Akira stared at the floating notification in front of him with the same expression someone might wear while watching a shampoo commercial that promises to "make you popular in love."
SPN: Active Quest – "Get the Tsundere to Become Your Wife"
"I'm screwed," he said with a huge grin, slicking his hair back like he was in a romantic anime directed by someone with too much budget and not enough shame.
Ping!
One of his teeth sparkled dramatically.
And then, just as dramatically, he collapsed to the floor—like a man who'd just been rejected on live national television.
"I'm too young to die… I haven't even seen the ending of Two Pieces!"
"The author said it'll be over in five years," Minu commented casually, floating nearby while flipping through a magical magazine titled False Promises by Mangaka, Vol. 8.
Akira slowly turned his head toward her, eyes filled with the righteous fury of a fan betrayed three times by the same franchise.
"He's been saying that for twenty years… Twenty!"
Then, in a flash of revelation that smelled like defeat with a hint of spicy hope, he sprang to his feet.
"I can't die without experiencing the pleasures of life!"
"Like… female affection?" Minu asked, tilting her head.
"Yes! Female affection! …Wait, no, not like th—"
Comedic reverse slap to Minu. PAF.
"That's not what I meant!"
From the far end of the room, Cecilia approached—calm expression, voice like silk wrapped around razor blades.
"If you're lacking in love, my lord, I can give you what you need… I may lack experience, but I have the will."
"And even if you're a failure with women," Minu added, fully recovered, "I'll teach you through the power of disciplined education."
"Silence!" Akira shouted, raising his hand dramatically like he was denying his fate.
"Yes, maybe I'm not an expert in love!"
"Maybe I'm a hopeless virgin!"
"Maybe I have a better chance of marrying into the mafia than dating a real woman!"
"But…!"
"But what?" both girls asked in unison.
"I've read enough romance stories to become THE strategist of the heart!"
"I'm gonna use my super otaku knowledge!"
"I'll make her fall for me even if I have to go through every single cliché known to the genre!"
"I will win Aoi Blaze's heart using… THE INFERNAL SHOUJO METHOD!"
With an epic declaration and absolutely zero actual preparation, Akira put on a pair of cheap plastic sunglasses (brand: Sugoi Cool) and slicked his hair back like a low-budget 80s action movie hero.
With confident steps and dangerously inflated self-esteem, he approached Aoi's desk as if he truly were the protagonist for the first time in his life.
"Hey there, babe… You come here often?" he said, trying to flash a charming smile but ending up looking more like he was having a facial cramp.
Aoi stared at him with the kind of disgust usually reserved for cold soup or an unsolicited text from an ex.
"Yes. I work in this office."
A bead of sweat ran down Akira's forehead. His confidence dropped by 10%.
SPN HUD:User Confidence: 90%Aoi Blaze Affection Level: 0%
"Ahem…" he cleared his throat, trying to reclaim his improv-lothario persona.
"Has anyone ever told you… you have beautiful eyes?"
"Yes. Every day. Everyone who walks into this office says that."
Akira reeled back like her response had dealt critical damage.
He panicked. He shoved a hand into his jacket and pulled out a fistful of cards.
"Plan B, Plan B! Pickup lines!" he muttered, rifling through them in desperation.
Finally, he found one that seemed promising. He read it aloud like it was an incantation:
"Would you like to grab a coffee and then watch MikuTube at my place? There's a great movie about robots with feelings!"
Aoi stared at him in silence for a few seconds…
And then responded as if she'd just heard someone describe an ancient, forbidden ritual.
"Thanks. I don't know what any of those things are, but I have work."
"If you really want to impress me… grab a shovel and start digging."
Minu floated up next to Akira, hovering beside him like a smug little winged insult.
"You're an idiot, kid. Those cards don't work here. This isn't your 2D dating sim. You have to be original. Natural. And stop acting like an anxious loaf of bread."
Akira looked at her with a mix of resignation and confusion.
"So you're telling me 'Your smile shines brighter than a moe supernova' doesn't work?"
"Absolutely not!"
SPN: Recalculating romantic strategy…New Suggestion: SHARED EFFORT SCENE – "Physical Labor in Pairs"
"You know… I'm starting to lose faith in the SPN. For a mission system, it's kind of garbage."
"In system anime like Solo Smurfing, the protagonist gets stronger with every mission. Here, I'm just getting humiliated for free," he grumbled, crossing his arms.
SPN: Apologize to the SPN by dancing like a monkey. (Failure to comply will result in falling object.)
"Oh no… a falling object. So scary," he said sarcastically, looking up at the sky like he was mocking fate itself.
The mission timer hit zero.
A metal basin fell directly on his head, giving him a bump the size of his self-esteem and snapping his plastic sunglasses clean in half.
Aoi let out a long sigh and rubbed her face, as if she could absorb secondhand embarrassment through sheer proximity.
"Look, kid… if you really want to get my attention, I've got a proposal for you."
Akira shot up and leaned dramatically over her desk, with an expression full of absolute confidence. Or at least, it was trying to be.
"Lay it on me, gorgeous. I'm all ears—I mean, all ears. No! All... listening!"
"God, why do these things happen to me?" Aoi thought.
"Listen closely, because I don't like wasting time. I've got work to do, and a lot of things to rebuild."
"Picnic at the quarry? Training montage in slow motion?"
"We'll have a public debate."
"Debate?" Akira repeated, like she'd asked him to solve quantum physics on a napkin.
"Six hours from now. Town hall announcement chamber. If you win, I'll agree to any request you make tied to the mission."
Akira waved his arm like he'd just found a golden ticket to a legally recognized harem.
"But if you lose… you'll be exiled to the Kingdom of Loevia," she added, with a smile far too calm to be safe.
"Well, that doesn't sound so bad," he said, stroking his chin, evaluating with all the wisdom of a mid-tier anime protagonist.
Minu floated to his ear and whispered something.
Akira went quiet.
His expression changed drastically. Sweat appeared out of nowhere.
"Okay… maybe it does sound that bad."
Aoi extended her hand.
"So tell me, boy… do you accept my offer?"
Akira took her hand firmly.He didn't know how to debate, had no arguments, and would probably forget everything before even getting to the hall.But he had one thing: narratively potent desperation.
"Of course. My life depends on it."
And so, against all odds, an opportunity had presented itself.Not through merit.Not through strategy.Not through destiny.
But through pure, blessed, and completely unjustified main character luck.