••
Bella
The sunlight slowly made it's way into my room through the curtains. I rubbed my eyes, trying to adjust to the vision. I looked at the clock on my side table to see it was 7AM. Slowly sitting up on my bed, I put my head on the headboard before closing my eyes again.
Last night, I didn't have any bad dreams. Last night was something I didn't expect. I felt embarrassing for a moment that Mr. LaRasso got to see that vulnerable and pathetic side of me again. But instead of taking any advantage of me, he calmed me down with sweet words. I never expected this from him. Even for a little moment, I felt peace, happy, euphoric. I admit I was scared of him, but his kindness, gentleness warmed me. I didn't know what this feelings are, whether this too was a dream.
My hand went up as I rubbed my forehead with my fingers, thinking about the moments when he kissed me there softly as if he was afraid that I would get hurt. Sometimes, even thinking about him made my heart flutter which is wrong,isn't it? I should never feel this way for him, I reminded myself that I was just a maid in his eyes. And he just helped me for humanity, he was just being good to me.
Slowly getting up from my bed, I headed towards the bathroom for my morning routine. Changing my clothes, I walked down and headed towards kitchen.
"Good morning, Sara!" I smiled as I entered the kitchen while Sara just started to prepare breakfast.
"Good morning sweety!" She responded, going back to her work.
"Sara, can I make the breakfast today?" I asked nervously, drawing patters on the smooth surface of counter with my fingers. She looked at me with amusement as she smiled warmly.
"Sure! Why not? If you want, you can make breakfast today," she said.
I gave her the biggest smile I could ever give and ran towards her before hugging her from the back. I was never good at making food. When I was little, I used to cook for myself and my father. But my father never had dinner at home,so all the time, I used to eat alone. Not to mention, I used to cook the exact same dish everyday, rice and simple curry. I got bored of eating the same dish everyday but never had the courage to tell my father to bring some vegetables. Since I was working in this mansion, I got to eat different kinds of dishes and I learned a lot about cooking from Sara.
"I'm thousand percent sure!" I exclaimed while taking the pan from her. She happily handed me the responsibility while patting my back softly.
After making the breakfast, Leia helped me to serve the breakfast on the table for the men, including Mr. LaRasso. I didn't know why or how, but I was excited to see Mr. LaRasso.
When everyone started eating their breakfast after serving, I and Leia stood at the corner of the room. I took my time to look at Mr. LaRasso who was eating the breakfast I made while being busy on his phone.
Dark brown hair, slicked back perfectly, sharp eyebrows, pointed nose, angelic lips, sharp jawline. His thick lips formed into a thin line and his eyebrows scrunched as he texted someone on his phone. His expensive suit failed to hide his muscularity. His whole existence screamed dominant power.
I was so into watching Mr. LaRasso that I didn't realize he was already staring at me. His devilish smirk showed the confidence in him as his eyes traveled from my head to toe, making me shift in my position. I averted my eyes as I wanted to slap my head for being so stupid. The rest of the breakfast passed uncomfortably as whenever I looked over at him, I found him staring at me with his signature smirk. He was so confident about his good looks and he didn't even try to hide it.
After the breakfast, the men busily walked out of the room while me and Leia cleaned up the table.
"So.. what is it?" Leia asked out of nowhere. I frowned my eyebrows while looking at her confusingly.
"Oh come on girl! Now don't think that I am a stupid!" She continued.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, not knowing what she was saying.
"Look! I saw Mr. LaRasso was staring at you the whole time during breakfast which he never did! And you were being shy like a cute girl. Now tell me the full story!" She demanded, folding her arms against her chest.
My cheeks turned into red as I quickly looked away. "It's nothing really! I didn't know he was looking at me," I lied.
"Girl, you are terrible at lying you know that?" She mocked.
"Whatever. I have a lot of work, now move." I pushed her jokingly as I passed by her. I felt a hard slap on my ass and I quickly turned around to see Leia giving me death glare. I stopped myself from laughing at her face.
"Did you just -" I asked in disbelief.
"Yes I did! And I will find out the truth sooner or later miss!" She said mockingly as if she was dead serious.
"As I said, whatever," I said, rolling my eyes at her before leaving the room. She was such a silly girl.
I carried the plates in the kitchen and put them near the sink to wash them.
"Sara, can I ask you something?" I asked her while washing the dishes.
"You just asked," she responded jokingly. "What is it? Shot."
"I never saw any family members of Luci- I mean Mr. LaRasso. Where are they?" I asked while drying my hand with towel. It was silent for a moment as I looked at her for answer. It seemed like she was having difficulty in answering the simple question.
"They are not here." She simply replied before going back to her work.
"Where are his parents? I never heard about them from anyone."
She sighed before looking at me. Her eyes filled with guilt and sadness. I straightened my position as I waited for the answer.
"His mother died after giving him birth. He doesn't have a good relationship with his father for so long now," she replied softly.
My eyes widened at her answer as I felt bad for Mr. LaRasso. "That means he didn't have anyone to take care of him?" I asked her. I knew the pain. I knew what it felt like to have no one by your side.
"He had. His sister, Naomi used to take care of him." She replied
"His sister? Where is she now?" I scrunched my eyebrows, I never saw her in this mansion.
She froze, I heard her let out a deep sigh. She shifted and it went quiet for a while. It seemed like she was hesitating in answering me.
"She was killed."
••
I stared at the beautiful scenery in front of me. From where I sat, the place looked absolutely stunning, just like a painting. The garden bloomed with beautiful colours and the beauty doubled as the light of the moon fell on the flowers and leaves. I stared up at the night sky, trying the find the brightest star.
Losing a family is so painful. No matter how happy you are, no matter how much money you have, you still feel incomplete without a family. I felt that. Mr. LaRasso felt that too.
Sara didn't want to tell me much about his family and I didn't force her either. But hearing that his sister was killed when he was young, made me feel anxious. He was alone in the world, just like I was.
"Everything hits differently at night, doesn't it?"
I heard a familiar deep voice from behind. I turned around to see Mr. LaRasso standing beside the glass door. He had a warm smile on his face as he walked towards me, his eyes fixed on mine. He took a sit beside me and we both looked at the night sky.
"What are you thinking, Bella?" He asked, his voice sounded as soft as feather.
I couldn't believe, he was the same man, who appeared to be so strong, was hurting from inside when I was only hurting myself everytime, trying to end my life.
"Thinking about my life, about everything." I replied softly.
It was silent for a while. We both were lost in our own thoughts. I didn't mind the silence. Rather it was so comfortable and soothing, until I broke it.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled.
He looked at me confusingly. "Why are you sorry?" He asked.
"For your loss." I simply replied,ignoring his eye contact. I heard him let out a sigh before looking back at the night sky.
"You didn't have to. You don't even know me properly." He spoke in the silence.
"I know. But I feel anxious. I also lost my family." I mumbled back.
"You know what,Bella, I always wake up in the morning, thinking that something amazing would happen to me. But then I realize, my life has changed totally. I can't go back to who I was. People say, forget the past and move on. But only we know how hard it is to forget." He chuckled, shaking his head.
I nodded at his words. He was right. No matter how many times I tried to forget my past, it was still chasing me. My whole life, my past chased me, even in my dreams. Sometimes my life made me feel so pathetic, weak.
"But you know, you are a badass motherfucker because nothing is more terrifying than battling with your own past and mind every single day and survive in this cruel world." He spoke again.
My eyes widened at his choice of words and I looked at him to find him looking back at me. We both stared at each other for a while before bursting out laughing.
It felt so good to laugh. I didn't even remember the last time when I laughed this hard, I felt so free. My laugh slowly died down as I looked at Mr. LaRasso. This was the first time I saw him laughing. I looked at him as I thought about the words he told me. I never knew I needed them. I never experienced this happiness in my life and I would always be grateful for that.
His laugh died down as he stared at me with so much adore in his blue eyes, a warm smile still playing on his lips.His eyes glowed in bliss of happiness like the stars in the night sky. He looked so beautiful that I couldn't take my eyes off him and I didn't even fight the desire. It's beautiful and mesmerizing at the same time to see him happy.
"You are so beautiful, Bella." His voice sounded soft as feather, his eyes shimmering under night sky.
I sighed at his words. I never knew I would feel so special. I gave him a warm smile, not wanting to look away.
Before my eyes could further drown themselves in the depth of his eyes , he planted his lips on mine.
I froze in my position as he moved his lips against mine softly. It wasn't possessive at all, not even rough. It was so gentle and filled with such emotion that I couldn't quite decipher.
His one hand came up and cupped my face, slowly stroking my cheeks. I closed my eyes, letting my lips slowly move against him. His touch surprisingly felt so warm everytime that I couldn't push him away. My feelings were all over the place at that time.
He was being so nice to me. I was afraid if he was really genuine or it was all just acting.
We both flinched and pulled away hearing a noise from behind.
"You asked for the files, Boss." Someone said while clearing his throat.
I didn't dare to look at the person as I looked down, but from the voice, I could tell it was Giovanni.
"Okay. I'm coming." Mr. LaRasso said, dismissing him.
I didn't have the courage to look at Mr. LaRasso and he didn't seem to push me too.
"Good night, Bella." He said while getting up and leaving me alone in the garden. I felt so pathetic for melting in his touch. He had such strong affect on me. But his touch was what I needed. It made me feel warm, it soothed me, it took away the pain, he made me feel safe. And even for a little while, I wanted to hold onto his touch.
••
"You and your mother, you both are burden." He gritted through his teeth.
"Why didn't you die? Why did you even come in this world?"
"You are just a mistake Bella!"
"Such a useless girl!"
"Stop Dad!"
"I wanted a son. At least he could've earn me some money, but you? You are so pathetic!"
"You are so ugly!"
"Your existence is meaningless!"
"Weak!"
"Pathetic b*tch!"
"I should've killed you with your mother!"
"No Dad! Please!"
I woke up, trying to breath and shot up on the bed. I was totally covered with my own sweat and so was my bed. I could hear my heart pounding against my ribcage, my head ached. I kept sweating, I felt hot. My body was trembling violently.
"Please! Leave me alone!" I screamed as I cried out to get rid of the pain.
I was ugly, I was a pathetic bitch. My birth was a mistake. My father's voice kept ringing in my head.
My hands went up to my head as I tugged my hair roughly. I wanted them to be a nightmare but it wasn't. It was my reality, my truth. Images from the past flashed in my head as I pulled my hair even more roughly so that I could get rid of them. But it never worked. I only hurt myself by doing that. I buried my face in my palms as I sobbed. Everything was falling apart. I felt so empty from inside.
I remember every single words my father used to call me to make me feel so low while he hit me with his belt.
My tears kept falling. I needed peace, I needed air to breath. I thought I could run away from my past, I thought I was going to start a new life from here. But I was so wrong. I could still hear my father, I could still see that disgusted look on his face when he used to look at me, like I was a garbage. He was all over in my mind. I wished to live without fear. But I was so stupid to think that, my reality, my past would always follow me wherever I go.
I cried as I shook violently on my bed. It was dark everywhere. I couldn't see anything. My vision was blurry, all I could see was fear.
Suddenly, a pair of strong arms pulled me towards him. I didn't fight it because I felt warm. He put my head in his chest as he hugged me so tightly. I didn't miss a chance as my hands quickly wrapped around him. I buried my face in his chest and cried silently.
"I-it doesn't go away!" I sobbed.
His fingers grazed my scalp in a soothing way, pulling me closer to him.
"Breathe Bella"
I heard his soft tone. My tears slowly died down as I took deep breaths. His strong cologne touched my nostrils as I slowly relaxed under his touch.
I wanted this peace. And I got it from him. I didn't think twice before accepting it from him.
I put my head on his chest as I curled up in his arms. He pulled me on his lap, his one hand rubbed my back soothingly as the other one held me closer to him until there was no space left between us. I felt his warmth. I completely relaxed when I felt his lips on my forehead, leaving a lingering kiss there.
"I'm here, Princess. I'm here."