The clock blinked 23:01 in red, oppressive digits on the microwave in the kitchen. Jake pushed the front door open with a heavy hand, the creak of the hinges breaking the quiet like a shriek. The hallway was dim, just the faint glow from the living room ahead guiding his way. His sneakers scuffed against the tiles, his gait staggered and loose— alcohol danced in his bloodstream like fireflies, flickering in and out of lucidity.
He didn't notice his mother until she stepped into view, arms folded, face carved from disappointment and rage. "Jake." That was all she said. One word. It struck harder than any yell could.
Jake blinked, a lazy grin beginning to form as he tried to pretend this wasn't what it was. "Hey, Mom.... Wasn't expecting you still up." He rubbed the back of his neck, a chuckle rising in his throat, half-drunk, half-trying to charm.
Adelei didn't budge. "Sit down," she said, pointing to the living room chair with the stiff back.
Jake looked around, confused. "Can't I just—"
"Sit. Down. Now."
He obeyed, dropping into the chair. It creaked under him, his posture slouched, shoulders wide but sagging. The room was silent again for a breath.
"You left your brothers alone, Jake. You promised me - you swore - that you'd stay and look after them while I was at work. I trusted you. And you walked out. Just disappeared. Gym. Then your friends. You left them, Jake."
Jake opened his mouth, but she cut him off with a hand.
"Willem was alone. Alone, Jake. He's five. Five. Do you have any idea what it's like to come home from work and find your youngest child crying by the front door? Alone. Scared. He hadn't eaten. Didn't even know where you were. Or Luke."
Jake winced at that. "Luke left too?"
"Yes. Luke left. Because you left first. You created the chain, and everyone else followed. He went to his friends. Said you'd be back soon. But you weren't. Not an hour later. Not even five. You never came. Do you understand what that means? What that does to a child of five years old completely left behind alone?"
Jake looked away. "He could've called me...."
"He's five, Jake. He has no phone, and he also doesn't know how the home telephone works! You're supposed to be the older brother. The protector. What were you even thinking?"
Jake leaned back, biting down on the guilt, which was only partly dulled by the buzz of the beer. "I needed space," he said defensively. "I had a rough morning. You know I had that fight with Darcy, since Luke definitely came earlier home than me (he could tell by seeing his shoes at the entrance), that stupid brat probably told you the whole story. How rough it was."
"Yes, and Willem also told me. He told me he heard you two yelling at each other this morning and he saw you two fighting, a real fight! He told me it scared him. Luke said the same. They're scared of you, Jake."
Jake was furious at Luke, that rascal wasn't scared at all at the time! He just stood there laughing stupidly! Just as he had feared; that cheeky brat had exaggerated everything! Lied to his mother that he too was scared. Fucking bullshit! Jake had even told him to go away with Willem! But that disaster watcher couldn't keep his curiosity in check and had failed to fulfil his responsibility of shielding the storm away from Willem! Failed to console the little boy! Tsk, I had no time in doing that because I needed to go to the gym as fast as possible....
Jake's eyes snapped up. "That's not true. It was rough, yes, but not traumatic! And Luke was not scared at all! He cheered the fight on! And laughed the whole time!"
"Willem's story alone makes it bad enough. He said you and Darcy stormed out at each other and how you held her violently. That's abuse. He witnessed abuse!"
Jake stood up abruptly. "So now you're just going to act like I'm some monster? One fight and suddenly I'm Satan? Come on, Mom!"
Adelei's voice cracked as she shot back, "Not to mention all the vile swearing he heard! A cannonade of dirty ballyrag poisoned his ears! Honestly, for a while - a while, Jake - I actually thought you were getting better. That after everything with Darcy, and the school, and the camp, you were finally finding your path again. But after what happened today.... You proved me wrong."
Jake flinched, as if the words were a blow.
"I'm so, so disappointed in you," she said quietly.
That word - disappointed - echoed like a siren in Jake's ears. Louder than the yelling. Louder than any accusation. It crushed.
"I'm not a failure," Jake growled, suddenly furious. "I'm not just some drunk loser who doesn't give a shit. I didn't mean to leave them alone like that. It wasn't.... It wasn't supposed to be this way. I just.... Needed out."
"And you thought drinking was the solution?" Adelei's voice tightened. "You think that helps anything? What if something happened? What if Willem had hurt himself? What if he ran outside looking for you? You weren't here, Jake. You weren't here!"
Jake turned away, fists clenched. "I'm not some screw-up, okay? I'm trying."
"No, you're not," Adelei said, softly this time. "You're pretending. You're covering. You're hiding from yourself. And you think I can't see it. But I do. I see it every day. That reckless, angry boy who thinks he can muscle his way through life is still residing in you. The way you still try to charm your way out of blame, like words can clean up everything. It's the same defiance, the same street pride that made you spiral back then. The same gangsterhood, Jake. It's still there, deep down."
Jake turned back, his face twisted with anger. "You don't know what it's like. You think I'm just slacking off, but I'm trying to hold everything together. You think I'm trashing my life, but I'm just tired, Mom. I'm so damn tired of trying to be everything for everyone— the perfect son, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect brother."
"No one is asking you to be perfect," she said. "I'm just asking you to be present. And responsible."
He let out a broken laugh. "You don't get it."
"I get more than you think," she replied. "I was eighteen too, Jake. I know pain. I know betrayal. I know heartbreak. And I also know you're not going to get anywhere by blaming everyone else."
Jake stormed toward the stairs.
"Don't walk away from me," Adelei snapped.
"What do you want me to say?" he shouted. "That I'm trash? That I failed? That I'm just another disappointment in your life? Fine. I messed up. But I'm not the only one. You just want someone to blame because things are hard and you're tired too. But guess what? So am I."
Adelei didn't move. "It's not about blame. It's about honesty. About accountability. About being someone your brothers can look up to."
Jake froze on the second step.
''I'm afraid you are rolling back, Jake. Rolling back to your old life.''
"Goodnight, Mom," he shouted prideful, like this conversation was beneath his dignity. He took the steps two at a time and went upstairs. I'm so fucking done with her! She is so full of herself! Jake thought angrily, determined to ignore her.
Behind him, Adelei stood alone, her hand still at her side, her fingers curled tightly. She didn't follow. She didn't say anything else.
Jake stood in the hallway above in front of his bedroom, he waited for his mother to leave to her sleeping quarters. When he was sure his mother had left Jake could do what he wanted to do now the most: Punishing his stupid little brother Luke, that attention seeking brat who blew the whole story up out of its truthful proportions, overstretching it continents wide! He is the one who made a mountain out of a molehill! If he had stayed home and if he had shielded Willem from the fight, things wouldn't turn out like this!
The hallway was quiet, shadows stretching across the walls as Jake approached Luke's room with heavy steps. The light under the door flickered with movement. He didn't knock this time— just pushed the door open and stepped inside.
Luke was lying on his bed sideways, hands behind his head, legs crossed at the ankle, grinning like he'd been expecting this. He didn't look up from his phone.
"Took you long enough," he said with a smirk.
Jake's eyes narrowed. "You think this is funny?"
Luke finally looked up, mischief gleaming in his eyes. "I don't know what you mean. I just told Mom the truth. Isn't that what good little brothers are supposed to do?"
Jake crossed the room in two steps and yanked the phone from Luke's hands. "You exaggerated everything. You made it sound like I went full psycho on Darcy. You left this house, fully understanding that Willem would be completely alone!"
''Well, how could I know that leaving Willem alone would be such a big deal, I'm just a minor after all, unlike you; an adult who should have known better.'' Luke shrugged, unbothered. "And at that fight things were very dangerous, you know? You should've seen your face— red like a tomato. Willem thought you were about to break something. Even I was a bit scared...."
''You were not scared, you fucking brat! Stop lying!'' Jake's jaw tightened. "You little snake."
"I'm just making sure Mom knows what kind of role model I have," Luke said mock-innocently, then added with a sly grin, "Oh, and mom doesn't blame me at all, after all one can't blame me for leaving for friends when my big brother, my most important male role model, also went for his friends."
Jake's nostrils flared. "You enjoy this, don't you?"
Luke sat up, puffing his chest playfully. "What can I say? Someone's gotta keep you humble."
Jake lunged forward, grabbing the brat by the hoodie and dragging him halfway off the bed. "You think you're tough now? Running your mouth like a big man?"
Luke laughed. Actually laughed. "What are you gonna do, tough guy? Punch your little brother? Wow, real hero move!"
Jake shoved him back roughly onto the mattress— not enough to hurt, but enough to wipe the smirk from his face. "You're pushing it, Luke. Keep talking and I will remind you who's the older brother."
Luke smirked again, unphased. "You're not scary. You're just pissed 'cause I beat you to Mom. Face it, Jake— you're losing your edge."
Jake stared at him for a long, simmering second. Then he turned towards the door.
"Watch yourself, brat," he muttered. "Next time, I won't go easy."
As he stormed out, Luke leaned back again, grinning to himself. "Totally worth it," he whispered.
When Jake reached his bedroom he threw his jacket on the floor, collapsed on the bed, and stared at the ceiling. The room spun slightly, the alcohol not yet done with him. But that wasn't what made his throat tighten or his stomach churn.
It was the thought of Willem's face, tear-streaked and terrified, standing in the hallway. Crying because his older brother had left him behind.
Jake felt ashamed. Why do I always give in to my hot-headed, reactionary impulses?
I should have stayed at home after Selucas left— however when he left, I felt those nasty, stinging thoughts about Darcy slowly returning again.... I had to go; I needed some distraction— at home where I had fought with Darcy it just wasn't possible, there my thoughts would keep spiralling back to her, to that failed and wretched relationship of ours....
Of course, Jake knew deep down that this wasn't a good excuse at all; abandoning your little brother because you want to suppress and numb your annoying, vexing thoughts.
Poor Willem.
He thought about his little, pure-hearted brother with that shocked expression on his face, watching on trembling and shaking as he and Darcy had fought.... And he could see the little boy sitting all alone, scared and uncertain, at home for hours, crying on and on— perhaps thinking that everyone had abandoned him, that he would die alone because the people he loved were tired of him, didn't want him anymore.
Caught up in guilt, he swore never to let Willem down again.
I'm so sorry Willem. I'm so sorry for being such a big bad brother!
I will never let you down again!
Jake also promised, that he would give his little, cute brother a big hug tomorrow at breakfast with many sweet kisses. And of course, he would say sorry to Willem, telling him that he is the one he loves most in the world, that he would never, never ever, abandon him.