Beep beep.
The sound of my alarm stirred me awake .
'Depressing ' i thought ,staring into pitch darkness ,
"I really should change the blackout curtains",maybe a little bit of sunshine is what I need.
I rolled and stretched groggily .
I didn't want to go to school today ,
I didn't want to leave my bed .
I almost faked a fever ,but for who ?
So in the end I got up , I always do .
°°°°°
On my desk there was nothing, just a piece of paper , I picked it up –it was empty .
No words ,no drawings, nothing .
Somehow it felt worse , this was just the beginning I could feel it .
There were laughter and whispers behind me, I could feel all eyes and fingers aimed at me , I sat unmoving ,I kept my head down .
Maybe it was my imagination.
But I didn't think so.
Recently I've noticed things I didn't take note of before –how I might not be necessarily invisible.
Today in physics class , I was chosen to a question, more like teach the class.
I knew that assignment would bite me in the ass .
The rowdy class quieted.
"Me?" I pointed at myself ,looking in all directions to see if I was mistaken .
" Oh no , the clock behind you " Mr Taro rolled his eyes.
Everyone laughed ,it was even funny or I didn't get the joke .
I sat up straight ,unsure if I should feign ignorance or lie my way out of this .
" Young man , I'm speaking to you " Mr Taro smiled " The last assignment I gave you did so well"
' If only he knew '
Mister Taro was happy that someone in his class understood what he thought .
" Come ,come show did class how you did it " He gestured .
Again all eyes on me as I walked ever so slowly to the front of the class .
My heart pounded loudly with every step , nervously pinching my the rim of my tie –which was frayed by now– I looked around.
The back benchers who usually caused trouble, were behaved , Mr Taro didn't suddenly get called to attend some meeting.
Gosh ! Why wasn't the universe willing to help me.
I stood facing the board ,a chalk in one hand ,my heart on ther other.
I feel like I'm forgetting something.
' Ahh, yes ' I didn't know what question I was to provide a solution for .
I Flinched when Mr Taro patted my back , " What's the matter kid?" ,
" Stage fright?" He chuckled .
I rapidly bobbed my head in response ,' Yes ,yes,yes!!'
I had know idea if this was a lie or an excuse , whatever it was Mr Taro bought it and let me go .
I walked back to my seat ,refusing to look up .
I briefly locked eyes with someone, a boy , he gave me a look... not pity but something close to it.
The class returned to its usual rowdiness but the world around me was a blur.
I had already started making scenarios of what I could have done.
Lunch time
I ate the lunch alone again like usual only this time there were people around me, I caught someone turned quickly to stare, hands-over her mouth , she pointed at me.
A whispered joke I was meant to hear but I didn't at least I convinced Myself so .
I opened my lunch box forced Myself to eat and stare at a cat lounging under a tree away from the scorching sun , It looks so unbothered , at ease.
I envied it .
For a moment I wondered what it'd be like to prance around free of worries, to stretch lazily with enough time to breathe.
I wondered if I was allowed to live like it .