[Wake up, here comes the tickle monster! And if you do not get up, I will~]
Smack~! I pulled off a beautiful, Michael Jordan [Statue of Liberty] smash, on my annoying alarm clock!
Nah, Just kidding, it is dope.
"Guess I need to get up and make plans for taking over the world, Pinky? Haha!"
I chuckled at my own stupid joke, and began my morning routine...
-
Coming downstairs, I head to the family dining area, to meet my wonderful parents...
Oh, And of course my home is like Issei's, just your average track-home in the quiet Japan suburbs.
Sizzle~ Pop~! As I rounded the corner, I saw my beautiful mother cooking, what I guess to be eggs and bacon, based on the smell.
My parents' names are Touji and Kyiomi Tanaka.
My mother is on the taller side for Japanese women, and I swear when she was younger she had to have been an airplane attendant or something like that.
She has long straight shiny hair, and she keeps it in an office lady bun... Well it makes sense, since she is a manager at a clothing store.
And sitting over at the table reading, fuck is that Playboy?!
Anyways, that waste of space is the reason the younger me from the show was a degenerate hoe-bag.
Don't know why my Mom married him, she is the complete opposite of Dad.
Well, he is the shortest of us in the family, below average for a Japanese man.
My father gives off the lazy-vibe, like that one lazy ninja from that Fish-Roll show.
Dad also has a close shaved head, like me.
I'm called Ash Baldy by my pals, and now I know why... Well at first the Earth zero me thought it was because I was into sports and it got in the way.
Nope, it's because if Dad and I grow our hair out, we end up with embarrassing Japanese Afros!
Sniff! I know it's sad.
I was brought out of my strange thoughts, by a nice plate of breakfast placed neatly like a 5-star restaurant.
I told the kind waitress...
"Looks good, Mom! And thanks for the cake and balloons yesterday."
She of course smiled at me, as she opened her newspaper for her meal.
-
Then after a few minutes of us eating, my mother looks over her paper at my Dad, and smirks as she asks...
"So Dear, any good articles in that piece of highly intellectual material?"
Nice one Mom! I gave her a thumbs-up.
"Cough, cough, cough~!"
Damn, my Mom timed that one well, just as Dad starts to swallow his food the wrong way!
But like a champ, I saw him flip a page back... Flutter~!
Then he says, after almost meeting my other Dad.
"Um... Yes Dear, it seems that the economy is finally picking up steam again... We will recover our GDP in a year or so."
Dad looks at me and gives me a thumbs-up, like he pulled off some amazing prestidigitation...
It is the D×D world, what can I say?
He then says to me...
"Brat, my 2 boxes I had in my den went missing, so you need to help carry some shit to the shop, after we eat."
Oops, my luck is terrible!
-
An hour later I left my Dad's shop...
And interestingly, it is right near that overpass Issei meet's that angry Fallen Angel hot babe.
As I crossed the bridge, I was looking at my smartphone, to see what I needed to prepare for entering Kuoh Academy.
Then I heard the damnedest thing!
Woof~! [You're a good boy, and smell really good!]
What the fuck?!
Woof ~! [I want to love you and lick you, and we can play catch!] Woof~!
Bang Thud~! All of a sudden, I'm flat on my back with the biggest fucking brown Mastiff I have ever seen in my 2 lives... hell probably in all 21 lives!
"OK boy, let me breathe, haha! Damn, is your name Hooch or something?"
Mofu Mofu~! I laughed while petting the big ball of muscle.
To my surprise and horror, I heard the dog say-bark...
Woof ~! [No silly goof! I'm a girl, and my Master calls me Precious!]
At that point I heard, who I think is the dog's owner, call out in a husky sexy voice...
"Damn it Precious, Down!"
As I got up, I noticed a scowling beautiful European woman jogging over...
She is so tall, she makes my Mom look short.
She has navy blue hair, down to her waist in a ponytail.
Crap, I got to get used to these weird hair colors on Humans now!
The supermodel woman is wearing a running-outfit, and seems to be on her morning jog with her dog.
The gorgeous model was trying, and failing, to get Precious under control.
I thought she might hit the poor thing at this rate, so I decided to try talking with the dog in my calm voice...
"Okay girl, be good and listen to your owner."
At that point the lady was clearly surprised to see Precious jump to her side, with a tail swinging like a propeller, and holding the leash in her mouth nudging her owner to grab it!
She took the leash and said...
"Thanks for that... She seems to listen to you? It's odd, she hates everyone but me."
She finally had a semblance of a smile on her face for once.
I think this woman hates people normally.
"Anyway, thanks again for that... My name is Karen, and I hope we will meet in the future. Just yesterday, these perverts tried hitting on me, so it is nice to meet a young man with manners."
She turned her hot ass around, waving goodbye to me, while saying that.
I manned up and yelled at her...
"And my name is Matsuda Tanaka, remember it!"
Crap was that Naruto I did there?!
Then when the duo made it to the end of the bridge, and were about to turn a corner, Precious barked at me one last time, with confusion on her face.
Woof ~! [I don't know why the Master gave you a fake name, but her friends call her, Kalawarna!] (Some Dubs called her Karlawarner.)
Then the woman and dog left my sight... Huh?! What!
-
A while later, I made it to my room on autopilot, thinking about what happened there...
Buzz Ding~! At that moment, my computer started up all on its own, and then my email popped up with a notification!
I sat down to see what in bloody hell was going on, and I saw... [You got Mail], listed as the email was from Big G!
So I opened it to read the following...
-
[Took you long enough to open this... Anyway don't want to cock-block you on your first little outing there, and yes, she is exactly who you thought it was.]
[Anyway, I will keep this short. I have guessed that you are experiencing bizarre things as of late, and I will give you a BRIEF list of your Sacred Gear and what it is capable of, once you unlock its power.]
[This was a bit of my Power of Creation, I used in the Seven Days of making the Universe. Right now you are unlocking the passive effects of your Sacred Gear, but to use spells and active abilities, you will need to train yourself a bit.]
[Fortunately, you have a year or so before anything major happens. Sorry I won't give you all the knowledge instantly, like in those books, but this brief list should lead you in the right direction.]
[Also this is the first time this Longinus has shown in this D×D world, so when it fully reveals itself theThrone of God, in 7th Heaven will officially recognize it, and drop that silly Longinus Spear that killed you back then down a notch.]
-
"Okay, this is a lot to take in, but I will just keep reading..."
-
[Longinus Sacred Gear: Eye's of Creation]
-Day 1: Light: Immune to all light and holy based effects, along with mastery of Heaven's magic.
-Day 2: Atmosphere/Firmament: Knowledge of common barrier magic, as well as a high resistance to almost all environments, [includes the Dimensional Gap]
-Day 3: Dry ground & plants: Earth and Plant mastery and manipulation.
-Day 4: Sun, moon & stars: Precognition, visual analysis, hyper cognitive thinking, as well as knowledge of most illusion magic. This also has given you [System Administrator Privileges] greater than even Michael. WARNING, use this power with care!
-Day 5: Birds & sea creatures: Affinity with birds and marine life, as well as the ability to fly [wingless] and swim effortlessly.
-Day 6: Land animals & humans: Affinity with animals and magical versions of them. Magic to manipulate and care for pure Humans, with low magical potential.
-Day 7: The Sabbath of rest: Passive regeneration with the ability to use 'healing magic' by touch. Wielder is immune to mind control, and his sacred gear can never be taken, destroyed, copied, or suppressed by anything other than God himself.]
[Well I think you get the gist of it. Naturally, you will have to practice many of your Sacred Gear's functions and limits. Some of your powers are passive and will work and grow on their own, while others must be practiced diligently and use their own unique energy to manifest... For instance spells will need your magical power or its 'equivalent'.]
[Other abilities will use up your body's physical stamina and endurance, kinda like running long distance. Be careful not to pull any big moves or spells that will cause you to collapse. [wink emoji]
-
"Huh, Did he just wink emoji there?"
I found that part odd... so I continued reading.
-
[And finally, I hope you have a fun and exciting life, but try not to make too many regrets.]
[PS: I may have altered the destiny of a certain Devil, and changed her past-life choices just a smidge. I know deep in your heart, you would never want to ruin someone else's happiness, so as a good father I hooked you up..... Well only if you become a Devil of course.]
[Did I peak your interest? Too bad, so sad, I won't spoil this one! Oh, PSS: In case you die again, I have taken the liberty of deleting your browser history... Don't thank me, it was nothing! Love Big G!]
-
I stared blankly at the computer screen, trying to process all this information dropped on my mind all at once....
Then I saw a big smiling emoji with a halo on the screen, folding the fingers on its hand... doing a countdown?
Zap Zap Bang Puff~! After hitting zero, a loud electric zapping sound filled my room, followed by a faint smell of burnt ozone.
To my horror, I realized God fried my computer...
"What the fuck man?!"
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