Following Team 4 through the forest was almost too easy. I mean, they weren't exactly being subtle—crashing through the underbrush like a herd of drunk elephants. Even Academy first-years could track this mess.
'Maybe I should give them some pointers on stealth after I steal their flag,' I thought, ducking under a low-hanging branch. 'Of course, professional consultation doesn't come cheap. I'll have to bill them for the lesson - teaching fee, expertise surcharge, and a small markup for my time.'
Tracking them was stupid easy. Noboru walked like he had bricks for feet, and Droopy Eyes kept snapping twigs every few steps. They might as well have left a trail of breadcrumbs.
I froze behind a thick tree when I heard voices up ahead. Sticking to the shadows, I inched closer until I could see into a small clearing.
Well, crap.
Team 4 wasn't alone. They were huddled up with Team 1—Minato, Mikoto, Choza, Tsume, and Kana. Ten people total, looking sketchy as hell. Nothing screams "we're up to something" like a secret forest meeting.
I crept closer, staying low behind the underbrush. They were still too far away for me to make out every word, but Miyabi's angry gestures told me everything I needed to know. She was waving her arms dramatically, pointing in various directions, and clearly working herself into quite a state. Even from this distance, I could tell she was badmouthing me—her face had that particular shade of indignant I'd seen right after I'd rolled her up in her own clothes. From where I was hiding, I could only catch bits and pieces of what she was saying.
"...psychological..." her voice drifted over, "...disgusting jar..." she did this full-body shudder, "...threatened us with..."
The others leaned in like she was telling the best ghost story ever. I couldn't hear everything, but my gut told me she was painting me as some kind of psycho.
Minato's voice carried better. "...flags stolen?" I heard him ask.
Slouchy nodded like a bobblehead, pointing at his clothes. I caught the words "...tied us up..." followed by some wild hand gestures.
Everyone in the clearing started laughing. Even from where I was hiding, I could see Choza's jaw drop.
When they calmed down, the groups huddled closer together, their body language shifting from confrontational to collaborative. Minato was speaking now, his calm gestures a stark contrast to Miyabi's animated ones. Whatever he was saying had everyone nodding in agreement.
Miyabi punched her palm like she was already imagining it was my face. Whatever they were cooking up, I was definitely the main ingredient.
I frowned. 'That can't be good.'
Suddenly, Tsume's ninken puppy perked up. Its little nose twitched frantically, and its head swiveled directly toward my hiding spot. Our eyes met through the foliage.
'Oh crap.'
"Someone's there!" Tsume shouted, pointing directly at my bush.
Curse those Inuzuka noses.
Ten heads whipped around simultaneously, and I found myself staring at a collection of surprised and then quickly hostile expressions. Miyabi's face turned a shade of red I didn't think was humanly possible.
"I knew it! He was following us!" Miyabi yelled, looking way too happy about catching me.
And that was my cue to exit. I exploded out from behind the bush like a jack-in-the-box on steroids, abandoning any pretense of stealth, and took off in the opposite direction.
Behind me, I heard the thunderous scramble of multiple sets of feet and Minato's calm voice. "Don't let him escape! He heard everything!"
No, I didn't.
So much for being sneaky. I took off running. Behind me, the clearing exploded with activity as ten angry kids charged after me.
Running through the forest felt like flying. I leapt over exposed roots, ducked under branches, and pushed off tree trunks to change direction. The forest was a blur of green and brown around me as the sound of ten academy students crashing through the underbrush behind me created a jumble of snapping twigs and rustling leaves.
"Shinji! You coward!" That was definitely Miyabi. "Come back and face justice!"
"Sorry, justice is on lunch break!" I called back, not breaking stride.
"We'll catch you eventually!" someone else shouted.
"Your legs will give out before ours do!" That was Choza, which was rich coming from an Akimichi.
'This is great,' I thought. 'Nothing like a morning jog with ten people who want to kick my butt.'
Behind me, it sounded like a tornado tearing through the forest. Branches snapped and leaves crunched as Teams 1 and 4 crashed through the forest after me like bulls in a china shop.
"Shinji, you can't outrun all of us!" Minato called out. He sounded too confident, which made me instantly suspicious.
"Watch me!" I yelled back, running faster.
I zigzagged through a bunch of close-together trees, trying to shake them off. The sounds swearing continued behind me.
"Spread out!" I heard Minato yell. "Don't let him circle back!"
The chase went on for several more minutes, my lungs starting to burn in that good way that means you're pushing yourself. I jumped over a little stream, landed on a slippery rock, and used it to launch myself deeper into the trees like a slingshot.
I heard splashing behind me as some of my hunters followed. But something felt weird. The noise behind me had changed. I snapped my head back over my shoulder. Through gaps in the trees, I caught glimpses of my pursuers, but they weren't the tumbling mess I'd left behind. More like a well-oiled machine and less like an angry mob.
After about five minutes of running through the forest like a madman, I started really paying attention to the sounds behind me. Something was definitely off.
I started counting what I heard.
One-two-three... four?
Wait a second. Only four sets of footsteps? Where the hell were the other six?
I jumped up and grabbed a low branch, swinging myself into the trees for a better look. Crouching on the thick branch, I peeked back at who was chasing me.
Minato was in front, his blond hair like a beacon. Behind him came Mikoto with her perfect Uchiha running form. Tsume followed with her puppy, and... Miyabi?
'Oh, you sneaky bastard,' I thought, reluctantly impressed.
It hit me like a water balloon to the face. This wasn't a random chase; the sounds were getting fewer, the pursuit less chaotic. Minato hadn't sent everyone after me.
Which meant...
"My flag!" I hissed, suddenly getting it. While this small team kept me running the wrong way, the rest were probably heading straight for my undefended territory.
I changed direction immediately, pushing off the branch and launching myself toward home like a human cannonball. The quick change in forest sounds told me my pursuers noticed. Sharp rustling to my left, synchronized footsteps to my right.
"He's figured it out!" Mikoto's voice rang through the trees.
"Cut him off!" Minato ordered. "Mikoto, left flank! Tsume, right! Miyabi, with me—we'll block his escape route!"
I heard them picking up speed. Time to get creative. I pulled out some ninja wire, strung it between two trees as I passed, setting it at ankle height like a spider weaving its web at light speed. I heard a satisfying "Oof!" followed by some very creative cursing that definitely came from Tsume. Something about my "ancestry" and "explosion."
"Trip wires? Really?" Miyabi was closer than I expected. "Didn't you already use that trick on my team?"
I glanced back to see her jumping neatly over my wire, eyes locked on me like I was her favorite target at the shooting range.
"I stick with what works!" I called back, pushing myself to go faster.
The forest got thicker as I got closer to my territory, branches scratching my arms as I pushed through. I could hear Minato and the others closing in.
I burst into a small clearing at full speed and spotted three figures ahead. Slouchy, Droopy Eyes, and Noboru were coming from the east, exactly as I'd guessed. They froze like deer in headlights.
"Boss! He's back!" Noboru yelped, pointing at me with eyes as big as dinner plates.
I skidded to a stop so hard my feet dug trenches in the dirt. Four Team 4 members in front of me, four chasers behind me, and who knew where Choza and Kana were.
Minato burst into the clearing behind me like he'd been launched from a cannon, with Mikoto, Miyabi, and a slightly messed-up Tsume practically on his heels.
"Nowhere to run now, Shinji," Minato said, barely out of breath from the chase. His blue eyes checked every escape route like he was calculating angles for kunai throws. "Eight against one. I'd say your flag-stealing days are over."
Tsume and her puppy moved to my right while Mikoto glided to my left like a cat ready to pounce, boxing me in with textbook teamwork.
I couldn't help grinning despite being totally outnumbered. "You know, most people would just ask for my flag. There's no need for violence."
Eight pairs of eyes locked onto me, full of determination, annoyance, and in Miyabi's case, what looked a lot like payback.
Until suddenly I stood there, hands raised in surrender like some bandit from those old Western movies. Eight pairs of eyes stared at me like I'd just suggested we have tea instead of trying to punch each other.
"You're not seriously surrendering," Miyabi said, sounding almost offended.
I grinned. "Oh, I absolutely am. You want my core flag? I'll even give you my autograph so you can prove you caught me."
Choza's jaw dropped. "But... but we were going to have an epic showdown!"
"Epic is exhausting. Pass."
Mikoto raised an eyebrow. "You're surrendering? But you seemed so excited about leading us on a chase."
"Yeah, I'm skipping straight to the ending. You guys win. Congratulations. Can I go now?"
Minato just shook his head, that knowing look in his eyes. Of course he'd understand. That's what I liked about Minato - he got me. Well, sometimes.
"You're impossible," Tsume huffed, her puppy whining in agreement.
The clearing fell silent except for the sound of wind rustling through leaves. Nobody seemed to know what to do with my surrender.
"This is weird," Noboru muttered. "Shouldn't we be fighting?"
"Why fight when you can just hand over the flag?" I reasoned. "I'm helping you out here. Think of all the energy you'll save."
Slouchy scratched his head. "He's got a point. No fighting means no injuries."
"That's the spirit!" I said cheerfully. "Well, you all already know where it is from your maps. I'll just walk back with you to make sure nobody gets lost."
I turned and started walking toward my team's territory, completely unconcerned about the eight ninja potentially ready to attack from behind. Just casually walked away like I was heading to lunch.
"Wait!" Miyabi called out. "You can't just... walk away!"
I glanced over my shoulder with a slight smirk. "But I already did," I replied, giving a lazy wave before turning back around.
The strangest part was that they followed me, like a confused parade of would-be victors. We reached my team's territory in about five minutes. The traps I'd set up earlier were still intact, not that they mattered anymore.
"There it is," I said, pointing to our core flag with its seals keeping it fixed in place. "Help yourselves. Since it's stuck there, you'll have to do the work."
Thirty minutes later, a whistle blew across the forest.
"Times up!" Takada-sensei's voice boomed. "All teams return to the starting point immediately!"
The relief that spread across everyone's faces was almost comical. Exhausted ninjas who'd been chasing each other through the forest suddenly realized they didn't have to do anything else.
…
Ten minutes later, we were all gathered in the central clearing where the exercise had started. Takada-sensei stood there with arms crossed, looking like someone had just told him all his favorite sake bottles were empty.
"Would anyone care to explain," he said slowly, "why not a single team managed to protect their core flag?"
Silence.
"Team 1, your flag?"
Minato cleared his throat like a politician caught lying. "Destroyed, sensei. Team 2 got to it while we were... pursuing other objectives."
"Team 2?"
Shikaku sighed like the weight of the world rested on his shoulders. "Gone. Team 3 destroyed it while we were dealing with Team 1's flag."
"And Team 3?"
I raised my hand like an eager student answering a question. "Heroically destroyed. After an epic battle against overwhelming odds—what, eight versus one? They surrounded me, attacked from all sides, and after a valiant defense worthy of legend, I was tragically defeated."
Takada-sensei's eyebrow twitched like an angry caterpillar. Miyabi started coughing like she'd swallowed her tongue, while Minato's mouth twitched like he was fighting off a full-blown smile.
"Team 4?"
Miyabi winced like she'd stepped on a tack. "Also destroyed, sensei."
"Team 5?"
A voice from the edge of the clearing piped up. "Completely destroyed, sensei! Miyabi did it!"
"Let me get this straight," Takada-sensei said, voice dangerously calm like the ocean before a tsunami. "In a test designed to teach you about strategy, teamwork, and defending your objectives... you all failed spectacularly?"
Nobody answered. The silence was so heavy you could feel it in your bones.
"You're all surprisingly talented at offense," he declared, throwing his hands up, "which makes this even more disappointing. You managed to destroy every other team's objective while abandoning your own. A shinobi must balance objectives—not focus on one aspect of the mission while ignoring the rest."
"You're all going to write reports," he announced like he was sentencing criminals. "One page each on what went wrong and how you'll improve. Except you, Shinji. You get two pages on why surrendering is not a valid tactical decision."
I groaned. "Can't I just surrender the report too?"
"No!"
"You're all dismissed. Think about what happened here today. Next time, I expect better."
We started to disperse, and that's when I heard it.
GROWWWWL
The sound rumbled across the clearing like thunder. Kushina's face turned as red as her hair. She clutched her stomach like she was trying to strangle it into submission and looked around to see if anyone else had heard.
"Hungry?" I asked, trying not to laugh.
"Starving," she admitted. "I was so focused on the exercise I forgot to eat breakfast, dattebane!"
"Well, I was thinking about cooking something nice for dinner..."
Her eyes lit up like the sunrise over the ocean.
"But after getting chased around by ten vengeful students, I'm not really in the mood to cook. How about I treat you to Ichiraku instead?"
"Ichiraku?" She practically bounced on her toes like a rabbit on sugar. "Yes! Perfect! I could eat ten bowls right now, dattebane!"
"See, this is why I like you. No need to convince you that ramen is worth it."
"Are you kidding? Ramen is life!" She threw her arms up dramatically like a street performer. "I was going to suggest it myself but didn't want to seem greedy."
"You? Not seem greedy? That ship sailed when you asked for five helpings at dinner last week."
"That was legitimate hunger! Growing teenagers need fuel!"
We started walking toward the village. The sun was setting, painting the sky in shades of orange and pink that reminded me of her hair. She chattered excitedly about the exercise, dramatically reenacting how she'd body-slammed one of Shikaku's teammates, complete with sound effects.
"You're not upset I just gave up back there?" I asked casually.
She waved it off like swatting away a fly. "Please, I know you. Eight against one is bad odds even for you. No point getting your pretty face messed up for a training exercise, dattebane!"
"My pretty face thanks you for your consideration."
"Besides," she continued with a grin that could light up the night, "I know the real reason you surrendered."
"Oh? And what's that?"
"You were probably tired from all that running and decided nap time was more important than winning."
I clutched my chest like she'd stabbed me. "You wound me! I was making a strategic decision based on—"
"—laziness?"
"—tactical efficiency."
She laughed, bumping my shoulder with hers. "Whatever you say, Mr. Tactical Efficiency."
Then her expression softened, melting like ice cream on a hot day, and she looked at me with a sincerity that made me pause mid-step. "But you know... if this wasn't just an exercise, if it was real... I know you'd find a way. You'd probably save the day with some crazy plan nobody saw coming, then come back to me all victorious like it was nothing."
'Come back to you?' I opened my mouth but found myself completely speechless, like someone had yanked the words right out of my throat.
Here was the girl who beat up her classmates for looking at her hair funny, and now she was looking at me with complete faith in her eyes.
Her face started to turn red. "I-I mean, come back to the team! Obviously! Not me specifically, dattebane!"
I just stared at her, still speechless.
"Stop looking at me like that!" she huffed, turning on her heel and walking faster toward Ichiraku. "You act like no one's ever believed in you before!"
Maybe that was exactly the problem.
We reached Ichiraku with the midday sun beating down on us. The savory aroma of broth and freshly made noodles wafted from the stall, making Kushina's stomach growl all over again.
"Table for two," I told Teuchi, who gave me a bright smile.
As we sat down on the stools, Kushina turned to me with a mischievous grin that spelled trouble. "So, does this count as a date?"
I nearly choked on my own spit, coughing so hard I thought my lungs would fly out. "A date?"
"You know, treating a girl to dinner? That's what people do on dates, dattebane!"
"That's... not... I mean..." I struggled to find words, which almost never happened. Words were supposed to be my thing.
She burst out laughing, the sound filling the little ramen stand. "Relax! I'm just teasing you. Though your face just now was priceless!"
"Two miso ramen," I called to Teuchi, trying to recover whatever dignity I had left.
"Make that six for me!" Kushina added cheerfully.
I raised an eyebrow. "Six?"
"I'm hungry, dattebane! And since you're paying..."
'Well,' I thought, watching her excited expression as Teuchi and his dad started preparing our order, 'I've spent money on worse things.'
Like my sake collection that I never actually drank.
Or those fancy tea cups I bought just to impress someone and never used.
Or that time I bet on the Academy's annual genin race and lost everything because the favorite tripped over his own feet.
Yeah, spending money on Kushina was definitely not the worst thing I could do with my funds. Even if she could probably eat my entire monthly budget in one sitting.