was forming on her face.
"You really are determined to keep seeing her all the time, aren't you?"
Her hands on her hips, she looked at me clearly upset but trying to avoid a scene around all the strangers in line. I wasn't expecting to run into her of all people today, and already my plan was being derailed.
"I know we don't get along, but I'm just here for Sakura. I don't want to fight with you, out of respect for her."
I meant what I said, all the conversations with Sakura coming to mind whenever she'd mention wanting to see Kyoko and me get along. In front of me, Kyoko looked moments stunned before losing some of the emotions that had been building up.
She relaxed, and her arms hung freely at her side.
"I can't stop you, and I don't want to make Sakura upset. But if you hurt her at all, just know that I'll be coming for you."
She turned back around, not waiting for my response. Thanking my luck, I waited in line behind her. My only priority was to save Sakura, I couldn't afford any delays.
As we moved up the line, I could see Kyoko tapping her foot on the ground, clearly still agitated.
"Why you?"
I heard her say, softly as if she was talking to herself. She turned back around.
"Why you? She's always spending time with you, but you both say you're just people who get along well. I've had to cover for her when you two went on your little trip in Hakata, I always see you two together going out, why you?"
I opened my mouth, but she wasn't finished.
"She's been in and out of the hospital for her appendix, but you're the one that always seems to be here. I've seen the visitor sheet. She's my closest friend but I've never felt so left in the dark. So what is she to you really? What are you to her? Are you her secret lover or something? Because let me tell you that it's not so secret you know?"
As she finished, her eyes began to water. Kyoko rubbed at her eyes furiously, seemingly determined to not cry in front of me.
"I wish I could give you the answers you want. I'm sorry if I've upset you, and I know Sakura doesn't want to make you upset either."
Kyoko stopped rubbing her eyes, her hand falling back to her side.
"I know what you're feeling, but there's some promises that I made to Sakura and I can't break them. You'll have to ask her yourself, I can't betray her trust. I hope you can understand and forgive me."
I finished, and bowed my head. Even if every interaction we had ever had was never positive, Kyoko was Sakura's best friend. For her sake, I had to try and mend things.
I felt a tap on my arm, and looked up. Kyoko looked pained for a moment, then relaxed.
"Okay, I will. But I meant what I said. If you step out of line even an inch, I'll be right there."
She stuck her tongue out, before turning back around. We had finally made it up to the front. The person at the counter called out "next in line" and Kyoko headed towards the counter.
But a few steps forward, she stopped and turned around.
"If you're coming to see her, you might as well come to the counter with me. No point in wasting any time."
She held out her hand and waved me forward. I was surprised but managed to keep myself from showing it too much.
"We're here to see Sakura Yamauchi."
Kyoko told the employee sitting behind the counter. They typed in the name, but then looked back to us.
"I'm sorry, but that person has been already discharged from the hospital. If you don't have anything you need, I'll have to take the next person in line."
I was too late.
"How long ago did she check out?"
I asked, hoping to have a timetable that was still salvageable. The hospital employee looked back to the computer screen.
"Let me see, according to their record it was just under an hour ago. Anything more than that I'm afraid I can't say."
Kyoko and I walked away from the counter.
"So what are you going to do now?"
I looked over to her, surprised that she was willingly talking to me.
"Well if she's not here anymore, I guess I'll just wait for her to reach out to me. I don't want to bug her right when she's getting home from the hospital."
Kyoko gave a tight smile at that.
"At least you're considerate of her. But don't think you're still off the hook just yet though."
She pointed her index and middle fingers towards her eyes.
"I got it, I got it."
At least there was some progress, though it might not even matter if I didn't end the loop I was stuck in.
I watched Kyoko head out of the hospital, and then I headed towards Sakuta.
"Well that was fast. Mission accomplished?"
He asked, looking over as I drew closer to him. I shook my head.
"She has already checked out an hour ago. Sorry for making you wait and waste your time."
Sakuta waved his hand as he stood up.
"I knew it was a possibility that we might not get her before she checked out, at least we know the time frame for sure. So if there has to be a repeat, you can be on time."
He stretched out, and we headed towards the exit.
"So where to now?" Sakuta looked over to me as he asked.
"Right now she's probably still home, but I don't know for how much longer she'll be there. And the walk to there from here would take too long."
I had only been there once before, but I tried to plot the route in my head thinking of any shortcuts but still unable to think of any short route that could get us there on time.
"I only brought enough money to go grab some lunch, so a taxi is out of the question. Are there any stations near her that we could go to?"
I pulled up my mental map again, but that one time I had gone over we never passed by any stations.
"Sorry but I don't think so. We'd have to head to a station and check, and that might take up too much time."
Sakuta nodded.
"Our best bet is to meet up with Futaba then, according to you we don't have much time left anyways. I'm sorry."
He placed his hand on my shoulder.
"I wish we could have gotten this on the first try, for both of you."
He gripped once and then removed his hand, turning and heading towards the station. I followed behind him, hoping that there would be some good news today. Sakuta pulled out his phone, before dialing Rio's number.
"Hey Futaba, no luck here. Do you have anything?"
"..."
"Alright, you lost me already. Did you eat lunch yet?"
"..."
"Okay, we'll meet at that place next to the lab. Should be there in 4 pm, I want to check up on Kaede and make sure she hasn't glued herself to that documentary. She has to cover her shift in the restaurant today."
"..."
"Okay just save us a table then. See you in a bit."
Sakuta hung up the phone and looked to me.
"I hope you're not too hungry, it should only take a minute or two with Kaede."
I shook my head,
"No I'm okay for now. Thanks for coming with me today, even if it ended up being a bust."
We went back to Fujisawa and walked towards his apartment.
"Don't worry about it, are you sure you're okay? I was really rooting for you today."
Even now, I still found myself getting caught off guard by everyone's warmth. I had spent so long without getting close to anyone that it still surprised me how kind and accepting other people could be. Not everyone was like that, thinking back to the time Sakura had defended that old woman on the street. But the more I began to let others in, the less I wanted to go back to how things used to be.
"Yes I'm fine, a little disappointed but I knew this was a possibility. I just have to try even harder next time."
I promised myself that I wouldn't give up. I owed it to Sakura to keep trying no matter what. As we waited at a crosswalk, I realized we were close to the apartment.
"I'll wait downstairs for you"
I said to Sakuta, as we made it to the apartment building. He flashed me a thumbs up.
"This shouldn't take too long."
Before too long, I was alone. I sat on the bench that was close to the building and waited.
I watched as he leaves. The cool breeze keeping me from getting too hot as the sun blazed above. The few clouds scattered about the sky didn't seem to be heading this way, and yet I stayed on the bench.
"She did say she wanted to take a trip to the North next time, I might as well enjoy the heat while I still can."
Suddenly, I felt like someone was watching me. I looked around but no one was there. Maybe its just my mind.
Before long, I saw Sakuta step out from the elevator. Getting up from the bench, I started walking until I managed to get alongside him.
"Thanks for being patient. The place we're meeting Rio isn't too far from here, so we'll be there in a few minutes."
Sakuta paused for a moment.
"You don't have any food allergies, do you?"
I shook my head.
"I guess I might need to add that to the list of things when I repeat again",
I thought to myself. Speaking out loud this time.
"So what did you guys talk about on the phone? Did she say that she had some good news for us?"
Sakuta nodded.
"She tried to make it simple, but she was talking so fast that even simplifying it was still confusing. But knowing her, that's a good sign."
He shrugged.
"It may not make sense at first, but she's always been reliable. If it wasn't for her, I'm not sure if I could have fixed things in the past by myself."
He stopped, and I stopped beside him. Ahead of us was Rio, carrying a notebook. She was wearing a white lab coat, with the logo of the lab on the left chest pocket.
"Things at the lab took a little longer, but we'll still be able to get a table. They aren't that busy at this time, most of the people in the lab usually forget to eat anyway or bring food with them so they can keep working."
We followed her inside the restaurant, grabbing a table near the back away from most of the other customers. Scanning the menu, I ordered the daily special.
"You can never go wrong with ramen"
I thought to myself. Once the waiter was gone, Rio opened up her notebook.
"So after we spoke on the phone, I did some more thinking. It may not sound good, but I just want you to hear me out."
Rio looked nervous, as though she didn't want to say it.
"I thought it was good news?"
I spoke up after a moment. She took her glasses off and hung them on her lab coat.
"I think it is, even if it may not seem like it. Just hear me out, and then you might understand what I'm trying to say here."
My mind raced, trying to think of what could have her so nervous. She coughed, prepping herself to spill the news.
"This is just a theory, but I think you might not be able to meet her either."
2
I was glad that I wasn't holding my drink when Rio said that, otherwise I surely would have dropped it.
"What do you mean, I can't meet her? Is all of this just pointless then?"
If I couldn't meet her, how would I save her? Would that vision of her crying over my dying body really be how things has to end?
Rio lightly coughed, sensing that I was upset over her words.
"This is just a theory, and it may turn out I'm wrong. But if I'm right, that doesn't mean things are pointless. It just means it will be more work for you, but I still believe that even if I'm right, you can still save her."
I kept my hands underneath the table, so neither her nor Sakuta could see how tight my fists were clenched at that moment. I nodded for her to continue, trying not to betray the emotions bubbling up underneath my hopefully calm exterior.
"It may not always be what you want to hear, but she's always had a way of figuring things out in the past."
Beside me, Sakuta spoke up, perhaps able to sense some of my frustration. From one of the pockets on her lab coat, Rio pulled out a magnet. No, upon closer inspection, it was two magnets side by side.
"You know the basics of magnets and how they work, right? Pretend that these two magnets are you and Sakura normally. You have no problem being in contact with one another because of the magnetic attraction."
She pulled the two magnets apart before flipping one of them around.
"So what happens when you try to put the magnets together when they are oriented the opposite way?"
As she spoke, she attempted to put the two magnets back together. No matter how much she tried, the magnets would fight against her.
Slowly, I began to understand. Placing the magnets back into her pocket, Rio looked towards me.
"My theory is that because of your syndrome, you've essentially become that flipped magnet. You tried to get to her in time the first try, but were unable to save her. Today, you went to the hospital but she was already gone from there."
"So how am I supposed to save her if I can't get close to her?"
I thought this was going to be good news, but everything I had heard just made the whole situation harder than it already was. At the end of the day, I was the only one who remembered each day. How was I supposed to save her when I was constantly having to start from scratch?
Rio had opened up her notebook and was scanning through the many pages filled with her handwriting.
"Is the news good? No, it probably doesn't seem that way. But every small part of the puzzle builds together. NASA didn't send people to the moon after a day. It took a lot of people doing a lot of research, trial and error, and even then it was unsure if the mission would be a success or not."
I could tell she had more to say, but catching her glance I looked over and saw that our food was on the way to our table. Closing the notebook, Rio placed it on the open seat at the table.
"The same is true here. The more we know, and the more we can figure out regarding your syndrome, the more likely it is that we can find a solution."
I thought back to the dream I had, where Sakura was out of my reach. Maybe Rio was right about this theory. I quickly told her about the dream as we ate.
"You know why we sleep and dream right?"
She took a break from her meal, clearly thinking more of the mystery at hand than the bowl of ramen in front of her.
"Because our bodies receive so much stimulation each day, our brain needs that time while we are asleep to really process everything. Dreams, however, can involve things that had nothing to do with what you experienced that day. Sometimes, you might have dreams involving things that you fear, even if you had no stimuli that would invoke that fear."
"In your case, I believe it's due to the syndrome affecting your subconscious mind that you've had in these dreams. Seeing the different attempts to save Sakura even when you hadn't actually attempted them yet, being unable to reach out to her in your latest dream. The mind is a mystery, even after decades of research, and more so the syndrome. Most people consider it a type of folklore if you ask them about it."
"Again, it's just a theory. But based on everything I've heard so far, I think it might be true. I don't know if there would be any pushback like when you tried to speak with the other you, but I'm not sure trying to force the two magnets together would end up going well."
Rio drank the rest of her water, finally giving her vocal cords some rest.
I noticed I had merely picked at my food after she had started speaking, my mind no longer focused on the meal.
"Supposing that you are right, where does that leave me then? Everything sounds bad, but yet you seem hopeful like you may have found a solution."
I wasn't an expert at communication, my years of going solo held me back somewhat. But I could tell from how she never looked away from me, the fact she never once sounded apologetic or disappointed in her theory made me think that despite everything she had said, there was still some good to come out of it.
"One idea is to have one of us intervene for you, though how effective having a stranger come up to you like a certain superhero claiming to be there to save you is up for debate. Not to mention, I think that you'd be the best one to do so."
I thought back to the hospital and Kyoko.
What if it wasn't a stranger, but someone she knew? I immediately shut down that idea.
How would I begin to explain things to her, when we were barely on speaking terms?
She might just call me crazy and try to protect Sakura from me even more, however pointless that would be while I was still stuck in this loop.
"I couldn't ask you guys to go that far, even if you did say yes. But you're right, I don't think that would work. If I'm the one that has to keep repeating until I succeed, I have to try and be the one to end things."
I had already received so much help from them, I couldn't keep using them as a crutch.
Beside me, Sakuta pushed his plate to the side, finished with his meal.
"I know you Futaba, I'm sure you've still got some ideas floating around."
She pulled the notebook back out, no longer focused on the meal.
"You're correct, I was running late for a reason after all."
"We've established some baselines in this theory. You can't get in contact with yourself, and when you try to get to Sakura, you get that magnetic resistance. But, what if you manage to get the other you to save her?"
I was confused, I had already tried that and it almost lead to a disaster.
Seeing the question forming on my face, she continued.
"Just because you can't get close to her or your other self, that doesn't mean other people can't. Are there any people that both of you know that you can think of that might be of some assistance?"
"Well..."
I thought for a moment. Kyoko would have more questions than I could safely answer, and I had no way to get in contact with her anyway. Without her phone number or knowing where she lived, I was stuck with hopefully trying to run into her which didn't seem like the best option considering the time limit that I had. Even if I ran into her at the hospital again, and managed to get her contact info, I'd have no way to explain how I knew her number the next time I looped.
"There might be one person."
It was still a long shot, but there was one person I knew I could find. Whether or not it would be a success was another story. Rio nodded, satisfied with my answer.
"Do you think you could get to them in time today?"
I checked the clock on the wall, and mentally did the math.
"No I don't think so, I know where they will be but by now they could be anywhere. If I manage to find them, it would be too late to be effective today."
Sorry Sakura, please just be patient a little longer.
We stood up from the table, not wanting to hold the table as more customers had come into the restaurant. Paying the bill at the counter, we headed outside. Rio stopped just a few feet from the entrance. "I'll keep working at the lab to see if I can find any other solutions. What will you guys do?"
I looked over to Sakuta to see him looking over to me. He thought for a moment.
"I know a place we can go, unless you have somewhere else you wanted to go?"
I shook my head.
"If you think it's a good idea then I'll follow you."
Sakuta nodded, and looked to Rio.
"Will you be coming over to the apartment later on then?"
She nodded
"Even if I am unable to come up with anything more at the lab, we might make a breakthrough together."
We waved her off, and then it was just me and Sakuta.
"So where is this place you want to go?" We were headed toward the nearest station.
"It's a place that I met someone who changed my life when I was at a very low point. I hope you don't mind sand too much."
3
On the train, I could see the Shichirigahama beach in the distance. There didn't seem to be too many people there, though this wasn't one of the popular beaches to visit. Sakuta explained why he picked this spot as we rode.
"So that one event led you to take admission in Minegahara High and meeting Mai-san?"
He nodded.
"It didn't seem like it at the time, but one of the worst days of my life ended up being the catalyst to the best things that ever happened to me."
As we stepped off the train near the Enoshima railway line, I thought over what Sakuta had said. Because of his situation, he had ended up coming to this beach and meeting a stranger who had such an impact on him that he had picked what school to go to, hoping to meet that person again. Instead, he found the love of his life.
"It's like a fairy tale, isn't it?"
I looked over to Sakuta, staring out to the ocean.
"Someone meeting a stranger that impacted them so much that they end up meeting someone they fell in love with, though I guess that would make me the princess in the story."
He laughed, and I couldn't help but laugh with him.
"Also, these events led me to meet one of my best friends I made during the first year of college. And that's such a long story I wish to tell you one day for sure."
I smiled back at him. He took his gaze off the horizon and looked over to me.
"By the way, Haruki… What are the first words you'll say to her once this is all over?"
It caught me off guard, and I said the first thing that came to mind.
"I'm sorry, I suppose."
He shook his head.
"You may feel sorry, I get it. But I don't think that's what she wants to hear."
He gestured to me, and I followed him to one of the benches close by.
"Someone once told me, the three favorite phrases of her life… which are Thank you, You did your best, and I love you."
I could tell by the look on his face that he was recalling a pleasant memory.
"If she really means that much to you, that you're willing to go through all of this to save her, I think she'd want to hear something else instead of just I'm sorry. What do you have to be sorry for? Most people might not be willing to go through such a trial, but you haven't given up yet. You're doing your best. Even if it takes longer than you'd like, as long as you don't give up, I'm sure she would be proud of you."
I looked away, not wanting to let him see the tears forming. If it was anyone else, I would have not believed them. But despite how Sakuta may appear to come off, I could sense the honesty behind his words. He believed whole heartedly in them, and I could see more of what Mai saw in him.
He was right. As long as I never let the circumstances pull me down, as long as I kept trying and fighting, Sakura would be proud of me. Even if I couldn't bring myself to say "I love you", I could still thank her for making me into the person I was today.
When she reached her low points and put up a front to pretend things were okay, I could tell her "You're doing your best, I'm proud of you."
I wiped away the tears, thankful that Sakuta never said a word. We sat silently together for a bit, watching the sunset slowly creep in. The sky filled with color, as though it was a private show for just the two of us. As the sun began to sink in the horizon, Sakuta stood up.
"We should probably start heading back, I'd hate to disappoint Mai-san by not being home when she gets there."
"Wait."
I managed to speak up before we wandered too far. Sakuta stopped and looked to me.
"Thank you for taking me here, and for everything you and everyone else have done to help me. If it wasn't for all of your help, I'd still be lost and trying to do things alone."
He smiled,
"Of course. Just try to remember what I said when this is all over and you get to see her. You've got this."
The wait for the next train was quick, Sakuta must have checked the time table before leaving the station earlier. After only a few minutes, we were seated once again.
By now, the sun had completely set, yet we could still admire the scenery thanks to all the streetlights. Looking across the train to the other side, I could see the buildings of the city lit up, banishing as much of the darkness as possible.
As we reached our stop, I thought back to what Sakuta had told me at the beach.
"Saying I'm sorry is easy, and a lot of times people say it without really meaning it, or think that by saying it somehow makes everything better. Anyone can apologize, but not everyone can show that they really mean it."
I wasn't sure how I could explain everything to her, I'm sure she'd probably think I needed to stop reading so many books after saying something as ridiculous as "I've repeated the same day countless times to save you."
Not to mention, how do you tell someone you saved them from dying without them knowing they would have died that day in the first place?
No, the first words out of my mouth to her wouldn't be "I'm sorry." I had so many things I wanted to say to her, but that flew to the bottom of the list.
"This is our stop."
Sakuta spoke up, interrupting my internal thoughts. I cleared my head, and we disembarked.
"So any ideas what else Futaba might come up with?"
Sakuta asked as we walked from the station to the apartment.
"I'm sure whatever it is, it won't be what I expected." He laughed nodding.
"Like I said, it may not always be what you expect but she's never let me down before."
I laughed with him, then a thought came to mind.
"Do you think that..."
Before I could finish, I heard someone grabbing my arm tightly from behind me to look at her.
"You are really laughing at a time like this?! How dare you!"
I turned around to see Kyoko, her face covered in tears. Too little too late, I realized what had caused her to be like this.
"She's dead, and you can walk around laughing just like that? I knew you were no good for her, don't ever come near me again!"
She shouted, tears still falling down her face. I tried to raise my hand to get her to stop, but she had already run off before giving a glare to Sakuta as well. I was stunned. I never imagined I would have run into her again today, and at such a bad time no less.
Beside me, Sakuta stood like nothing happened and whispered.
"I take it you know her then?"
I nodded, still too shocked to speak. I felt his hand on my shoulder, a reassuring touch.
"It's not your fault, she's just lashing out. I take it she was a close friend to Sakura?"
I nodded again.
He removed his hand from my shoulder,
"Come on, there's no point moping around here."
I followed, still in shock. I could understand how Kyoko felt, the numb cold feeling that started when I first saw the news. The feeling turning into anger, sadness, pain, it was overwhelming.
If that's how I felt, it only made sense that Kyoko would have been outraged seeing me laughing after finding out that her best friend was no longer alive. Our relationship was barely anything, always her trying to figure out what was going on between Sakura and I. To say we were anything more than people who knew each other was a huge stretch in my eyes.
"Don't worry too much about it, when you wake up next morning, it'll be a fresh slate anyway."
Sakuta continued to try and cheer me up, as difficult as it was. I nodded absent mindedly, replaying the words in my head over and over, Kyoko's face covered in tears.
How could I think of anything else? The anger and pain in her voice seared into me, making me feel as though her words had branded onto my soul.
Without realizing it, we had made it back to the apartment. I was so lost replaying the scene in my head, I didn't even realize we had rode the elevator up with Mai.
As though they were speaking far away, I faintly heard Sakuta explain what had happened as we were walking back from the station. I never even heard the sound of the doorbell as Rio had arrived, eager to share whatever she had come up with at the lab.
Sakuta had pulled me towards the bathroom, handing me a towel.
"Just go take some time, we'll be out here when you're ready to talk alright? If you want, I'll wait outside the bathroom if you feel like talking."
I nodded, unsure of what question I was actually answering.
I sank into the warm bath water, barely noticing the heat over the chill that had settled into my body. All along, I had been so focused on my pain, I had never spared a thought to how anyone else would feel after hearing the news. True, it had been replaced by the hope that I could turn things around, but the encounter with Kyoko had ripped off the cover I put into place, and now all those emotions had begun to rush back.
I closed my eyes, no longer wishing to see the world around me. Instead of the peaceful void of nothing that you would expect when you close your eyes, I saw Kyoko. She was walking by an electronics shop when the news had come on.
At first she kept walking, after all most young people have other things they are worried about, the news is just more problems that adults focus on.
It wasn't until she heard the name that she stopped walking, frozen in place. I saw the look on her face, one moment happy and content, the next moment there was nothing. She turned pale, the blood draining from her face as her brain processed the words and images. She had turned and ran aimlessly from the shop, and it was a familiar noise that made her stop.
I couldn't imagine what it felt like to be her, hearing the news and seeing the one person you couldn't bear to see walking about as though they didn't have a care in the world.
Did she know if I had even heard the news? I'm sure she didn't know, but her grief had overpowered her.
Before, when I had run into her at the hospital, she had said I was dead if I hurt Sakura. At the time, I brushed it off. But now, I felt that she really could do it. I shivered at the thought of Kyoko coming after me, nothing but revenge on her mind.
"Are you still there?"
I finally called out. I wasn't sure if Sakuta would really stick around, but from the other side of the door I could hear him.
"Yeah, I am."
Instead of spending time with his sister or fiancé, he had waited for someone he barely knew to be okay.
"Thank you, I think I'm doing a little better now. I'm sorry, the whole situation just completely overwhelmed me. I never thought I'd run into her again, at least not at so far here from Takaoka"
There was something off. How did Kyoko find me here in Fujisawa? Did she followed me? How could I see what she was doing and how she got to know about the news of Sakura?
I got up and dried off, pushing off the thoughts. No reason to keep everyone waiting on me even longer. Everything will get reset next morning anyway.
From the other side of the door, I could hear Sakuta getting up.
"No worries, we're just glad you're doing okay. We did kind of mess up dinner plans, so come out to the living room and we can order something."
I felt bad, now there was four people who had delayed their plans because of me.
But I remember what Sakuta had said to me. All things considered, I still had managed to get back here, I didn't break down in the street. Without Sakuta there to support me, I may have done just that. "I did my best."
What else could I have done in that situation?
Tell Kyoko it would be okay and that when I woke up the day would start over, meaning Sakura would be alive again?
No, that wouldn't have fixed anything. In fact, that might just make Kyoko want to kill me even more.
"I'll make it up to you Kyoko, just don't kill me before then."
I silently made a prayer, before getting dressed. It was time to see if Rio had any good news to balance the day back out.