🎙️ [Intro music: dubstep mixed with egg-cracking noises and one dolphin scream]
"YO YO YO WELCOME BACK to the BeanCast Special: The Baking Episode no one asked for and no one is ready for!"
The genie wore a chef's hat duct-taped to his LED headphones and an apron that said "Kiss the Cat (she will bite you)".Beans? Draped in her velvet cape, wearing oven mitts on her back paws.Why? No one knows.
"Today, we're making cake. But not just ANY cake — it's emotional-support-cake powered by vibes, glitter, and maybe actual fire!"
Step 1: The Ingredients
The genie slammed a mixing bowl onto the counter. Beans knocked it off immediately.
"Mood," he whispered. "Okay, new plan. We're winging it."
He summoned ingredients by yelling random words into the toaster.
"LOVE! REGRET! SHREDDED COCONUT!"
Somehow, flour exploded from the microwave.
Beans began licking butter.
"Beans, NO—wait yes. Good taste test."
She sneezed. Into the sugar.
They both nodded.
Step 2: Mixing (??)
"We don't have a whisk," said the genie. "But we do have this vibrating toothbrush and a dream."
He duct-taped the toothbrush to a fork. Called it a Fusion Blender™.
Beans jumped into the bowl mid-mix. Spun like a furry blender. Left a paw print in the batter and walked off like a legend.
"PERFECTION," the genie screamed. "THE FLAVOR PROFILE IS CHAOS."
Step 3: Baking
He stared at the oven. It stared back.
"It's… judging us."
Beans stepped on the button. The oven beeped ominously.
They shoved the cake pan in and high-fived. Beans used her tail. It slapped.
Ten seconds later, smoke started rising.
"This is fine," said the genie, putting on swim goggles and wielding a spatula like a sword. "Fire is just spicy light."
Beans was wearing a colander as a helmet now. For safety.
The fire alarm shrieked. The toaster turned green. The oven moonwalked six inches to the left.
"That's new."
Step 4: The Taste Test
The cake came out looking like a confused pancake that lost a fight. One side was frosted, the other was on fire. The middle? Emotionally unstable.
"Let's eat," said the genie, dead serious.
Beans stared.
Licked it once.
Then… meowed softly.
"She APPROVES," the genie declared, sobbing joyfully. "SHE TASTED OUR SOULS."
Then they both took a bite. Time slowed. The walls hummed. A ghost may have fist-bumped them.
"Tastes like trauma," the genie whispered. "With a hint of vanilla."
Beans burped. Glitter shot from her crown.
Final Thoughts
"And THAT, dear listeners," said the genie into the carrot mic, "is how you bake a cake without instructions, emotional stability, or a functioning oven."
Beans rolled off the counter and curled up inside the mixing bowl.
The genie bowed to the camera.
"Till next time, bake weird, live loud, and never trust a normal spoon."
🎙️ [Outro music: off-key kazoo solo + Beans snoring]