He got up and went into the house, the door was opened and his mother was awake. When she saw Thomas, whose sweater looked no better than his jacket, she screamed and then Thomas asked her to calm down. She followed him out of the house and when she saw Carol dead, she fainted. Thomas took her home and without expecting it, he put her on the couch and covered her. He decided to bury Carol himself in the cemetery nearby, where it was still dark. He grabbed Carol's body and carried it there.With the body he also carried the shovel that his father had kept in the basement long ago.He was feeling very heavy, he seemed to have lost all his strength but he had to do it.Thomas exhaled heavily as he carried the body up the hill because this cemetery was on a mountain two blocks from his house. It was empty.He put the body on the ground and tried to dig a hole as fast as he could.He slowly lowered Carol into the hole he had dug with all his strength now he was not only wet and bloody but his sweater was covered in mud. He buried her.When he was done he threw the shovel to the side and suddenly wondered how it looked from the outside, like he had killed someone and buried the body in the cemetery? But that's exactly what he did, he was guilty of everything.
"What a fool I am" Thomas said standing over Carol's grave "I hate myself for this and I will always blame myself because it was my fault she died, only my fault, I must be punished too".
Going downstairs he suddenly remembered the first time he met her, how unhappy she was then, complaining to him that there was nothing in her life that she should continue to live. She was selling her body for money. It pained Thomas to remember, but he had taken her under his wing, first to work for his father, then to live with him. He should have just talked to her, if he hadn't thrown her out the door, she would have been alive, and the scream he thought he had dreamed was not a dream.
If only she were alive.... He wanted Carol to be with him now, to hug her and apologize for what he had done, he just wanted her to be alive. Carol was now up there on the mountain, buried by his murderer, he thought as he powerlessly dragged the shovel along the ground and felt nothing under his feet, and after a moment he just fell down the slope and dropped the shovel. For a moment he just lay there, feeling the cold raindrops falling on his face and then he stood up, looking like a dead man.Finally he reached home.He just opened the door and threw the shovel to the side.His mother was still asleep.
"She shouldn't know" Thomas thought "but it wasn't good to lie either".
He took off his sweater and was left with a naked torso.He stretched out.His pants were dirty too.He suddenly looked at his hands and there was still blood on them.He went to the bathroom. He threw up and vomited.After that he went to the shower and washed off all the dirt. He felt sick. He felt like he was going to throw up but he stopped himself.Thomas went into his room in just his swimming trunks.It was getting light outside.Thomas looked at himself in the mirror. He was green and he had guilt in his eyes.He turned away and then looked at his bed at the bed where Carol had been sleeping. He remembered how she had grabbed his hand and asked him if he had a girlfriend. Shit. He sat down on the couch with his hands over his head.Then he grabbed some wide pants, pajama pants, and pulled them on.He was shaking.He tried to lie down but couldn't. Suddenly he felt the pain of being hit in the face with a shovel.Thomas laid down and before he knew it he fell asleep because he was so tired.He dreamed of Carol begging him to save her but he couldn't save her.He woke up.His face was wet with sweat and not just his face. Thomas exhaled heavily and looked at the clock on his bedside table, it was noon.He got up and left the room pulling on a T-shirt.His mother was lying on the couch but Thomas didn't want to go near her, he grabbed the first aid kit that was in the bathroom near the mirror and took out some sedatives.
He drank some water and went back to bed and fell asleep for a long time.When he woke up he felt drowsy.It was six in the evening.Thomas called John and told him to come over to his place in a little while.His mother was not at home.John instantly appeared at Thomas's doorstep.He opened the door and let him in.
"I called you but you didn't pick up, what happened, lucky we didn't have an exam today".
"I don't give a shit about exams".
John looked at Thomas.
"You don't look well, dawg".
"Don't ask me anything John, I'm just...I don't feel well".
John was dressed in jeans and a jacket.
"I called you here for a reason".
"What for?"
"I need to unwind a little bit because I feel really bad or I'm going to kill myself right now".
"Hey friend, calm down".Thomas looked at himself in the bathroom mirror and was very tired.
"So are you in or out?
"Okay, but maybe you can explain to me what's going on".
Thomas got dressed, took the money he had saved and after a while left the house with John.
"Not now John" he said, looking at the way he opened his mouth "I just want to rest".
Thomas didn't want to say anything now, he just wanted to relax.
Thomas wanted to get drunk and John could tell it by the way he said he needed to rest, though he wasn't sure.
Thomas finished his cigarette and looked around. It was empty and dark, and he stopped in front of a restaurant, but then moved on.
"Where are you going, Thomas" asked John, but he didn't answer until he was in front of a place with a sign that said "Frazier's Drinks".
"Here we are".
Thomas opened the bar door and John followed him in.
There was a smell of alcohol and cigarettes inside, but Thomas didn't mind them, he went straight to the counter.
"One glass of whiskey, please".
The man behind the counter was old and fat, and he looked at Thomas over his glasses but didn't say anything.
"Isn't it usual for a guy like you to drink alcohol? " he smiled, his mustache furrowed.
"That's none of your business" Thomas snapped back.
"That was rather rude" said the man.
"Fuck off" Thomas said as he watched the man walk away.
"Calm down Thomas" John said, "you didn't pick a good place to be". Thomas grabbed a glass of whiskey and turned to John.
"Thanks for always being there for me" he said and drank the glass, after which his throat got very sore and his stomach felt like it was going to explode because he hadn't eaten anything for a long time.
John ordered some wine.
They sat next to each other and drank at the bar.
"Would you like to tell me what happened?" John asked.
Thomas remained silent and took another drink of whiskey.
"I'd advise you not to drink like that because you don't drink much Thomas so... "
"I don't need you to tell me, John" Thomas grumbled and lit John's cigarette.
"I'm just worried about you Thomas... "
Thomas looked at his friend, only now he realized how attractive he was.
"I don't understand why Julia doesn't pay attention to you, I'd be chasing after a guy like you if I were any girl".
John suddenly smiled.
"Thomas, are you drunk or something, it was just two drinks I told you... "
"No really, you're probably as lucky as I am".
John frowned.
"I forgot about Julia, why did you bring her up again? "
"You did the right thing, John, she never loved yo"Thomas said and blew out a puff of smoke.
"As if that wasn't obvious".
"Obvious to someone like me" Thomas said "who hates whiskey".
"Come on John" Thomas said as he stood up and pulled some money out of his pocket. He handed it to the bartender and was about to leave when he heard a familiar voice.
"Something wrong, Thomas? " John asked, looking at his friend in surprise, but he seemed to notice as well. There was Ethan.