How can I get proof of my older brother's crimes? Something that could instantly turn his life upside down.
And more importantly, where?
The answer was his room.
All evidence too valuable to simply discard and destroy was stored there, safely locked away in indestructible safes protected by a dozen spells.
But this little thing wasn't a problem. I had stormed this Estate many times in the game during the full-scale war against the Nilfheims and knew all the passwords to its safes.
The real problem was in the presence of my older brother.
This geek, in keeping with his title of a recluse who despises everyone beneath him – that is, literaly everyone else – spent all his time in his room. So I desperately needed to smoke him out of there by any means necessary.
And the conclusion I came to was one thing.
Laxatives.
His body was laden with artifacts that recognized all kinds of poisons, so poisoning him was impossible.
But laxatives were not considered [Poison] in the game.
Yes, I know. How could something so violent and deadly not be considered by them?
Sitting on a toilet seat for hours on end, feeling your body turn outward? What the heck is that if it ain't damn hell?
Anyway, usually a regular laxative would have sufficed, but my brother's body was already far from ordinary, so special treatment was necessary for him.
And I was ready to give him that special care. In this world, there was such a potion as [Wyvern's Shame], a particularly strong laxative that could make even the day of the semi-mythical creature, the Wyvern, a living hell.
Thank the Sun, among my useless knowledge of the game was this recipe.
It didn't require any rare ingredients, so all of them were found at the nearest [Herbs and Potions] store and were bought by me.
All that's left is to cook it.
Piling all the ingredients in front of me, I smirked.
"Shall we get started?"
***
Shit.
Two hours later, all I could do was swear to myself.
Was I being too naive and presumptuous?
Staring at several servings of spoiled ingredients, I didn't know what to say.
Why did the reality patch make potion brewing so difficult?
It was much easier in the game.
All you had to do was clean the ingredients from impurities, choose the right dosage, click on the screen a few dozen times in the right sequence, keep the fire level variable so that the sensitive ingredients didn't burn and the rough ones didn't stay raw, and then just make sure there were no anomalies during the fusion of the ingredients and pray to all possible Gods, hoping for luck.
As expected, reality was not so simple, greeting me only with the dark embers of my ingredients.
I could only thank myself for taking a few servings of ingredients just in case, as I usually do, and the fact that they weren't rare or expensive.
"Wow, Young Master can even do that?"
The exclamation of my personal maid brought me out of my thoughts.
Was she mocking me?
Her gaze was directed at my table, or rather at the pile of burnt herbs and roots on it.
Anyway, that's not what I was worried about right now.
"Hmm, Esther, do you know what this is?"
I asked with some hesitation. Alchemy was not a common thing in this world.
"It's Alchemy, isn't it?"
"...And do you realize what I'm trying to create?"
"A little bit. If I'm not mistaken, it's [Dragon's Shame], right?"
"Almost. It's [Wyvern's Shame]."
I twirled the still unburned mahogany root in my hand, explaining.
"Although [Wyvern's Shame] is considered weaker then [Dragon's Shame] and its effects are not as great, this is only by the standards of true Dragons. To humans, they are equally deadly."
Correction, deadly to reputation.
But social death is also death, isn't it?
"Mmm, I see. I heard about it when I was a kid."
At this point, I was ready to slap myself on the forehead.
Damn it, how could I forget?
Esther came from a fallen Noble House, so it was natural for her to know the basics of Alchemy.
Wait, doesn't that mean...?
"Esther, help me."
I can speed up this tedious process.
"Whatever you say, Young Master."
With Esther knowing the basics of this world's practical Alchemy and my advanced theoretical knowledge, brewing [Wyvern's Shame] was no longer a problem.
Perhaps we can even make [Dragon's Shame]...?
Okay, I'll save that question for the future.
I focused again on the cooking process, handing Esther one of the ingredients.
"Esther, process this over a slow-high purple flame until half cooked."
"Okay."
At times I gave her instructions, but more often...
"Young Master, if you don't stop refining the Moon Grass now, it will be ruined."
"Ah, really...?"
"Yeah, it's all about her effects..."
Explaining and showing me this, her plump breasts pressed against my back as her pleasant scent entered my nostrils.
Her voice caressed my ears like a warm breeze.
My heart beat faster.
Even a virgin like me could feel it.
Isn't... isn't this situation pretty romantic?
Privately with my maid… alone in my room… we prepare a laxative to send my older brother to the infamous Inquisition department and then execute him...
My heart raced even harder. Shit, I'm at my limit.
It was like we were in a scene from those romantic adult doramas.
"Do you understand everything, Young Master?"
"Yes, thank you, Esther."
Of course, outwardly, it didn't affect me.
Goals were paramount.
I'm going to finish [Wyvern's Shame] today by all means.
So, we continued this process of mistake-question-correction in this ambiguous atmosphere around us.
As a result, Esther made a wonderful teacher.
Thinking back to my teachers in the civilized world, rarely a lesson was without shouting, swearing and cursing.
In contrast, Esther did have a talent for carefully explaining complex things in simple language, without even raising her voice.
Does that mean she'll make a good mother?
Finally, [Wyvern's Shame] was ready.
Looking at the vial of potion in front of me, I couldn't help but let out a satisfied smile.
Our first joint brainchild was completed.
Esther's graceful fingers lifted the vial of the fruit of our combined efforts and spun the vial before her eyes.
"This is the first time I've ever seen [Wyvern's Shame] live."
"Yeah, it's not the kind of potion you see often."
And the reason was not because of its complexity or rarity, rather who would think of wasting time and ingredients on a laxative?
However, they were wrong. As a veteran of [Gallery] and someone who has been brewing this potion for as long as I can remember, I could say that Laxative was one of the top 5 best strategic weapons in this game.
From its ability to turn your entire reputation into dirty air, to its use during battles and negotiations.
Add to that the fact that laxatives didn't count as [Poison] and wasn't recognized by most defensive artifacts and spells.
And that's despite the fact that the ingredients to make it were incredibly common! Even with a bunch of junk on hand, you could hope for success.
It was something on the verge of breaking the balance. Any more and it could be removed from the game.
Thank the Gods, I was probably the only one in the [Gallery] who recognized the benefits of laxatives and used it all the time.
[Master Laxative], huh?
I think I played with that nickname for a while.
"I think I'm only now realizing the greatness of your plan, Young Master. You don't want to just kill your older brother, you want to first kill him socially, then morally and only at the very end finish him off physically? This humble maid truly admires you."
Esther clapped her hands joyfully.
Hearing this, I handed her the vial.
"I'll leave it up to you."
With her talent and zeal, it was the best decision.
"Thank you, Young Master. Don't worry, I will take proper care of Lord Dantalian."
My older brother was a threat to my [happy ending] and an object of vengeance for her. Our goals were remarkably congruent.
Were we made for each other?
In any case, I glanced out the window. The sky was already darkening, and the moon was gradually showing its shape.
Soon the Dung Beetle's dirty net was going to have an answer.