⚠️ Content Warning:
This chapter contains depictions of self-harm, suicidal ideation, emotional distress, and abuse-related trauma. Reader discretion is strongly advised. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional or contact a local support line. You are not alone. Please enjoy, but read only if your ok with all of this.
The abandoned gas station sat like a skeleton on the edge of town. Its windows were shattered. Graffiti screamed across its side like ghosts trying to be remembered. No cars. No lights. Just me, standing alone, my backpack heavier than it should've been.
I checked my phone. 4:12 p.m. They'd said to be here by four.
I didn't want to be here. But I wanted my siblings safe more.
A door creaked open at the side of the station, and a man stepped out. Same guy from before — the one with the cigarette always half-lit, the one who laughed when he said the debt was mine now.
"Right on time," he said. "That's good. Shows you're serious."
I said nothing. Just nodded.
He waved me inside.
The back room smelled like gasoline and rot. A single bulb flickered overhead. Three other men were there. One was scrolling through his phone. Another was counting bills. The last one, young — maybe nineteen — looked up at me with something close to pity. I didn't like that.
"Here's how this goes," Cigarette Man said. "You want to pay? You work. You're too young for a real job, so we make things work off the books. Under the radar. No questions."
He handed me a paper with a list of names and addresses.
"You start with cleaning. Deep cleaning. These places are real nasty. Drug dens, hoarder homes, whatever. You get it spotless. You don't ask questions. You don't tell anyone."
I nodded again. My throat was dry. My hands were shaking, but I clenched them into fists.
"Good. First place's not far. We got a ride waiting outside."
The car ride was silent. The man driving didn't even look at me.
When we pulled up, my stomach turned. The apartment looked like it had been abandoned for years — windows taped over, trash bags piled outside. The man tossed me a pair of gloves and a mask.
"Three hours. Bleach everything. Don't touch anything sharp. Don't puke."
Then he was gone.
The door creaked open with a shove. The smell hit first — like mildew, vomit, and rot fighting each other. I gagged behind my mask.
There were needles on the floor.
The sink was black.
The tub was worse.
But I didn't cry. I just started working.
Bleach. Scrub. Trash. Repeat. I kept my mind quiet. Thought about Luna's sketchbooks. Luner's laugh when he watched old cartoons. Anything to drown out the smell, the filth, the reality of what I was doing.
I didn't even notice the cut until I saw blood soaking through the glove.
I wrapped it in paper towels and kept going.
--
When I got home, it was past 2 a.m.
My hands were raw. My back ached. My eyes stung from the fumes. Luna and Luner were watching a movie, the sound low. They didn't ask where I'd been. They never did. I didn't let them.
I smiled, kissed both their heads, and said I was just tired.
Then I went to my room, curled up in my blanket, and let the silence swallow me whole.
--
This debt feels like a rabbit hole that hits the earth's core, and the work is putting daggers through my hands.
They're starting to ask questions. I can tell they're getting too worried. But I can't have them doing that — they'll want to get jobs.
If they get jobs, they'll be tired. And I already see something wrong with Luner... I just can't put my thumb on it. But when I do, I'll help him.
I also want to send them to another state, another school. Something they'll enjoy more than being here.
Ding. Ding, ding. I now have a solution.
"Luner, Luna — come here for a minute."
"Need something, Juni?" Luna popped up out of nowhere, with Luner right behind her.
"Yeah, come sit down real quick. I wanna ask you guys a question."
They sat down like kids waiting to eat candy on Halloween.
"What kinda job do you guys want in the future? It can be anything — legal."
Luna and Luner looked at each other like they'd just committed a crime and I'd walked in at the wrong time.
Then finally, someone spoke.
"It kinda feels selfish that we've been thinking about it. It costs a lot of money, right?" Luner asked.
My eyes softened. I looked down at a piece of paper I'd been planning to write on.
"I just asked a question. Don't take it that far about money. Don't worry about it, even if it involves that. Now answer me. Please."
Luner nodded and spoke first.
"I want to be a nurse. Not a doctor or anything else — just a nurse," he said with a lot of energy.
I wrote that down.
Then I turned to Luna, who was deep in thought. Finally, she spoke.
"I'm good at a lot of things... so can't you guys just pick for me? I'll be fine with anything," she said, looking around the room.
Me and Luner looked at each other, then at Luna, up and down. We both said at the same time:
"Fashion."
Luna stared for a minute, then:
"I'm okay with that."
--
Nurse and fashion designer, hmm. I've been looking all day, but I can't find a good school for him.
I'm just gonna take a shower and come back to finish.
I walked into the bathroom, turned the light on — and turned around.
Luner was on the floor. Blood was dripping from his arms.
I froze.
I could feel my heart — but was it racing or stopping?
My head was spinning. All I could do was stare at his body.
Then — snap.
I rushed to him, felt for a heartbeat — it was still beating. Not fast, not slow. Just steady.
My hands were still shaking.
I grabbed the first aid kit, cleaned the blood, stopped the bleeding, wrapped his arms, picked him up, and laid him in bed.
I stared at him.
But my mind kept racing like I was being chased by the police after robbing a bank. Thoughts like:
"Am I the reason he did this?"
"Did I do something wrong?"
"Am I not good enough?"
And then darker thoughts crept in...
"Your the one who should be bleeding on the floor. Not him. He has so much to live for."
A voice in the back of my mind started whispering, then screaming:
"Ki** yourself. Ki** yourself. KI** YOURSELF. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CALL YOURSELF A GOOD PERSON IN THIS WORLD."
It rang like a bell that wouldn't stop ringing — it was all I could hear.
I looked at the time, got ready for work, and maybe started considering that annoying bell.
--
Next day.
I kept a close eye on Luner. Secretly watched his every move.He didn't bring up what happened.
Maybe he didn't know who took him to bed. Maybe if he said something to the wrong person, they'd find out too.
If he did it again... it'd be a big problem.
"ARE YOU SAYING IT'S NOT A BIG PROBLEM?"
No—
"TCH, THAT'S WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE. YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH HELPING HIM."
And just like that, the bell in my head was right again.I was being selfish. My brother needed help, and I wasn't helping him...
I was the problem.
So I'd fix it.
I finished my homework. I needed to talk to him before bed.
As I walked toward the bedroom, I heard the sound of a pill bottle in the bathroom.
But no one in the house took medication.
I slammed the door open.
Luner had the bottle to his mouth, ready to swallow the whole thing.
"Drop it right fucking now, Luner," I said in a stern voice, eyes locked on the bottle.
He dropped it, fidgeting with his clothes and hands.
I walked up and pulled him into a hug. He hugged back and started crying.
After a while, he whispered:
"Juniper... I—I want to be put in a mental facility."
"Okay. If that's what you want, and if you think it'll help you get the help you need," I said gently.
I rubbed his head, kissed his forehead, and tucked him in. I stayed until he fell asleep.
I looked over at Luna, who'd fallen asleep early — like always.
I sat between their beds, held their hands, and stared at the wall.
I'll make sure you two have a better life. Somewhere far away from this hellhole.
--
"What are these?" Luna asked while eating breakfast.
"These are your entrance exams for high school. Yours is for fashion. Luner's is for nursing and caretaking. You're both taking them today. You'll get your results tomorrow."
I watched Luner look over the test — seeing all the school options.
I'd picked one that could help him get better, while still training to be a nurse.
Luna's was one of the top ten fashion schools. I was sure they'd both get in.
"Now finish your breakfast — you're about to take the exam, ace it, and get into these schools. But don't rush eating, okay?"
Next day.
I had their results. They sat across from me, trying to peek.
I kept a straight face, making them more nervous, then slid the letters to them.
They ripped them open. Read. Their faces lit up with excitement.
I left the room to let them enjoy it, and started making dinner.
A little while later, they walked in — but their excited expressions were gone. Now they looked... confused. Sad.
"Juniper... the schools are in Washington state," Luna said quietly.
"So?" I tilted my head.
"Are we moving?" Luner asked.
"No. I'm not."
They stared at me, shocked.
"S-So... you're staying here, and we're going to Washington? I—I don't want to!" Luner said, voice shaking.
I turned back to the stove.
"You two better go start packing your bags. You leave in five days," I said, biting the inside of my cheek.
"FIVE DAYS?! JUNIPER, YOU KNOW THAT'S 16 HOURS AWAY! YOU'RE GONNA STAY HERE IN VERMONT?!" Luna shouted.
"YOU'RE BOTH GOING. THAT'S THE END OF THE DISCUSSION. NOW GO START PACKING!" I shouted back — and regretted it immediately.
They both walked upstairs without another word.
I bit my nails and breathed heavily. I wanted to cry. But I'd chosen this. Now I had to deal with it.
--
Five days later.
Luner and Luna had packed some of their things.
They were shaking.
When the bus pulled up, they dropped their bags and gave me a tight hug.
I held them, rubbing their backs as they cried.
"We're sorry for yelling at you," Luna sobbed. "We know you did this to help us. We promise to do good in school."
Luner nodded beside her.
I wiped their tears away and smiled.
"I know you'll both do great. I'll send you weekly allowances. Don't worry about working. I've paid everything off for you. But if you ever think about working, talk to me first, okay?"
They nodded. I kissed their heads. They picked up their bags and boarded the bus.
They waved goodbye.
I waved back and watched until the bus disappeared down the road.
Then I turned and walked home — alone.
--
Night.
I was never one to eat much. I drank water, but not as often as most people do every day.
Now...What is this thing I found in my parents' room...about immortality?