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Feelings I shouldn't have
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Chapter 42 – Feelings I Shouldn't Have
Amara's POV
I hadn't forgotten about that night.
Three months had passed, but the memory still lingered like perfume on a favorite shirt — subtle but persistent. It was supposed to be a one-night mistake, something wild and reckless to mark the end of my innocence and the beginning of a new chapter. But instead, it carved something deep into me. Ethan.
His name alone made my heart skip in ways I never understood before. I thought I could forget him, pretend it didn't matter. But the more I tried, the harder it became. Maybe it was because he was my first. Or maybe it was because, in those few hours, he saw a part of me no one ever had. And now, here he was again — not just in my life, but in my world.
And tonight, sitting across from me at Arya's dinner table, he looked... breathtaking.
I had to keep my hands tightly clasped under the table, my fingers digging into my skin, just to stay composed. Pretending not to know him was already hard enough — but watching the way he looked at Arya?
That was torture.
There was something in his eyes when he glanced her way. A softness. A longing. And as much as I hated to admit it, it wasn't the look of a man who was interested in me. It was the look of someone who had loved her... or maybe still did.
My throat tightened.
I stabbed at my food, barely tasting anything. Arya was laughing about something Damon had said, and everyone seemed so at ease. Except me. I was stiff. Every move calculated. Every smile forced.
Ethan hadn't said much since he arrived. Polite. Controlled. Too perfect. He didn't glance at me more than necessary. Not even once. But I knew him now — or at least, I thought I did. That silence was loud.
It screamed of memories neither of us were allowed to acknowledge.
I excused myself from the table, murmuring something about needing air, and stepped out onto the balcony. The evening breeze kissed my skin, offering some relief. My chest felt too tight — full of emotions I had no right to feel.
I liked him.
I liked him.
God help me, I liked a man who was in love with someone else — my brother's wife.
"Amara."
I turned sharply. He had followed me.
Of course he had.
He leaned against the railing beside me, eyes fixed on the horizon. "It's a nice night."
I said nothing. I couldn't trust my voice. My feelings were spinning too fast, threatening to spill.
"I didn't know you'd be here," he added after a beat.
I finally found my voice. "Neither did I. Arya invited me last minute."
He nodded, and silence fell between us again. The unspoken hung heavy.
"Do you regret it?" I asked suddenly, surprising even myself.
He turned to me, brows furrowing. "Regret what?"
"That night."
He exhaled slowly. "I told myself it was just a mistake. A one-time thing."
I looked away. That hurt more than I expected.
"But," he continued quietly, "I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it since."
My eyes snapped to his, searching for truth. "Then why are you acting like a stranger?"
"Because I have to," he said, voice tight. "You're Damon's sister. Arya is... complicated. And we weren't supposed to meet again."
"But we did," I whispered. "And now you're my boss."
A bitter smile touched his lips. "Life has a cruel sense of humor."
I stepped closer, my heart pounding. "Tell me the truth, Ethan. Do you still have feelings for Arya?"
His expression didn't change. But that silence? It said everything.
I stepped back.
That was my answer.
The ache in my chest deepened, pressing hard against my ribs. "You didn't even look at me once tonight."
"I couldn't," he confessed. "Not without giving everything away."
"So what now?" I asked, feeling raw. "We pretend nothing happened?"
"I don't know," he said honestly. "But whatever this is between us... it can't happen. Not here. Not like this."
I nodded slowly, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. "Right. Because she still has your heart."
He flinched, and I knew I'd hit the mark.
I turned toward the door, ready to rejoin the others. But before I could go, he caught my wrist gently.
"Amara," he said softly, "I never meant to hurt you."
Too late.
I didn't pull away, but I didn't turn to face him either. "You didn't have to mean it. You just did."
I walked back inside, head high, heart breaking.
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